Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hello , how are you both? I have been absolutely overloaded with work so I do apologise for not coming on here sooner. Trying to sort school exams out this year has been so much harder and I just haven't stopped as we had to catch up after lockdown, teach everything, write the exams and then mark everything instead of the exam board. Not sure anyone else did anything this year. Still going through it with a lot more work to do. I am so pleased it is half term but mainly so I have more free time to try to keep up with it all. I did a lot every evening with my gs so it was quite a stressful time. He is clever but like most lockdown has made him used to a different type of education and difficult to become formal again. He was good and put up with everything I did with him. Hoping to relax and go out a bit. I have 2 of my littles staying overnight. They were very excited to be back and staying away from home. They have been exploring the house, like they can't remember where everything is. I guess a year is a really long time when you are 6. My very youngest seems happiest when you are the other side of glass waving, as he just hasn't had enough time and especially physical contact with us. Getting happier to be slightly further from his mummy and to be picked up by everyone. Carole I expect you may find this too. It must be very strange for the little ones that are not really talking much yet. Yes I had my 2nd astra vaccine too and just felt a bit tired that evening, nothing else. Have you had one or two now Lisa? How are your family as I remember you had a few things going on. Hope all is well. Same with you Carole. Today it was really hot which was nice but a surprise. I think our weather has been similar to France as I have been in 2 jumpers until today. We just had our raised big sundeck replaced and the sun came out just in time for the builders to go. All ready for enjoying the sun and large family meals outdoors. Well fingers crossed we will.  Are you 2 doing anything in the house or garden this year.  Well sorry to rush but my 2 little people will no doubt be up early so better get to bed. Love Lily xx ... View more

Hello girls, how are you. I was so pleased to find posts to read about how you both are and something to answer. I confess my coping strategy is not remembering any anniversaries apart from immediate family, after hearing endless lists from mum who has the lot still in her head. We recently went through my Dad's anniversary of passing and I think she finally understands my need to think how lucky I was to have an amazing dad on his birthday and think nice things, rather than remembering the funeral service and hearing the news. Of course I understand its a different emotion, as you expect to lose parents but partners are different. She is being very nice to me at the moment, which is always the scariest time ha ha, only one way this can go. She talks to me all the time about my brother moving 4 miles away and how it changed everything and when he will go. I said to him she probably does the same to you about me, no he said!! Oh well.  We are very excited about the easing of lockdown here Carole and i hope you soon follow suit. Everyone is planning to turn up non stop so feeling a bit worried about the massive cooking for 16 as I am out of practice. Maybe they can bring a packed lunch so I can just see them all instead of peeling potatoes for a week ha ha. The kids at school will be overjoyed at not wearing masks in class. I just hope it will still all go well. I have my 2nd jab in just over a week at one of the big vaccination centres. I had Astra, the same as you Carole. Have you had one now Lisa? My new car was an Audi TT and it goes so fast, i love it. I changed to an automatic this time and I hope I have eventually stopped trying to go into first gear if I stop unexpectedly. It has so many gadgets it throws me if I suddenly do something wrong, thinking I am in the old car. Very anxious not to destroy my alloys but it is going to happen!  Lisa I was wondering how all the family are now. Mum and her IBS and other problems, dad with cellulitis and your poor brother. How is everyone? A lot in one go. I was worried to hear about your job going but pleased you are seeing this as an opportunity to branch into something new. Will you wait for redundancy or move when you see something you are interested in? Would you work in a hospital at all as I think you would be very sympathetic and supportive, understanding how people are feeling? Keep us posted how it goes.  Do you have any plans to go away yet? I had my first staycation but just to Great Yarmouth for a weekend. I was so excited I felt I was going on a world cruise, it seemed very daring ha ha. First of many I hope. Carole thank you for remembering Val too, as you say, so many gone. My pal Nick 😞 but I still feel that part of her is with me and know how she felt about people still here not wasting time and making the most of life. So I take people with me (in my mind) and think how they would have enjoyed it. I met Nicky twice and we got on like we had always known each other. I miss being Dr Lily to try to support her too. Carole how did your 2nd jab go? Any side effects? I had a flu type side effect and was freezing cold after the first. My temp was 36.0C with 3 jumpers, blankets and the heating up full blast. Hoping to escape it but hey even if I don't I am glad to have it. I only know one person who doesn't want it and they have been listening to a troll who thinks it will genetically change people to make them take orders. Its a good job I was not with her as I would have spat my drink out laughing. I guess they forgot to go to school, what a twerp and to try to stop other people too, unbelievably mean. Just have to hope she doesn't catch it. Has it warmed up in France yet Carole? Our weather is so changeable and this was the frostiest April on record so not good for seedlings. We have booked to have a big new deck built so I am looking forward to that as it is very sheltered and I can sunbathe out of view of anyone so I can brave a bikini. Lol nobody else would want to have that shock, catching my vitamin D fix. Its not healthy but I do love some tan and like to soak up the sun when I can.  Well better buzz off. Work is totally manic. Can you believe my original little chap is taking GCSEs this year, or would be if they had not replaced it with twice as many tests..  Love to all Lily xx   ... View more

