Breast Cancer Care Forum

*sings* Katy's got an admirer! :D You can't order anything now because he might be the guy who will deliver it! Why was he on the bus if he'd got a car? Was he stalking you? :p   Phoned docs tonight, as instructed, and OH's new meds prescription has been done and sent through to chemist next door to surgery so I can collect it on my way home tomorrow. Phew! Just when I was psyching myself up for a battle with the Dr's receptionist!   Scared to tempt fate. Again. But new meds do seem to be working. Much less tremor and generally calmer. Now I've said that though, we're probably in for a sh+t few days?!   Took a load of onions to the food bank today: the ones I dug up last week. They've finally dried out. Just the leeks left to get in.   ... View more

Half way through the crazy crazy..... for now! This morning, as I came out of our local little supermarket, an elderly gentleman, coming in, let me go through the door first. Him: You first young lady Me: Ha! It's a long time since I've been called that! Him: Definitely! Well! There was no need for that! He didn't have to agree quite so vehemently?! How rude! I gave the daft old duffer the benefit of the doubt and assumed he hadn't meant to cause offense! :D ... View more

Hope enough people responded to the Lido questionnaire with "Nooo! Don't take it away!!" so they continue letting you have it. Fingers crossed. I stood in the Dr's surgery, earlier, in my Pjs because it's Children in Need day and we had a pyjamas for Pudsey day at school (we'll, I chickened out and changed the trousers for jeans - wasn't going to be THAT person who didn't bother to dress to go to Dr's! - didn't bother to change top as I'd have my coat on anyway, but then forgot to zip up coat!) and I asked for a prescription for Rohipnol instead of what I actually needed which was OH's new PD meds called Ropinirole Letter hadn't come through from neurology consultant so I had to stand there and try to sort it out. It's complicated because the dose is increased every 2 weeks, so I had to explain to make sure they prescribe enough for the month. Got to phone on Monday to see if the request has been granted. Grrrr. He has enough tabs until Wednesday so I hope they get their act together by then.  ... View more

Glad you're on the mend.    The problem with his "moods" is that anxiety sets the tremors and jaw clanking off - and the swallowing issues - so it feels like we're back to square one. He woke me at 5:30am today because he was panicky. Felt too wobbly to go downstairs, so he wanted me to go  and make his porridge (2 minute microwave variety) which makes me want to puke at the best of times. Then he went back to sleep and snored happily. I didn't (sleep. Or snore!) At 7am, when I needed to get my breakfast, he was in the way in the kitchen!!! Grrrrrr! Just done the supermarket shop. Spent a huge amount. Not sure how. OH came in for a bit, further round the shop than he's managed in months, chose a present for GD (well I chose it for him and he agreed! :)) wooden tool set. I want to play with it. :D Then he went and sat in he car with the paper, so a much better day, after a dodgy start.   Great that there's no nausea after your Lido, I expect you've had enough nausea for the time being?   Colleague due to come back off maternity leave after Christmas and she's going on maternity leave again in April! Whoops! That wasn't planned! She'll have her work cut out with just 15 months between the babies! Hehehe  ... View more

I'm leaving a humongous supply of tea, cake, fish and chips, biscuits and other delectable delicacies to help get you through your hectic weeks, Katy. Hope your tummy is recovered enough to enjoy them. :D   I was sent a lovely little video of GD standing on DIL's lap and using a tea towel to play peepo with Mummy & Mamma. Adorable. She loves to stand. She has such strong legs, I don't think she'll bother to crawl; just straight to walking - but I hope that isn't until after Christmas because our house is NOT toddler safe!!   Mincemeat is made. Ingredients for Christmas cake are on tomorrow's shopping list. Thanks to an online shopping binge last week, I've got all the (very few) presents I need to get except for DIL (no idea what she would like! - will have to consult YD!) and neighbour. Just finished knitting a jumper and matching hat for GD, using lovely dark purple wool that was in a bagful of odd balls of wool given to me by a colleague. All November birthday cards are made and I've printed off a photo I took of our friendly garden robin to use on some of the Christmas cards. That should help me make 40 cards quickly. I'm ahead of the game this year. :) The benefit of working part time?! I say that now, but come a week before I'll be wondering where the time went?    OH was much better over the weekend: a bit grumpy on Saturday, but fine yesterday - hardly any tremor even! Hurrah! Meds are working! No. Today has been awful. He manages to wind himself up about EVERYTHING and I have to battle not to get wound up myself. This afternoon, I had to stop him watching YouTube videos - one after another - about the Australian Bush fires. Yes, they're awful and I feel desperately sorry for anyone who's hurt or lost their home, but watching endless film about something so terrible, that you can do nothing about, is not good for one's mental health. Where's that sandpit? I need to stick my head in it. And his? :p ... View more

