Breast Cancer Care Forum

This thread has rung so many bells with me - I was 28 when diagnosed in Feb 2007. I had been married less than two years. By the time I finished treatment I was about to get divorced and was then told I couldn't have children. I was absoutely devastated and in some ways found the family thing as hard to deal with as cancer because it felt, as you said, like my life had been totally wrecked.   Seven years (tomorrow!) on I am living with my partner of 5 years and our beautiful, naturally conceived, enormous surprise of a 2 year old son. I have mild lyphodema and a bit of back ache from having a fake one and real one but apart from that I feel like me. BUT... I don't think that the emotional stress and strain can be underestimated at all, be kind to yourselves. You're not failures in any way - it would be weird not to be bloody angry about all this. It is horrible, it isn't fair and it's not the way anyone would choose their life to go. I found counselling helped - going back to work for me was one of the toughest times.   I got through treatment, thought I was fine, went back to a high stress job and fell apart a bit as I didn't want to admit to anyone that I was struggling to put it all behind me as I felt everyone just wanted me to get on with my life and shut up about it all. Talking to someone who didn't love me or even know me helped - it made me realise it was totally normal and I'd been through something horrendous. When you say it out loud you think of course I'm struggling this is awful!!!   The fear comes back from time to time, every ache and pain is a big deal - mine was 14/25 nodes affected, an 8cm tumour, HER+++ hormone neg so no tamoxifen but mine had a high chance of recurrence and so far so good. Just take it a day at a time and don't put pressure on yourselves to be super human - you're already amazing xxx ... View more

Morning Fimbo It is one of the nicest things people say and not annoying at all. When I was in your shoes I did exactly the same and I found women on here loving life years after diagnosis and it helped me hope. I had a fab oncologist who always focused on the future. His attitude to stats was that they had made more discoveries in the treatment of bc in the last five years than they had in the last 50 so anything he told me would be out of date anyway so I was better to focus on doing what I could and not depressing myself. I always knew it was a bummer my nodes were involved but honestly I really believe that you can look at all the stats in the world and they won't tell you how your cancer will react to your treatment plan. My approach in your shoes was to do everything I was told, stay as healthy as I could and do lots of fun things. And make plans for more fun things! A friend of family member came to each chemo and because I didn't feel too crap til a few days later we would go out for lunch or sthg after. Even now whenever I have a check I build in a little treat to myself! I didn't do anything too radical with diet as my bCN told me it wasn't that sensible but I bought a juicer tried to up my fruit and veg, cut out booze while having chemo to give liver a rest and ate whole grains etc stuff to try to keep me healthy. Fresh air, walks, tried to find the funny side! And when I was terrified lay on the bathroom floor for a bit and let myself be scared then made myself get up and out there again. You can do this Fimbo. I also found after treatment tough as you don't have that routine of doing something to this bloody disease and just had to hope it had buggered off so I had some counselling then. I found if nothing else it helped to talk to someone who didn't love me as (pretty much like you I imagine) that was the hardest part for me. Practical things with chemo: - you don't need to be sick and if you are get them to up the anti emetics. - don't go swimming - I did and caught a cold and my onc thought I had totally lost my marbles! - take all the drugs you can they recommend them for a reason - be kind to yourself Good luck am here if you need support as are many other fabulous ladies who inspired me Love xxx ... View more

Thanks so much everyone I am glad I am not going mad...feels like it sometimes! I totally agree that we do not need lessons on how to be realistic about all this. That was what made me so cross - I don't need grounding about the realities of all this. We have to live with the shock of it all and find a way to move on as best we can. Naz she has not walked our path and I totally agree! I shall now get back to living and loving life and park all this in the back of my mind where it belongs!! Health and happiness everyone xxx ... View more

Hi Madge - I get the same and it's 7 years on. I panicked initially it was my liver or my bones (as you do in our situation!) but my onc said basically I will get a bit of pain there sometimes as it was major surgery so there is probably a bit of damaged tissue, weakness there etc. I try and find comfy bras, but take them off as soon as i get home! ... View more

Hello! I was browsing on here as had my annual check up this week which went well. I wanted to let you all know I gave birth to a beautiful healthy boy on 10th March. Our lovely Thomas is now 6 mths, has his first two teeth and is eating everything in sight. I even managed to breast feed wione the one remaining boob. I hope you are all doing well. Much love xx ... View more

Thanks so much for the update Helen - good luck with all that lifting! I know what you mean about exercises..I always have good intentions and then forget, and the baby isn't even here yet so no excuse! x ... View more