Hello buddies, its taking us a while to settle into our thread again after losing Nicky but I hope we can keep going and I don't mind if there is a gap between messages just as long as we can step up when one of needs support. Hopefully we can grow old and chubby together ha ha. No confessions about weight gain needed, we all know that clothes shrunk in lockdown 🙂 Its a fact.  Carole while I felt so sorry for your tears, I think you also needed to do this to be able to grieve and move on. Its quite some time since mum had been the person you knew for most of your life, which I completely empathise with. I was worried about you but you sound like its starting to be a little easier, perhaps not every day. How are you feeling now? I haven't watched the programme so maybe I should give it a go. My guilty pleasure is Love island Australia but I really enjoy keeping Faith, bulletproof and quite bemused by Prodigal Son at present. Fall backs are always back episodes of Vera and other detective series, love them all, especially Endeavour.  What are you watching at present Lisa?  Carole the veg plot sounds impressive. I went out and mowed the front lawn. Sn had been in and mowed the much bigger back lawn but the front lawn is the one that everyone notices and the weeds go crazy if you leave it. I can see all the new plants survived and are starting to bud and open. By tomorrow the cherry blossom will be magnificent before giving me a nightmare for weeks with cherry stones scattered everywhere by the birds. Cherry stones contain arsenic so tricky for the pup, when she visits. We see her right through the week as her day care, which I love. She was one a week ago. Our old timer keeps chugging along and I think the pup came in time to give her a second lease of life. She still chases her round the garden as fast as she can. Lisa its been colder your way. How is the garden looking? I am wondering if you have even been able to mow yet?  Carole my sympathy about the lockdown. All this politics instead of just getting vaccines to save people seems ridiculous. Its the first time I was glad we were out the EU so we could get our jabs done. Now other worries. Its never off the news. Yes your president is taking a lot of flack. I won't comment as it is not really my place and it really annoys me when a relative of ours who emigrated to Spain just seems to email me to mention specific events that happen and how wonderful everything around her is. Well that didn't last for long but I am glad they are being looked after. She is married to an Irish chap so he is ok but she has had to do a lot of paperwork recently to protect her residency there. is it similar for you Carole? Such a worry for people. Well I have booked 2 staycations as I am much too anxious to chance getting stuck in a hospital abroad with covid or a variant. It will take me personally a while to venture out the country. How about you Lisa, are you concerned to travel or are you going to jump straight back into your lovely trips again? You are much younger so have much lower risk than me. Have you had a jab yet? MY second one is in mid May time Carole. Victor will get his ahead of me as he catches an earlier/older group. We both had AZ. Two of my girls do caring and had their jabs recently but all the rest are in younger groups. Son will be in the last group, who now need a different vaccine. My exciting news is that I bought a new car and hope to collect it this week but waiting for a trade in price and paperwork first. I am moving to an automatic to please Victor and so he will drive my car too. It is also back to petrol after being talked into diesel by the salesman last time.  Will be fun but a bit anxious about wrecking the alloys !!! Well the first time I do it after that who cares ha ha.  Well would love to hear any news buddies. Keep safe love Lily xxx ... View more

