Hello everyone, It was good news yesterday. The Cancer has not spread to my spine. Hoorah !! But the pain is being caused because the last 5 intervetebral discs are all damaged with wear and tear. In other words, old age, I was 50 yesterday so that makes perfect sense really. However I didnt realise that this part of my spine was not fused with the Harrington rod when I had the Spinal Fusion operation when I was 14. I have since read on the Scoliosis website that they do not use Harrington rods anymore because of these limitations. Anyway ...enough about spinal problems.....Welcome to Bev , you will find the forums a huge help and support during the dark and lonely hours when we wake up and feel afraid. I was just like you and sailed through all my treatment, was never sick with the Chemo, managed to save all my hair with doing the Cold cap and apart from a very sore mouth , kept well throughout the FEC T. Then I realised that the Chemo had sent me into an early menopause which along with the Tamoxifen made me feel dreadful. I was anxious and depressed. I could not concentrate and I felt just the same as I had when I had sever post natal depression after my daughter was born. My hubby took me to the GP and I was presribed anti depressants and a short course of diazepam to help me cope. I had started back to work but as I was having reconstruction I had to be signed off again. I thought I would never feel well again, but the GP referred me for one to one Counselling which made me realise I was not alone. Please get the help you need and deserve Bev as going back to work right now , may not be the best thing for you. Only you will be able to decide as we all know whether our places of work expect 100% when we are back, or if indeed you could have lighter duties. Maybe Christmas at home would be a good idea but see what happens........take good care of yourself, you are more important than any job, so be kind to yourself. Practice Mindfulness and stay in control of your thoughts by meditation or listening to your favourite music. Hope everyone else is not feeling too bad this week. It is back to work for me tomorrow after a lovely 5 day trip to Rome for my Birthday. Lots of love and Huggles to you all Tracy xxx
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