Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi I'm not too far away in Swindon. I'm now 33 and just diagnosed with secondaries (primary diagnosis was Jan 06). About to go through chemo all over again and dreading it. Amy x ... View more

Just to update - 3rd rads for eye secondaries tomorrow. They reckon it will completely fix my eyes within a couple of weeks so fingers crossed. I hadn't heard of secondaries in the eye before. Also going to drag my lazy ass back to work in the morning to talk through next steps with my boss. (Only started new job on 2nd Feb - great timing huh!) Am planning to ask them to hold my job open for 6 months and take the time out - fingers crossed. Last time I had chemo I worked part time through it but this time I don't think I can manage it because: A) job is national role with travel and needs to be really responsive on a daily basis which I can't be on chemo. B) chemo this time is weekly, not every 3! C) I am in a better financial position after ex-hubby pauper ran off with girl from work (lovely how they do that!) so don't have the same mortgage worries as before. D) I know I pushed myself harder than I ought to have done last time and don't want to do that again - I'd get home from work and be absolutely crashed out - no free time for me or family. Am a bit nervous about this decision - am hugely independent so it is a big step to become dependent on others. Also, work is really meaningful and stimulating to me so worried about keeping happy and active when stuck at home. Debs - followed your advice and been reading 'Back on Taxol' as bedtime reading - half way through and have found it informative, funny and frustrating all at once. Quick question re hair - has everyone lost their hair on the taxol? I had already lost all my hair from EC when I had it last time so didn't really know whether the Taxol had affected it? How long did peoples hair last when it did fall out? Is it as drastic as Epi? Will update you how I get on with PPP. They have assigned me a specialist nurse personal contact this week - I am suspicious - is this for my benefit or theirs so they can keep track of me? Amy ... View more

Thanks Ladies. I hated chemo the first time (but show me someone who doesn't) but am determined to eek every extra month of life that I can - I have so much good stuff to live for! What surprised me from your posts is that so many of you have continued to have chemo for so long. The docs still aren't talking about the long term big picture with me yet but I'm piecing it together from reading online. Has anyone found they are able to return to 'normal' life (work, social, travel etc) after their secondaries chemo? That is what I am hoping for - a bit more 'living' time, rather than 'getting through chemo' time. (ps - yes am with PPP - they have asked for a medical report from my oncologist before they will authorise the treatment so interesting to hear that BUPA have not supported maintenance Avastin - will cross that bridge when I come to it!). ... View more

Thank you for your lovely messages. The kindness of strangers is a wonderful thing - reading your responses opened up the floodgates at last and it was a real relief to finally let it out. I'm still anxious and confused, but I think I'm an extra step along the journey now having faced up to, and talked with my boyfriend about the fact that I won't be growing old with him and that we need to make the most of now. Any constructive thoughts on how to cope and prepare for what is to come, are appreciated. For example, I've been looking into nutrition and how it affects cancer growth - has anyone gone down that route? Has anyone used Penny Brohn or the Haven for support? How have people involved their friends and family in accepting and supporting the situation? etc etc etc...so many thoughts keeping me awake! (again). ... View more

... sorry that should say that I started taking in March this year. Does anyone have any similar experiences - how serious can this get? I have 4 more years on Tamoxifen to go. ... View more

Hi Gemma I'm 32 and last year I split up with my husband so ended up back in the dating game again. Then only a few weeks ago I found out my cancer was back and I had to have a mastectomy. I was really upset - my boobs now look really different and I thought 'what man is ever going to want me' when there's so many healthy single women around without these problems....well guess what...I joined an internet dating site a couple of weeks ago and have had lots of interest from nice sounding men. There are a couple I have got to know quite well through chatting online & the phone and I could tell they were caring types so I dropped the whole BC/Mastectomy into conversation and whilst they were curious, they were both caring and it definately hasn't put them off - I'm meeting them both for first dates next week! So I know I haven't shown them the scars yet, but should anything develop with either of them I don't think it will be a massive deal cos we've already talked about it and if they fancy you, they fancy you - perfect boobs don't come into it. And clothes don't have to be low cut to be sexy - show off whatever other features are your best assets - legs, shoulders etc!... Amy x ... View more

Hi All I'm 32 - I just had a mastectomy for a second occurrence of primary BC. First time round I was triple negative so none of this was an option but I did go through a mini-menopause on chemo when my periods stopped for 6 months during Taxol - was relieved to get them back. Had a few flushes and put on a tiny bit of weight at the time but lost it all again once I was better. Latest cancer is highly ER & PR+ (bizarre!) - SO this week I started Tamoxifen but now my consultant has asked me to consider Zoladex & Arimidex instead (I'm soooo confused!). At 32 I'd far rather have a reversible option. Partly cos I'm single with no kids and would like to have the option back in 5 years time, but also I'm really worried about the effect it could have on my sex life - anyone care to comment? I really hope to meet someone in the next few years and ALL of these options sound like they're really going to mess my system up - I know this sounds trivial but can you have a normal sex life whilst on Tamoxifen, Zoladex and/or Arimidex???? And am I definately going to experience Middle Age spread??? Amy x ... View more