Hello Carole and Lisa, how are you both? Carole I can't believe it is so long to wait for mum's funeral. I'm sending you a big hug. I think it must be very soon and I will be thinking of you. Mothers day as well, what a difficult time but how lovely that your daughter went to so much trouble to do something nice. She knew how you would feel. I must have walked miles on mother's day as having a walk with someone is about the most we can do. My son ordered takeaway roast dinners so no cooking, which was a real treat but nobody else was allowed to eat with us. I find that the smallest thing is quite exciting these days, like a walk. I wonder how long we will appreciate these small things, when things become easier. I don't think I will travel abroad this year unless things are dramatically better in October. Here seems to be the safest place for now. I have had one vaccine which has made me feel much safer going to work. We had another positive today, its routine unfortunately but upsets me if I have been in the room with them, at the wrong time. Victor has calmed down a lot too since he got his vaccine. He is even talking about venturing into London occasionally. In the middle of all this my son decided to move out to live with friends and I knew it had to happen one day but its taking a bit of getting used to. We have become really close all stuck in  together and have done a lot together. he is coming in regularly to help me out with my empty nest 😞   I am looking forward to schools breaking up this week so I can relax,. Its not easy constantly having to anti-bac or sanitise everything, everywhere you go at work. Yes we have a small local holiday booked for July, a staycation as they are calling them. Our Easter holiday was cancelled for the 2nd time and after 2 years we just got our money back! I am not confident to enough to go abroad and chance one of us getting covid while away, so we get stuck there or worse!  Carole do you think you will travel this summer. I expect the thinking is very different in France from what we hear on the news. I was very excited to get my  oxford astra Z jab but it is not the same feeling across Europe. Maybe the 100% stats from USA will help people to have the vaccine and help save lots of other people.  I worry about a lot. How are you two coping?  Lisa I wanted to check if your family are all well and hope that nobody caught the virus. Well better go Love Lily xx ... View more

Hi buddies, how are you doing? I hope all is well with you. The change of name on here threw me, so I hope you can find your way back. Love Lily xx ... View more

Hello girls, how are you both? The last 3 musketeers soldier on.  Carole how are you feeling. I hope this finds you coping a little better. I thought your choice of poem was lovely and yes beautiful but sad song. Hopefully the service will help you move forward as it brings a natural finish. I think waiting for a funeral is a very difficult time as you feel stuck between hearing the sad news and waiting for that day. My thoughts are with you I had my vaccine this week, the astra at one of the big centres. I had an excellent person who managed to do it without even the slightest frown, so gentle I was waiting for it and realised it was done 🙂 I had to wait 15 minutes as driving and thought I had got way without any side effects as woke up perfect. Then lunchtime of the next day I kept wondering why my back ached a bit and it gradually spread everywhere to the mild flu like symptoms people talk about. Only took a paracetamol to go to sleep as my head hurt a bit. I was really cold though and my temperature went quite low despite 3 jumpers and the heating on pretty high, just for half a day. Nothing to even slow down my day and absolutely worth it for having the amazing vaccine. I really was s o pleased to get it and feel like my invisible armour is growing every day before I go back to school and face the 1000+ students who show no symptoms. It has made me feel much safer. Back on Monday boo.  Mum had hers about 4 weeks ago Carole and we had to have an ambulance out for her. It was expected after 2 ambulances for shingles and really struggles with anything these day. She was still very pleased to have it and thought it was worth it though. The oldies are so brave. Lisa how are you. have you been working from home or have you gone back into the office yet? They must be very busy trying to help everyone. Any plans for this year yet? We have booked a weeks holiday nearby to just literally go somewhere else in July and fingers crossed will be able to go. It will be taking all the dogs and just out and about walking and on the beach. I am strangely as excited as if I was going on a trip to America for a month. How has my expectation gone down. Love to all readers Lily xx ... View more