It's been suggested that we ask for a referral to the mental health department at the hospital because they are more able to make links between the physical problems OH has and the psychological. However, we're already schlepping to the hospital to see 3 other consultants at the moment; I don't think even more appointments will help the situation!!   I think he is is supposed to be seeing the CBT specialist tomorrow - it's been weeks since he last saw her because he keeps having other appointments or pancking and cancelling. I haven't told school about it, so I hope he's either going by himself, in a taxi (yeh! Fat chance?) or he's not going.   He took a taxi into local town yesterday and asked to be picked up in the evening: he said he'd go to the library then the chippy cafe for tea and go to the pub. Yeh! Freedom! :D First time in aaaaages that I've had the place myself, but I decided to take the chance to go to the volunteer allotment. Too late for the apples: they were all over the ground half-eaten by various different wildlife, but I got up a ton of onions which are now drying out in our garage before going to the food bank. I was just finishing off and wondering whether to get chippies myself for tea or microwave something out of the freezer, when he called to be picked up! We got chips to bring home. Grrrr. So much for time home alone! Still, I was very glad to get that job ticked off: it's been bugging me for ages that all our hard work will go to waste if we don't harvest what we planted. One more trip to get the leeks in and then that is us done with it. I've finally managed to persuade OH that it's too much for him. The Volunteer Centre will just have to get someone else to take over.   It was soooo wet and soggy, I'm sure I've got trench foot now! Cold and damp today. Won't be mowing the grass. Will have to stay on the CBA bench with a mugatea and cake. Again. Shame? :p   Are you starting to feel better yet Katy? Don't let YD give the lurg back to you! xx ... View more

How are you doing, Katy? Starting to feel more like yourself, I hope.   Consultant was brilliant. We were with her for nearly an hour and she did lots of little tests, asked loads of questions and let us ask questions. She has prescribed another PD drug which SHOULD help reduce the tremors but it has to be introduced gradually: starting with 2mg and increasing by 2mg every 2 weeks up to 8mg. She doesn't expect it to be properly effective until he is up to the higher dose, but she says to stop increasing as soon as he notices a benefit. Fingers crossed this helps, but I'm pretty sure most of his problems, as they always have been, are psychological.    Back at work today. Performance Management (wash my mouth out?!) I pointed out that setting new targets for next year was a tad pointless, as I won't be there this time next year! :( She said I was already doing everything that was set anyway. :D Lovely to get positive feedback and to hear her say that they appreciate I've got problems at home but are grateful for everything I do when I'm at school. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right, at least!   Came home at lunchtime, having left a job half done, so that OH wasn't getting stroppy. Wish I'd stayed at school. He's asleep in his chair at the moment so maybe he'll wake up in a better mood. Who knows?    I've got the tubs planted up with the winter plants though, so that's another thing ticked off my half term "to do" list. Desperately need to mow the lawns but they're still so wet!  ... View more

Hope you are feeling better today, Katy, if not, get well soon. Is it the stomach lurg your daughter had? :( Hugs flying your way (and with virtual hugs I'm in no danger of catching the lurg myself. Win. Win. :p)  Don't know where the week went. This time last week, the girls were here! Just been to the farm shop for some fruit and veggies and I ordered the turkey while I was there. Hurrah! £10 deposit paid, so the girls had better come or we'll be eating a LOT of turkey by ourselves! 'though I'm dreading how OH will be - he took most of this week to get over the "trauma" of doing absolutely nothing with the girls last weekend!! Grrr!  ... View more

It was a good job I didn't stay in town to wait for the car! I finally picked it up at 6pm! That would have been a LOT of cups of tea!! It all cost less than I was expecting, so that was a pleasant surprise and mechanic said I needn't be in any rush to get another car: this one should be good for a while. :)  ... View more

