Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that you've had surgery cancelled due to Covid. Although my situation is a lot different to yours, I'd love to help if I can. Body image can be difficult for so many of us, even before breast surgery. 7 years ago I had a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction with implant as I felt that I was unable to deal with going flat. This month I had a mastectomy on the other side and my implant removed. Unlike you, I made the choice to go flat on both sides, but like you, I was scared of how I would react to the sight and feel of it. It is clearly early days for me, but one of the things that I did a fortnight ago was to look at lots of photos of women that were flat on one or both sides both with and without clothes. I used Pinterest to save the images so that I could revisit them alone or with others. I couldn't look at some of them at first, but some I liked more and saved in a separate folder. Many of the images are of women who radiate confidence, happiness or downright defiance. When I first looked at them I was shocked and even put off and so was my partner. I guess that this is a natural reaction and we never see images of woman who've had mastectomies in our day to day lives. But just revisiting them over a few days desensitised me and normalised them. The number and range of photos that I could look at comfortably increased. So that when I looked down and saw my flat chest after surgery I was prepared and actually felt positive. I'm under no illusions that I will feel great every day, but I take comfort from the fact that I am amongst the company of some remarkable women, who by putting their photos out there have helped me. Even if you are only flat for a short while until you undergo more surgery, it might be really helpful to look at some positive 'flat' images. I can try to send you a link to my Pinterest board if you would like and if you think that it would save you some time looking for photos. I have some other things that might be of help too.
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