Hello Carole, I am sorry to hear you are finding this such a tough time, which we all understand. Yes I imagine I am going to go through the same guilt about moaning one day 😞 Its just human nature and after all you are not moaning about your mum. You wouldn't have needed to moan about her. It was the person that dementia and illness had made her and that was not the real her. You know that, so be kind to yourself. My mum used to talk to my dad's photo long after he had gone or you might like to write in a diary as you go through this period of mourning. Then there is something to keep to mark this passing. Do you speak to your sister or the rest of your family regularly? This has made you home sick too and isolated. How about planning for when you can come over and fixing a provisional date?  Anyway thinking of you and hope you can soon think of happier memories love Lily xx ... View more

No that did not work at all and I tried it 3 times. However, as it now list the last page it is easy to jump to the end. Before now, it would jump to somewhere in the middle. This may have been someone reading it who had stopped at that point I guess. So we can manage thank you   ... View more

Hello ladies, just bumping us up to the top again. Hoping you can get on here ok as it keeps getting reversed again, so annoying. Carole I wanted to ask how you were and about the arrangements for your mum so I could be thinking of you that day, across the water. I hope happier memories are starting to help you get through these sad days. Lisa have you made any plans for this summer yet? Its tempting and you always mange to do so much. I am quite afraid of being ill abroad. It is such a scary time to be ill. I have a date for my vaccine now which will make me feel a lot safer at work but a bit worried about the side effects some people have to, as only just better from my last problem. Still its nothing compared to what I could get with covid so I am going to hope I'm a lucky one and be very grateful to have it given to me. Victor seriously needs a slap after telling me the person who did his seemed to think it was a javelin argggh. He has been fortunate to not experience much illness at all so I think he is under-estimating how brave us bc girls are having had cannulas shoved up veins. Carole's were put in between her toes from memory in France (that did make me wince, still does) and mine had to go into the artery of my heart. So I think a weeny injection is no match for us 🙂     Thinking of you both love Lily xx ... View more

Hello I just went on our thread and has gone back to the start again so we immediately view one of our friends who died a very long time ago. It also makes it difficult to post as you cannot go to the latest post. It may be someone else doing this possibly but we would like it to go straight to our last post please if you could help Thank you Lily x ... View more

Hello, I just read the posts behind this and realised I had not mentioned your friend Lisa. She can't have been very old and what a shock to hear that, for you. I am so sorry to hear that it also made you revisit all the sad memories about Graham and those difficult times. Thinking of you too and hope you, well we all can have some happier days and be able to plan the holidays we love and hug as many people as we want. It seems a little way off still but the vaccines are bringing much hope. I catch the next batch after the big group going through. No vaccines for teachers but I am still at home. Its very hard work doing live online lessons and my eyes are wrecked every day but parents seem very enthusiastic so if it helps the kids and families it is worth it. I would very much like to have had the vaccine and the 3 weeks needed for it to protect you but it seems likely that I will spend every day with 1200 people in narrow corridors and hope I stay safe.  Hugs to both of you. Lily xxx ... View more