OH did sulk in his room all weekend but is still going on about what a terrible weekend he had. Using it as an excuse not to do anything he doesn't want to. Grrrr. Sooooo stressful having only daughter, DIL and GD here? And not even spending any time with them! I'm already dreading how he'll be at C-word. He's always been difficult at that time of year, but now......?!!   I'm reading The Hallows by Victor Methos. Courtroom detective thing. New out this year. I got it for 99p on Amazon First Reads. Bargain. I'm enjoying it. It's helped pass the time while the car is in the garage!   Car back in today, for its welding. I had breakfast in the cafe again but was debating whether to get the bus home as it's going to be several hours until the car is ready and I don't want to waste any more money. And it's too cold to sit outside today. No sun. OH rang: having a panic attack. Again. No peace for the wicked? So I bussed it home. He was fine by the time I got back. Of course. Always improves after he's ruined my peace of mind/made me feel guilty for enjoying being out. Can't motivate myself to get any of the long list of half term jobs done though - back on the reading bench. Indoors, but still cold. May have to put the heating back on early! Or get off my a*** and do something? *reaches for heating controls* :p ... View more

New job is probably why ED got the bug. She'll get everything going until she's built up immunity to all the new germs flying around! You are right, she can't go in if she's got a stomach bug. Get her to chuck that guilt into the lake!   Yesterday was awful. OH panicky and shaky all day. I just couldn't handle it. I was still feeling down after the girls going. We had words. He admitted he was jealous. I knew it! Told you he was behaving like an older sibling who's resenting a new baby.    Today, I had to take the car in for its service and MOT. Early start (for half term) so I skipped breakfast, went straight out, dropped car off and walked to my favourite cafe for cooked breakfast! Nom Nom. Spent over an hour in there, leisurely eating, ordering another coffee and reading my kindle (other....) Wandered around town buying bits and pieces until I realised that the car had been a long time: alarm bells ringing that it was going to be expensive, so I'd better stop spending money like it was going out of fashion. Found a sunny bench and sat enjoying reading. I was just revelling in being out, by myself, when I remembered that I'd not organised any lunch, at home, for His Nibs. Started to fret that he'd be too shaky to get anything and having a melt down. Then I got a text from him: he'd got a taxi to same town and was waiting for me in supermarket cafe! :)   Picked up car. It failed. Major welding required. :( I was half expecting it: I've had it 10 years and most years it's sailed through with only really small repairs. It's going to cost me, but garage man says it is worth repairing as it's a lot less than a car of the same age would cost to buy. Booked back in for Thursday. I'll have to get up early again. :( May have to have another breakfast in The Old Bakery. Shame? :p   Now debating whether to get a newer car before I finish work, while I can still afford it, because once cars start needing welding work it's a slippery slope towards spending more on repairs than their worth! I hate changing cars. So many dodgy dealers out there. Wish ES was still around: he found this one for me.  ... View more

Here we go again! So much for a half term lie in! OH woke me up at 4am, for over an hour, and again at 7 with his panicky shaking. He can't blame my going to work *this* time?! He'll no doubt blame the girls' visit because it was SO stressful for him to hide in the bedroom all weekend?! If he spoils the whole holiday, I'm going to revise my decision to retire in July! Looking after a 7 month old is easier than living with him!  Yesterday afternoon, because it was lovely and sunny, and to take our (my) mind(s) off the girls going, we had a couple of hours at a local water park, which was VERY watery - all the footpaths were in the lakes! OH announced, about 200 yards into the journey, that he couldn't go because he felt "unwell".  I lost it with him. Told him to stop behaving like a spoilt toddler. I refused to take him home and, when he said he might be sick, told him he wouldn't be and that if he was he could clean it up himself! Of course, a couple of hours amongst lovely scenery and he felt much better - but he's never going to admit I was right!! I reminded him that the consultant said he needed to get out and about.   Frosty and foggy this morning. Brrrr!  ... View more

They've gone.  CSL bench. It gets harder and harder to see them leave.  I've had to give myself a good talking to: they'll be back in 2 months for Christmas! DIL (a worrier) said Cher was amazing: definitely worth the stress of leaving GD. I'm soooo glad they enjoyed it; they've been looking forward to it for over a year and I was worried it could be a big disappointment. Right, must get busy so I don't wallow in self pity - OH already doing enough of that for ALL of us!!  ... View more

