My relationship ultimately broke down and my estranged husband cites the breast cancer diagnosis and it's aftermath as a big contributing factor. My breast cancer was diagnosed only three days after we married (I should have gone for my appointment the Friday morning of our marriage but I put it off until the following Monday). We had just been accepted to prepare to adopt so it was all the more devastating. In short, I had my treatment, WLE & SB, radiation and Tamoxifen, and our adoption plans got back on track (but that is another very long journey filled with problems). The children were placedand adopted by us but our marriage subsequently failed. Very soon after the diagnosis I was painfully aware that my husbands concern was not for me but for what effect the diagnosis would have on our plans to adopt. I already had grown up children and had been through ivf to give my second husband the child he wanted but had a miscarriage. Something was not right and I checked the history on our computer to find that within an hour of him dropping me off at the hospital for the WLE, he had accessed seedy porn sites - I was hurt and angry but carried on. I am very good at ignoring warning signs and carried on with the marriage and our plans to adopt. The physical relationship between us was always a problem and I spent most of our marriage feeling lonely, he was just not a tactile person and showed no emotion (how could he, when he had none shown to him as a child, but that's another story). He used to fall asleep every night on the settee and I would go to bed every night feeling lonely and anything but cherished. I thought things would improve with time but they didn't. I thought that the surgery on my breast was to blame, I still don't know if it was a contributing factor to the breakdown of our marriage but I suspect it was only part of the reason. Eventually he told me that I just "didn't float his boat!" - even then, although devastated, I continued with the relationship until one day, months and months afterwards, I turned to him and told him that he didn't float my boat any more. Well that was it, after years of enduring emotional pain from him, he was feeling rejection from me and he didn't like it. By this time we had adopted two children and I swear that until I heard his response "well we might as well separate then", I had never considered it as an option as I already had one failed marriage and didn't want another. Our main concern now is the children and we are both working towards making sure they are alright. They had a very troubled start in life and although we can still be good parents to them albeit separately, we have added to their problems somewhat, but better to be apart and friends then living together for their sake and hating each other. I have moved on now and have a relationship with a wonderful guy who makes me feel cherished. He accepts my health problems and my body, scarred through breast cancer and having children and I definitely do 'float his boat'. I am seven weeks post op after having a hysterectomy and bilateral salpingo-oophrectomy to reduce the chances of the breast cancer coming back (strong family history of it). My initial treatment was nearly six years ago. Am I the only one who's relationship failed following breast cancer?
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