Hello Carole, I am so sorry to hear your news. It sounds like she had no quality of life left but I am sure even though you knew this, it is still a big loss and a gap in your life. I wish I had come on here sooner and I apologise that I haven't been here to support you. Its been a difficult time here too but I still would have liked to talk to you. I hope you can gain some comfort from talking to family. You need some company at a time like this and I hope the  company of your lovely dogs helps too as they often sense when their owners are upset and stay close to them. I assume you will not be able to attend the funeral which is another blow but I hope you can be part of her celebration online. I watched my aunt's funeral online and it was unexpectedly nice and we felt a part of it, just the same. How old was she?  Ask them to put aside some keepsakes from mum that will bring you comfort later on. Cyber hugs Carole xxx Lisa I am sorry I have not been on here to talk to you too. I am still coming to terms with losing Nicky and every time I come on here it reminds me. In time that will be a good thing. You are right I had tooth trouble but I will say no more until I announce it is done. Mum had to wait ages for her vaccine and we were ringing most days before it eventually happened a week ago. She had a reaction to the vaccine, as expected and the carer dialled 111 who called an ambulance so another dash over there. The paramedic was horrible to the carer and I. She was grumpy and fierce so mum was scared and acted like the downtrodden old lady after giving me weeks of emotional draining and refusing to eat or drink. Her archaic view is that mum being cared for by an expensive agency in her own home (which is her choice) with 4 visits minimum a day and having anything she wants, was in fact mum being not looked after?? At the point she told me I was unkind for not going to a chemist to consult about anti-sickness drugs (that would fit with her massive cocktail of drugs and conditions) despite the fact that I told her that my brother deals with all her prescriptions and drug reviews, I walked out on her mid-sentence. She told mum that nobody could tell her she should eat and not to eat anything if she didn't want to. Mum is currently on the edge of diabetes and has sky high ketones so we have been urged by the GP to get her to eat carbs to combat this and given warning symptoms to watch for. I didn't say anything as I admire the NHS and will just out this down to her having some kind of mental stress. Meanwhile mum has stopped eating again and using it to control people! She has been very kind about my tooth trouble which at least made her think about someone else, which she is at her best in these situations.  Sorry Carole, I didn't know whether to tell you about our latest drama. That's 3 ambulances in under 4 weeks. I did tell the old bag that she was not taking mum in to hospital as she was better at home unless they had something specific to treat her with, and she replied that it didn't really matter what I thought as she had already decided that mum was able to make her own decisions. Mum wanted someone to sit on the end of the bed and watch her snore all night! I waited until she was asleep and went home, needed to for my own sanity tbh. Victor had the Oxford vaccine yesterday as they are now on over 65s and I hope he will feel happier as he has been very worried. This morning he had mild flu symptoms and felt a bit warm but gone during the day, so hopefully ok tomorrow. Lisa I was sorry to hear your brother needs an op. Will he have to wait until the hospitals are clearer?  Most of all Carole, thinking of you, try to keep busy. Perhaps you could make something to remember your mum by, some needlework that you are so good at or planting something in your garden. Big hugs Lily xx ... View more

Hello Carole and Lisa, Carole what a bother about those 3 letters and I bet he paid a lot for a private test too. Some are £250 here. He will have to keep an eye on the changes. How exciting for your daughter to be moving to a house now, will there be dogs next? I wondered if there was a reason to move. I know you are all dog fans like us. The thing on the hand sounds difficult to cope with during the day but if it works then it will be worth it. I think you should buy ready prepared veg until you are much better, to save the effort. I have quite a lot of discomfort from having a shattered tooth root dug out. It was quick but I had a swollen face and the nerves are screaming in protest. I rather overdid the tablets to get a sleep last night and I woke up rested and it had calmed. Only soft foods for a few days though and a lot of treatment to come as they discovered there was no bone at all underneath. I am rather scared as they need to graft some in. Not thinking about that. Our birthdays all coming up. I hope you can still have a nice day despite the restrictions.  Hugs Lily xxx ... View more

Hi Lisa and Carole, I tried to post on here the other day and we were back at the start again grrr. Who keeps mucking it around so you can't post? Anyway it was good to hear from you. The 3 musketeers no or is it 3 little pigs 🙂   We were all very excited about seeing snow and got none on the ground at all. if you looked very carefully you could see a few flakes in the breeze once or twice. Kids are very disappointed. I don't mind as easier to get around. What is the weather like with both of you?  I have the dentist this week yuk. Pretty certain I am starting on another giant bill as I have another sheered off crown. It is horrible and had to wait a while to get in to see him. Mum quite a bit better. How is your mum Carole, as she was not well. Sorry its a quick post but then not much you can do to talk about. We had another of the children's birthdays and I stood outside and watched him open them all, best I could do. Love Lily xxx ... View more