wow. Karen and Jakki - this disease is just so cruel. It seems to have such a devastating effect on otherwise good relationships. The first time I read your posts yesterday they were so powerful they had me in tears. I am home from surgery now. Couldn't stop crying in the hospital - the morphine made everything exaggerated and a couple of wonderful nurses really had their hands full with me! I am so sorry to hear your cancer is back too Jakki - I am astounded coming back on here how many people I have recognised from the first time round who are now going through this again - and how many have had to put up with really tough circumstances at the same time. It makes me feel a bit less alone but also so angry at the injustice of the world. I've started reading a really good book called 'What We May Be' on a subject called psychosynthesis that was leant to me by a lady I work with. I'm finding some of the exercises quite helpful in finding strong sense of identity, self understanding and sense of calm. It's not easy reading but if you're into a bit of psychology and are prepared to try some of the visualisations & meditations can give some real insight. I'm really changing in this respect - a few years ago I dismissed this sort of thing as mumbo jumbo. My love and support goes out to you all. I am being overwhelmed by love from my girlfriends and family, still finding it hard to accept the absence of a man in my life and how much they have let me down, but growing stronger in myself. Amy xxx ... View more

Hi Ruth So glad you found this helpful - I sometimes get paranoid that people think my comments are unsympathetic cos I'm a bit of a realist. Please let us know how you get on. (and Karen - yes it is me from Glos!) It is so strange to be back on here after 18 months and find myself chatting to some of the same people - this thing really doesn't leave us alone does it? And it feels like you are both old friends as I remember exchanging posts with you both a long time ago. I'm in for surgery on Friday. Lots of luck and love, Amy x ... View more

Hi Deni I'm going through similar although it sounds like your original diagnosis was more aggresive than mine. I'm 32, career girl, always put that first, not particularly unhealthy but like a glass of wine, don't exercise much and don't always get my 5 a day. I've also found the reoccurrence difficult - could I have done things differently? Should I just have had a mastectomy the first time round and possibly avoided this? Got to have a bone scan Tues, liver scan Weds then being whisked into surgery for mastectomy & immediate recon on Friday - too fast for me to think about it too much which I'm grateful for. With regards to work, I too had just changed jobs internally. I've been overwhelmed with positive messages from the office but you can't help worrying stupid as it seems. I keep reminding myself that I got the new role because I had already established my credibility and was doing well - I'm sure you are the same. If you've earned your stripes they will be patient I'm sure. I knew my company sick policy wouldn't cover much but I'd also heard of people being treated well when serious illnesses and injuries occurred so I asked directly regarding what cover I could expect. I said 'I expect you need time to reflect on this so I don't need an answer right now, but I need to be able to plan my finances whilst I'm sick so I'd like to understand what financial support the company can provide'. I think this was a good tactic as they called me back the next day to say that I could have up to 3 months off paid (much better than policy) and then they would review the circumstances if I needed more time off. I know from some unfortunate circumstances that happened last year that if someone has a terminal illness whilst they stopped paying sick pay, they kept that employee on the books unpaid so that the life assurance would pay out. (I know we don't want to think about these things but it's one less worry if you know that). Also remember cancers are covered under disability discrimination laws. Earlier in the week I felt so out of control and just couldn't stop crying but as I'm getting clearer about plans and getting answers to questions I can feel my strength building. I hope you find the same. Good luck with everything & big hugs. Amy xxx ... View more

Thank you again. Feeling strong today for the first time since diagnosis - haven't cried once (whereas was a blubbering mess for the rest of the week). Even had the strength to get rid of someone unhealthy hanging round my life and feel good for it. My parents are coming to stay indefinately on Tuesday. Went to see a silly chick flick with a friend tonight and felt completely normal for a little while! Other women are great at times like these - I've got to stop relying on silly men. A x ... View more

Hi Ladies Don't mean to be a spoilsport but after everything we've been through DO be paranoid- it might save you even if you might look a bit silly. I just brought my consultancy check up forward 2 months cos I was getting a lot of breast pain. The consultant couldn't see anything on the ultrasound and said he thought it was just radiotherapy damage from 18 months ago but took a biopsy 'just in case'. Turns out the cancer is back and I have caught it before any lumps have formed again. I have had little panics before that turned out to be nothing but a bit of embarrassment is better than worrying yourself sick. If your specialist is anywhere near as good as mine, try to bypass the GP and go straight to the expert. I found befriending his secretary has been very helpful - she'll always slot me in! Amy x ... View more

thanks for your kind words and cyber hugs. A couple of hours on the phone have cheered me up a lot. good luck with your chemo helen - it won't be fun but it is only a few weeks and then you start to heal. A x ... View more

Thank you all for your comments. I've started to tell my friends who are all being supportive but it just isn't the same as having a life partner go through it with you. My family live overseas but are coming over next week to help. I've arranged an appointment with my GP to see if he can help me with the sleeping and also some counselling - so really trying to take advantage of everything going. Still can't stop crying though. It's all so overwhelming! I didn't really grieve when my husband and I split and I think everything that has happened is all coming out at once. ... View more

Gem So sorry to hear your news. I think all of us who have been through diagnosis live in fear of the T word - I am 15 months clear but still terrified at times, and often imagine what it would be like. Make as much space in your life for you as you can - be selfish and put yourself first. My heart goes out to you. I can't offer much advice but hope you find people who can help and understand here. A x ... View more

PHEW _ Great news! Just wrote my other post before I saw this one - such great news Sonya. A xx ... View more