Thanks v much for replies - I went for MLD which I found lovely and relaxing...perhaps that was just the lying down! Every time I lie down am ready to nod off at the moment. She was really positive and said that basically your lymph system has more capacity than it needs so even when severely damaged it can still cope to a certain degree and the objective of sleeves etc is to keep it within the limits it can cope with so it can get better rather than worse over time. I feel a bit more relaxed about it now. And as others have said, I'm not sure how much of this is lympho and how much is pregnancy - the MLD lady didn't think it was that bad at all considering how pregnant i am so fingers crossed (or perhaps not with this glove on but you get the picture!!) L xx ... View more

PS also just seen that you'd posted on my earlier thread - Really pleased it gave you some hope. Hang in there xx ... View more

I am so so sorry to read your story - it is totally sh1t and you must feel completely beaten up. I was 28 when diagnosed almost 5 years ago - had 14/25 lymph nodes affected so full mastectomy and node clearance. I had the op where they take a flap from the back. It was and the reconstruction has never bothered me. I do have mild lymphodema from having no nodes, but again all that has involved is occasionally wearing a compression sleeve when I'm at work as the arm can get a bit heavy form being on one position. They give you exercises to do to keep good mobility and over the last few years I've been skiing, trekking in borneo, run half marathons - it hasn't limited my life. On fertility - they tried a cycle of IVF for me after surgery and before chemo. This was free on the NHS so embryos could be frozen. It didn't work for me - I think as I'd had the contraceptive injection - but it works for lots of people so ask about this option. Also, you can as others have said have jabs to protect your ovaries through chemo. I didn't have this - can't now remember why. Think it was a trial at the time and I wasn't offered it. My cancer was hormone negative, not sure what yours is. I hope you don't also mind me sharing that I am currently 35 weeks pregnant after being told the chemo had knocked me into menopause. I don't want to make you feel worse but instead just hopefully to help you look forward to all this cr8p being over one day. Sending hugs xx ... View more

Hello So sorry you're here and don't beat yourself up for feeling bleak, angry and thoroughly p8ssed off. You are entitled to. BC is a crappy thing and no one should have to go through it. But what others say on here is true - I was 28 when diagnosed in 2007. Stage 3 IDC with 14/15 lymph nodes affected. For the first few weeks I was in total shock and it felt like every time I went back to the hospital they were giving me more bad news and no one could tell me anything positive as basically all I wanted to hear was that everything would be ok. But I can honestly say despite some crappy times, feeling poo and going bald nothing for me was ever as bad as the total terror of those first few weeks. It is just horrendous so take it easy on yourself, take all the support you need from the people that love you and scream on the bathroom floor if you need to. Once you start your treatment you may feel you have a bit more control - this worked for me. I had mastect and node clearance on the right, 6 months chemo and 5 weeks rads. I based everything around that and arranged treats for when I knew I'd be feeling better, went away for weekends and out with my friends. On fertility - my tumour was a big blighter - 8cm - so they did surgery first then referred me for IVF to try and freeze some embryos pre chemo. This works for many people - it didn't work for me unfortunately. There are other things you can do to protect ovaries while going through chemo. I didn't have the option of these things, but despite all that and being told I had gone into menopause I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and awaiting my little miracle almost 5 years after diagnosis. I am not going to tell you that it isn't sh1t, but cancer doesn't have to take everything and you don't need to feel you're choosing life over happiness. Take it a step at a time and be kind to yourself. Never feel like you're asking too much of people or that your questions are silly xxx ... View more

I have just logged back in and am so happy to see all your lovely responses. I'm glad it's made some of you feel positive - that's exactly what I wanted as I so wanted to find stories of people who had their lives back when I was bald and cross and feeling like crap. I know how rough and rubbish it is to be in the middle of it all, and to want to know what your life will be like when you (with everything crossed) come out the other side. I wish you all good luck and good health with the pesky bloomin cancer. Sending lots of love xx ... View more

Hi, I had an AMH test - a few years after finishing chemo. I was hormone negative so wasn't on tamoxifen but my FSH (follicle stiumlating hormone) test showed it was 87 which my oncologist said meant I was post menopausal so couldn't have children. I was referred to a gynae to confirm diagnosis who sent me for a private AMH test as they don't do them as routine on NHS and they are considered pretty accurate (I think 70% but might be worth checking that). My AMH showed I had undetectable fertility -0.07. And I was absolutely devastated. As I was still having "periods" I was referred for a biopsy as they thought there was something wrong with womb lining/uterus and then they discovered I was in fact pregnant - very much against the odds I hasten to add. It is a very difficult decision to make, particularly at this stage when you're coping with so much already. Think about it carefully and speak to the clinic in detail about what your options might be depending on what the AMH test shows. They can do something called natural cycle IVF where they harvest an egg as a natural part of your cycle without the need for hormones, but if you're close to treatment ending it could take time for everything to settle down. Good luck with whatever you decide L ... View more

Hi - thanks for coming back to me. I ended up having to have a biopsy which was a bit scary...but all fine! Hooray. Was something like a fibroblast or something, but no sign of anything dodgy. Hope you're all keeping well liz ... View more