Hello Carole, a belated happy birthday and I hope you managed some nice calls from the rest of the family and a few pressies before your mum's condition took over everything. How well I recognise this situation. I spend a lot of time looking at my mother with her eyes shut so I am not sure if this means anything or just a sign of staying at a low level of existence. Keep us posted as it must be such a worry when you are abroad, not that anyone could see her. I hope she is at least comfortable and things like urine infections knock oldies for six. I will be thinking of you. I think mine is pulling out of the latest chaos in everyone's lives as she could not possibly have enough energy to be so mean and moody if she was heading into a coma. I think!  I have been pushing the boat and really working on all the family to make more contact with her. Even giving them her very topics and telling them to chat about seeing her when she has had her vaccine. Organising rotas to call her at lonely times of her day. I managed to get some people to be able to see her through the window briefly without breaking any self distancing rules or risking her. I really tried to give her a great morning, She thanked me and said it had made such a difference. Next day I rang she told me to shut up and go away and put the phone down on me. Do you know what I mean when I say its hard to keep putting yourself through this over and over and to not let it overwhelm you? So I didn't call at all for a day, took a risk she wouldn't pop off in that time. Then called in today to see her and she was pleased to see me. Well for 5 minutes then went eyes shut again. My brother can't think of her going but I can't bear to think of having dreadful memories of unkindness, which he doesn't get, just me really. That would be worst for me, if she has had enough. She keeps saying she has. Anyway, sorry that was a bit deep and very gloomy but that is where I am at the moment. No sign of a vaccine coming her way despite the surgery giving them to people in group 4! If you can't get there, tough luck at the moment. Hoping it will turn around very soon. The surgery have both vaccines. Carole I am hoping for the best for both of them and when it happens one day, it being peaceful and easy for them.  Lisa how are things with you? I really think you should get another dog. You were so fond of Robbie. Any chance? How are the family? Hope they are keeping well. I have raging toothache and it looks like another major disaster and many appointments at you know where !!! I think the chemo wrecked my teeth or maybe it was me too as I love chocolate. I need a difficult extraction but they can't fit me in for a bit 😞 Think its heading for an abscess. Well we have last Easter's holiday rolling round again and it just doesn't look like we will get it this year either. I would like to book things and have found a week on the coast in July too but I am not willing to pay the deposit, in case the firm goes under before then. They want 50% deposit so quite a lot to lose. Anything planned you two? I am looking at my postcard of the Spanish steps and the Colosseum and feel like Rome is calling me. We watched a lovely documentary about a lovely rail journey through Sicily and thought yes we will definitely go there. Then they talked about waking up all the time and finding volcanic ash everywhere and we were slightly put off. Have either of you been?  Well I better go now as my tablets are making my tooth be quiet so I can sleep. Carole I hope things improve for mum Love Lily xxx ... View more

Hello buddies, we saw snow for the first time today but it did not last long, just very inconvenient trying to get shopping for everyone else I shop for and get in and out all their houses without getting soaked. Roads were a bit flooded but not oo bad. Our garden is like a bog and under water. Our stream is close to overflowing but the house is up much higher ground so it doesn't matter. Dogs getting very wet feet though. The pup was scared of the snow and ran straight back in, so I had to send our oldy out with her for some confidence, That worked.  Lisa I heard your town mentioned on the news and about how well they have got on with vaccinating 🙂   Brilliant.    Carole you are describing exactly how my mum is before the vaccine!!!! Heaven help us. She is very weak, very low and not wanting to be here, which I find incredibly difficult to accept. The shingles has destroyed her really and left terrible pain in her head and eye so not easy. No dr will come and see her. Its stay home on your own or call an ambulance. No other choice. She is also refusing to eat or drink some days so I have had to sadly say to the family, you might like to try to talk to her because she can't go on like this. They haven't seen her for months and they lift her spirits. She can't even hold the phone for long. I'm coming to terms with her having dropped to an even lower level but she could bounce back if she ate. She is master of her own destiny at the moment. Seeing family walking round her room a lot, is that a sign?  Love to you both. Lily xxx ... View more