Magic Nana has done her stuff!  GD fast asleep. Anxious 10 minutes when she didn't want to be held or be put down and screamed Blue murder, but she stopped before I could get the pram organised for emergency plan B  walk around the block as many times as necessary! I messaged YD and DIL, who are like a couple of over excited teenagers at the Cher concert, so they can relax and enjoy their special treat. It's the first time they've been out together and left GD. I'm honoured that they trusted me! Handling her granddad is harder work. Such a grump! Grrrr!  ... View more

An hour into babysitting and it's going well. Dinner eaten - my pureed chicken casserole followed by mashed banana and stewed apple. Now sitting singing and playing happily with her toys on the floor.  Tried to send a photo to mummy but every time the camera clicks GD looks worried. ... View more

Hope the babysitting isn't too onerous, Katy, and that you enjoy at least some of the time with your GC! Also hope there have been no more mum dramas. At least she was fine though.  We've had a really up and down week, but hopefully, having been given some new meds at the docs on Wednesday, things will improve. He's had fewer panicky shaky attacks and sleeps through the night - (except when he forgot to take it on Thursday night: Friday was hideous! :( )  On Monday, I rang the counselling service and spoke for nearly an hour with a wonderful woman who told me that I definitely shouldn't give up my job and gave me some things to say to OH about what he can do to help himself and be less dependent on me. OH thought I was ringing, as he'd asked me to, to arrange a carer to come in to keep him company while I was at work on Tuesday. As an introduction to putting forward the ideas the counsellor suggested, I told him that the carers were too busy supporting people who LIVE on their own ALL the time, or who need help with getting meals, personal care or dressing, none of which he does. As I'm here for 20 out of every 24 hours he doesn't really qualify! That hit home! He actually looked a bit sheepish, but it didn't stop him panicking about me going to work. Hence docs on Wednesday. Fingers crossed the new meds can improve things for him. It's what the consultant prescribed last Friday, but doc says OH doesn't need to reduce his other antidepressant. I need this to work; I'm so fed up of worrying about messing school about, even though everyone understands and is very supportive.    YD rang me while I was sitting in the car during the Friday night swimming taxi service (the taxi doesn't swim haha) It was lovely to talk to her. I miss her so much, especially when OH is being difficult. She cheered me up immensely by saying they've decided to come to us for Christmas again as they both love my Christmas, especially the food! :D I have always said that I didn't expect them to come once they had children, as we refused to go away at Christmas after we had ES. Boxing Day or New Year was for visiting, Christmas was ours at home. YD says she doesn't care if  OH is a pain, she and DIL can take some of the strain and I can enjoy seeing GD. She said I need something to look forward to. Sooo true. I've not told him: it'll only give him something else to stress about!    Oops! Sorry! Mentioned the "C-word" rather too many times. Too soon! :)    ... View more

On no! Sorry you are having a bad time, Katy. Hugs. xx How is your mum? Is the baby sitting going OK? Everything alright with your Ds?    I actually slept all night and woke up by myself at nearly half past 8. OH didn't call me until he heard me getting up, and he'd not been awake very long. He's still recovering from 2 appointments in 2 days, so he's still very jittery. I'm coping better because I slept! Got the "should I give up work" debate in a constant loop in my head - answer swings violently from "hand in 4-week notice NOW " to "Stick the year out as planned" Or maybe I could further reduce my hours so I only do 3 mornings? Our academy pays into a well being service so I'm going to ring them for advice. They may point out some other options. Trouble is finding a time when I can do it without OH around!  ... View more

