Hi all, I had my mastectomy 26 months ago and have since been on anastrozole. I feel really well, ok - hot flushes are a pain a times and aching joints a nuisance but overall I'm doing good. Before BC I was on HRT and testosterone implants for several years but obviously these screeched to a halt the second I was diagnosed. They were very happy supplements ensuring a feeling of being thirty something ! (I'm 66.) For a while I had ups and downs, reeling from the shock of cancer, surgery and coming off hormones mixed with a positve mood of having it all behind me, enjoying such closeness from family and support from friends and in many ways, feeling better than I had for some time. Our love life continued although without my surge of hormones, it became tickover and non-urgent. Fine. At 66 after 43 years of marriage we were happy to slow down a bit. He was so kind, patient and caring it seemed ungrateful not to respond, so where libido lacked - I faked my pleasure. Again, fine. But now, 26 months down the road, my libido is totally non-existent; my clitoris has little more sensation than my little toe and all the patience and kindness in the world cannot evoke a sexual response from me. There just isn't any to be had. Now for him to know this would be cruel and enormously disappointing for him ....he can understand my slowing down and occasionaly not needing an orgasm, but I simply can't bring myself to tell him that I NEVER have one anymore, nor am I likely to ever have again - so I fake it. If I didn't, he'd possibly try for hours and I think I would up sore and nauseated. We often use a vibrator as he knows I need 'extra help' but between you and me, even that doesn' work. (Too much information, but I once tried this on my own and it DID work, but it was a physical reaction - neither pleasant nor unpleasant but certainly not sexual.) In my head now, it's becoming an issue. If I have permission from somewhere that my 'lies' are understandable and okay, I might carry on. But a bit of me feels guilty ... yet what can I do? I can't tell him I fake it. Yes, I know the closeness is what matters - and it does. But I'm absolutely sure closeness alone wouldn't make him feel sexually happy.... and he deserves to feel sexually happy. He's the bestest husband ever. Has anyone else experienced this problem? I do feel better telling you. A secret shared is a secret halved etc... thanks for listening. love Cherry X
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