Hi Carole and Lisa, how are you? Lisa have you had much snow yet? Nothing here but I have to spray the windscreen every morning for a light frost. Carole what sort of temperature do you have over there?   Carole I am happy to hear about your troubles with your mum too, makes me feel like I am not the only one! I made a big effort yesterday to make a nice visit and she closed her eyes and told me to go away and leave her alone! i told my brother that was it. I was done. So he must have been working behind the scenes and reasoning with her, as she was very nice to me this morning. Never know what reception you will get when you walk in. She will get the oxford vaccine as soon as her surgery start home visits for the housebound. My uncle had his second pfizer a week ago so is pretty much protected now. I had to drive about 7 miles to get it but as I've been told he has zero chance if he gets it, I was happy to be given the option. Lisa will your parents be eligible to get it fairly early? I can't remember how old they are. Carole if mum is in a home, she will be getting one pretty soon too as they are visiting care homes first. Carole you mentioned your daughter getting a vaccine, is it because she works in a school as she is in the safe, younger group from what we get told? There is a campaign starting for teachers and school staff here to get it. It makes sense as the schools can't stay open without enough staff, if they are keeping schools open as a priority. Plus if they got on with it while we are off, the 2 - 3 weeks after the vaccine, before you have protection would have started to pass.  Who knows what will happen. My daughter works with early years children so she had to go to work. She wasn't happy but said she felt ok when there. Her children stayed home with their dad, who was trying to do his job and zoom calls and having a bit of a nightmare trying to combine the 2 jobs ha ha.  I am not keen on a patch of grey appearing in my hair so I have enlisted son to dye my hair tomorrow. I have not done a home dye before so a bit apprehensive. I've tested it on my arm today and no reaction so far. I bought one of the ones to just blend roots just in case it is not the right shade for the rest of it. I couldn't see much difference in the shades on the boxes. Will let you know how it goes. I am a bit scared but as I don't really go out there is time to sort it out if I need to. Its surprising how much losing your hair colour varies. I saw my neighbour, who is quite a bit younger than me go past with a huge completely white patch on the top of her head. I still have  lot of dark hair with greys bouncing in all over the place. They look like they might be curlier too, which might be fun. How are you both getting on without hairdressers? Love to all. Lily xxx   ... View more

Hello Carole and Lisa, Happy new year to you. Carole I had no idea you were going through so much worry and how lovely when you realised he would be back in time for Christmas 🙂   I am not noticing the restrictions now it is so cold. The family do drive past or cycle past the house and stop but its freezing which restricts the minutes you can stand being still. I am really busy with mum being very ill and bordering diabetes now and diabetic necrosis they say, because she has refused to eat hardly since the shingles. She is like a lunatic living in a dream, talking about driving her car in bed and talking to people in historic costumes walking about her house!  I would worry more if she didn't snap out of it and know every single word every dr had said to her and knowing exact times of everyone visiting her over days. Its probably a reaction to a drug which she often has or the mild water infection. All I know is, she is killing me by ringing me in the middle of the night talking rubbish, so I can't get to sleep.   None of us can work out what is real and what is exaggerated, another thing she does a lot.  I have been there every day but very often she will shut her eyes and not even speak to me. She has been warned how ill she is and immediately started eating again but small amounts. Says she can't even stand and then the carer say she walked to have her lunch. Who knows what is going on! My uncle has had his 2nd covid vaccine so at least he has protection. He was at the very top of the shielded people so that is a relief. I'm hoping he can visit mum before too long. She missed her vaccine as had this other infection. They are keeping me very busy and now its work starting again. I have just been told I can work from home after saying over and over I don't want to go in. Its a ton of work this time as they want a lot more done for every class so i will be on a screen the whole day.  Lisa there is no ppe in schools here. My daughter is in a reception class and they just have hand sanitiser not allowed masks even. Although they are having masks after Christmas and we are in a high risk area now after having almost nobody with it. I think that is why so many more now as we just didn't know anyone who had it. I have had to wear a mask and distance all the time in secondary, only taking my mask off when everyone far enough away. I even have to wear mine outside at work. She has had none. I'm glad you both managed a nice Christmas  . It helps you battle on through the colder months. No snow at all down here but I looked out my gloves as so much colder. I left a message on Nicky's mobile but I don't think anyone will see it. Yes the service is recorded and online for a few weeks Carole, if you follow the link from Helen. I really don't think she knew until very late, if at all because of the sudden stop of communication. I hope she wanted it that way as we were in such a mess with the thread at that critical time. I feel like her spirit is still with us and she would be telling us to plan trips as soon as it is safe to go. Happy new year buddies love Lily xxx ... View more