What a week! Had to take the day off work, on Tuesday, because OH was in a shaky panicky mess again. He was suddenly, miraculously, much better when it got too late for me to go to work! Grrrrr! He is definitely obsessed with the idea that I should give up work and be here for him all the time - I'm fighting hard against that! I NEED that contact with the outside world - and has decided he's afraid to be alone at home (though that didnt seem to be a problem on Wednesday afternoon when I took two of the volunteers to harvest some of the allotment stuff, trying to give him one less thing to stress about!) On Wednesday, just before the end of the morning, I checked my phone and there was a missed call from home number over an hour before. And a voicemail message. Listened to the message and it was just a high pitched garbled  voice. Tried to ring home number and OH's mobile. No answer on either. Spoke to headteacher, who is being very understanding - at the moment, at least - and dashed out of school and forced myself to drive safely home.  Got in house. 3 radios and the TV on but couldn't find OH in any room and no answer when I called. Couldn't see him out of the windows anywhere. Started to feel really guilty for standing firm and speaking to him rather sharply when he was begging me not to go ot work that morning. Imagined all sorts of horrific scenarios. Heard a sound I recognised. Looked out of window into back garden and saw him cutting the hedge. He was fine. He'd rung me because he got upset when someone was nice to him on the phone and had rung off without leaving a message: the noise I heard must have been a combination of the TV in the living room and the radio in the kitchen!! Took me a good while to calm down! Yesterday, he had his 2nd session with the CBT therapist, (so I was late into work) which stressed him out and today we've been to see the (non PD) consultant, (another day off work!) so last night he was awake and panicky in the night and up before 6 - getting me up as well, and I'd barely slept Wish we had cancelled this appointment as it has just left us confused (and exhausted after no sleep!) consultant disagreed with GP about best antid's to take. OH very unhappy with the suggestion to reduce the one he's on (and psychologically attached to) and take something else. Wouldn't prescribe any new PD meds because we're seeing the neurologist next month. Watse of time. However, he did tell us that we should still get an appointment through for the orthopaedic consultant but that the knee xray was normal. Oh. Guess there's nothing to fix there then. :( Also, he's going to refer us to swallowing clinic because OH is still not chewing his food when he's stressed. I'm starting to question my determination to keep working mornings until July.: love my job, enjoy seeing the kids and colleagues and need the break from the tedium at home, but I do wonder if life might be easier if I just handed my notice in. But the thought makes me want to cry and then he will have "won"..... and we'll just move onto the next battle? Anyway rambled on too long. Hope all Benchlanders are OK.  ... View more

Two really good days this week. Much more settled. OH seemed to have adapted to me being back at work. He's been calmer and less shaky. Even started getting taxis and doing the things he used to do, before the summer holiday. Hurrah! Methinks, the meds are working. However, just got back from swimming and he's in a right state again: building up to yet another s****y weekend? Every time I dare to look forward and make tentative plans. Every time.  I'm NOT going to stop going swimming, but this is the third week in a row my going has "made him ill". Grrrrr.  ... View more

Oooh! There's someone in BENCHLAND! Yay! It's been eerily deserted. I was starting to wonder if the alligators had eaten everyone!  Just a thought, Katy, have you had new carpets or upholstered furniture recently? I had a colleague once who suddenly developed ""hay fever" which lasted all year. Eventually, they discovered it was the chemicals in her new carpet: the glue?   It's good to be back at work. I have enjoyed working with the kids, getting out of the house  and seeing other people, but it's very stressful because OH has made it very clear that he really doesn't want me to go. Major panic attacks all the week before I went back. However, I've made it very clear that I NEED to go to work as I will go insane if I have to be here 24/7 with him.   He manages OK while I'm away, but I feel guilty and worry about him, so it's not the complete escape I need. I think we're going to have to investigate the possibility of carers coming in, or a befriending service - although as there are SO many people who actually live alone, he would hardly be a priority as I'm here every afternoon!! He's up and down; for brief spells he seems like his old self. Sometimes he seems to have trouble eating: he puts food in his mouth then seems to forget to chew or swallow it and will shove some more in - like a flipping hamster! Dementia? PD swallowing issues? Other times he eats normally, although VERY slowly. Perhaps it's just the depression, which has similar symptoms to dementia, according to my research. Will have to ask the neurologist when we see her in October. He's driving me nuts with the "I'm not well" card every time there's something he doesn't want to do... or hear!! Grrrr!  Still undecided about whether to cancel the consultant appointment on 20th Sept  as it will be with a non - specialist geriatric consultant, and we have the Oct appointment with a neurological consultant, but he's been so ill that I don't want to leave it until October; we might be able to get the next PD meds which may help. Or not. Who knows?   GD is doing the same as yours, KTC, and waking up several times a night. The girls are run ragged but there's nothing I can do to help from here.  ... View more