Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi! My name is Viv and I was diagnosed with widespread DCIS in my right breast and 1 node with micro metastisis (extensive and high grade 5, 6cm lump). I had a full bilateral mastectomy in August last year and was given temporising implants with the view of being reconstructed in November this year. 6 weeks later I had a severe infection in my left implant and had to have it removed. I have been living 'wonky' since then and at my last appointment with the breastcare nurse, I requested removal of the remaining implant so I would be flat. I have decided I don't want reconstruction after having so much surgery, I just couldn't face anymore for now! I also went through genetic testing, I was lucky not to be a brca carrier. I had the implant removed privately last Wednesday (waiting list for non essential surgery was long and I wanted it over with) and I wasn't prepared in any way about how I was going to feel afterwards. I know it's early days but I have hardly stopped crying since I saw myself in the mirror for the first time on Sunday! I am overweight and my upper belly looks enormous. I am going to start to get a grip and gradually get back to gentle exercise and eat well. I was completely unprepared for how I was going to react. I am a very happy go lucky person and have taken it all in my stride up until now. I am always smiling and everyone has said how strong I've been. I feel awful too because a friend of a friend passed away from BC on Friday and I feel so lucky to be alive. I'm sure all these negative feelings will pass but for today, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. The op to remove the implant was quite big and the surgeon had to mess with my muscle. I have dressings from one side to the other on my chest as they tidied up my left hand side too. There is a 1cm gap between them. I suppose I'm a bit frightened and all that's happened has hit me like a train. Sorry to sound so negative but I know that if there is anywhere I will find people who understand, it's here! Thanks for listening. Viv xxx ... View more

Hi everyone! I haven't been around for a while! I've been back at work and trying to get on with life! Haha! So here is the thing! I am due to have DIEP recon in November. I currently have had a double mx last August, with temporary implants, but one had to be removed due to severe infection. So at the moment I have one flat side and one implant! The thing is, I need to lose 4 stone for the recon surgery and I just can't get my head around it at all. I have lost a stone since the new year but I am just feeling under so much pressure and I am getting very very stressed about it! I am going to see my consultant on the 11th March and my plan is to ask her to take the temporary implant out and see if I can live breast free for a year or so. I am just not ready to have such a big operation! My kids are doing their GCSE's mext year and my Dad was such a nightmare when I was diagnosed and had my surgeries last year. I'm just not strong enough yet to do it and all that it entails, I need to be completely selfish and my boys will be a little older and more able to look after themselves (and me!!!!). As I say, I'm just not ready. Has anyone else felt like this and how have people felt living breast free? Thanks for listening and any advice or experiences would be appreciated! Viv xxx ... View more

Good morning! I need to write this down somewhere and I thought here is as good as any, everyone is always so helpful and kind and you all understand! I am over my bilat mx, awaiting recon next year but still waiting for my BRCA 1/2 results. I rang the genetics team yesterday and asked when the results would be available (should have been end of November) and they said I am in the 'dictation' pile! I'm finding the whole thing very frustrating and I've been told I should get them next week. I've never felt so out of control. In fact today I have had a bit of a meltdown. I feel worse now than when I was waiting for my cancer diagnosis! How have others dealt with the wait? I'm so convinced I'll come back BRCA2, because of maternal deaths from pancreatic cancer (that's my biggest worry, ovarian is too). The genetic counsellor said to prepare myself for this as it's looking that way family history wise. I know that the news isn't immediately a death sentence but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to see it as anything else right now! Pancreatic cancer scares me so badly and I'm doing everything I can to improve my lifestyle. I have to lose weight to have my DIEP next year! Please, anyone, I'm feeling desperate today! Thanks Viv xxxxx ... View more