Hi everyone, yes we had Christmas all figured out and then lost it and not able to see anyone on Christmas day except one of my 2 oldies. We were so upset as had lots of quarantines and last minute everyone came back negative. We were all so excited. Then we went into tier 4 ................................................ We were trying to send food to everyone in the family that had not planned to be cooking and had no food. Half a chocolate gateau in some cases. I was loaded with food so passed quite a bit on. Still trying to eat it. Working in school is pretty scary right now. It feels selfish to say it really as we have jobs and we are not in the highest level of risk like the medical and caring professions but we don't get any ppe. I share my hand sanitiser with everyone else who uses the sane rooms and hits the lid with their hand! My school are pretty good but most around us have folded with so many kids with no symptoms at all. Completely well and carrying out round everywhere. Most people find out when the parent or grandparent gets it and is very ill. Do not let any children too close to your oldies. You really cannot tell they have it.  Did you watch the funeral today. I was there too if you were online, sitting at the back quietly. Very strange hearing about the life of someone you know well emotionally but not at all about other parts of their life. Her daughter's beautiful poem, how Nick would have felt to hear that. i hope she told her. I think she would have. I tried to celebrate our friendship but its hard not to think about what we have lost too .Our dear friend. Another dear friend. And then there were 3. Hugs buddies love Lily xxx ... View more

Hi Lisa and Carole, hope you managed some happier moments over Christmas. Its been tough not seeing any of the family but we managed a few drive pasts and zoom each day. Mum still very ill from the shingles and exhausting my brother and I tying to persuade her to eat or drink. She's sick all the time because she won't eat but has to have tablets. Now unable to walk again and she had cancelled most of her care this xmas, been tough at times. Had my uncle with dementia here both days as his support bubble. He had no meals for xmas and is not safe to cook anything. He was very sweet but it was a very odd gathering. He has us in stitches laughing at the same cracker joke over and over. We split and my brother became mum's support bubble as they couldn't be together. Very tricky to cover everyone and follow tier 4 rules.  The whole Christmas I've been bombarded with positive covid calls from the last week of school and they are still coming. I have to remember where everyone sat and if anyone moved or of I was near anyone, going back 10 days!! I feel like I have a target on my back, so many in my classes. School kids are just walking spreaders at the moment as they literally have no symptoms. I thought it was an exaggeration until one came back and told me, he had no idea at all and had sat in my class for 2 days with it. They are completely well and then pass it to  their parents or grandparents who become ill and that is when they test everyone and  discover the kids are positive. I can't imagine why they think it will be ok to open schools. If enough teachers are ill at the same time, the whole school has to close. My diabetic friend is so worried about being made to go back soon 😞      They were even talking about teachers doing the covid tests on kids. Last time I checked I didn't apply for a medical job so hope that does not go ahead. Really hoping I can be home and teach online before I make one of my family seriously ill. Sorry its very stressful at the moment. I think this terribly sad news about our Nicky has made me much more focused on how fragile we all are. I am planning to watch the service and will be thinking of you all. We also lost an old chap last week but he was 97 and so much easier to celebrate such a long innings. Hugs to both of you. Love Lily xxx   ... View more