Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hello All   It sounds like you've all been having good weekends.  Nice to hear from you Rolicarpit and good luck with going back to work.   I think the time has come for me to have a little break from the board too.  My sister leaves this week and I will be back at work in a couple of weeks and I feel like I need to spend a bit less time online with cancer-related things as I get back to my routine and find my "new normal".  I still have rads to come of course but I do have a bit of a break first.    All you amazing ladies have been so wonderfully supportive and it's been a pleasure getting to know you and sharing our journeys.  Wishing you all the best for the coming weeks.  I will pop in from time to time to say hi and see how you are all doing but for the moment I won't be around for a while.   Love and virtual hugs.   x ... View more

Less on the grumpy step tonight!   I saw the nurse about my seroma.  They want to wait and see if it goes away in a few weeks.  They would rather not aspirate unless it gets worse.  The nurse took time to explain things and talk about other concerns so it was a worthwhile visit.  The counselling session was helpful and then I spent the afternoon in the pub for a colleague's leaving do!  Just what I needed and it was nice to see everyone prior to my return to work - it will make it easier.   I hope you all sleep well and have good weekends.  I am going to spend the time doing some nice things with my sister as she'll be leaving soon.   x ... View more

Morning All   I am definitely on the grumpy step this morning.   Lovewine - I totally understand what you are saying about the delayed reaction.  I can't quite believe what has happened this year when I look back and it feels overwhelming.  Meet wonderful new partner, get diagnosed with cancer two months later, embark on treatment, partner amazingly supportive, partner gets ill (you can probably put two and two together following my previous comments about "someone very close" and depression), partner becomes ex-partner, treatment rumbles on.  It seems neverending and yet the thought of going back to work, Tamoxifen, radiotherapy all still to come.....  I can't even imagine the point where I put all this behind me and just get on with life and even then it's not going to be the life I was imagining for myself earlier this year.  I have an appointment with my counsellor today thank goodness - maybe she can help me get some perspective.   To add to it (sorry for the rant!) my seroma has reappeared.  Having thought I'd seen the last of hospital for a few weeks I have to go in this morning for the nurse to have a look.  They don't want to drain it so looks like I will have to live with it for a while and see if it reabsorbs.  It's very uncomfortable as it rubs under my arm when I'm walking.  Other than that all looks ok after the surgery.  I didn't have any dressings on afterwards so have had little choice but to look!  Will have big scar on my back but it will fade in time.  Won't know how the two boobs compare until after it has settled and i've seen the effects of the rads.  Hope all goes well with the results on Monday Lovewine and I hope you are happy with the outcome of the surgery once settled.  You too Joan.   Gosh what a lot of nails going.  I don't feel in the clear with that then.  Mine look like I'm smoking 20 a day but no signs on coming off yet.  Will reapply nail varnish today and ignore them.   Rosie - good luck today.  Hope you have a lovely weekend and a happy birthday.  Glad to hear that your dad has stabilised.   TLJ - I hope your son settles well.  I'm glad you feel your fitness levels are recovering.  I am desperate to get back to more activity.  I have walked almost every day throughout all this which has helped enormously.  I was quite pleased that I walked my daughter to school and then did a bit further 48 hours after surgery!  Looking forward to the 12 week point though when I can start doing more.   Wildpurl - your energy levels seem impressive as always!  How long after surgery did you get back to pilates?   Have a good day everyone.   x         ... View more

Hello All   Thank you for all the good wishes for my op yesterday.  It all seemed to go as well as could be expected.  I didn't even have to wait very long as I was moved up the list.  The surgeon said it went well and she seemed pleased with her handiwork which is encouraging!  I stayed in hospital last night but was home by lunchtime today.  It's pretty sore - a lot more so than the last op but under control so far.  The scar is on my side and back and quite long but the breast is untouched.    Joan - sorry to hear about your picc line troubles but pleased that your oncologist meeting went well and you have stopped worrying so much.   Lovewine - sorry to hear about your son.  I have some (very recent) experience of someone very close to me suffering from clinical depression and cutting their meds.  It is extremely hard to deal with and very confusing and worrying.  It's difficult to know how to help and be understanding whilst trying not to get dragged down yourself.   Blackrock sands - that reminds me of my childhood.  I have memories of being in the family Ford Zephyr and driving the car on to the beach.  I'd love to go back and see how it compares to my memories!   x ... View more

Good morning all.   Hello Tulamo and a belated Happy Birthday.  I'm glad you had a nice meal out.  How old is your son?  Pleased to hear that the vegetable based dye worked.  I'm still at the fuzzy stage at the moment so still wearing my wig when out but looking forward to the day when I feel comfortable without.   Wildpurl - Snowdonia sounds great.  Glad you're enjoying other days out too.    Lovewine - the day with your son sounds lovely.  I always like the idea of picking up bric a brac/charity shop bargains but I never quite get around to looking!   Rosie - sorry to hear your dad isn't well and i hope there is a diagnosis soon so that you know what you are dealing with.   It sounds like you had such a long and difficult day last week - it just goes on and on doesn't it.  I hope the discomfort eases up soon.   Cassie - sounds like you are doing well being back at work full time.  I am inspecting my eyes every day for signs of little lashes but nothing much happening.  I managed to hold on to my eyebrows.  They have thinned but they were quite thick to begin with so look ok.   I still have my very large seroma but that will get drained off during tomorrow's surgery.  The shooting nerve pain in my arm has subsided a bit.  The GP gave me a low dose of amitriptyline - not sure if that helped the pain but I have certainly been sleeping better!   So, second surgery tomorrow.  Feeling nervous and rather low.  Not helped by ongoing relationship/friendship issues.  Ridiculously bad timing.  I'm expecting to be in hospital overnight so will catch up with you all later this week.   x ... View more

Hello All   Quick update as typing one handed.  10 days post op and really sharp nerve pain down arm.  Ouch. Also large seroma.  Just seen nurse who says all normal and they dont want to touch seroma until op next tuesday.  Codeine and Tramadol make me sick so just waiting to talk to GP about alternatives.  Was doing well up to this point.   Hope you are all ok.  Quite envious to think of gardening, pilates and shopping.   The Impatient Patient.   x  ... View more

Good morning all.   I'm feeling much calmer this morning and have just had a lovely walk with a friend to start the day.   Rosie - more hospital appointments?  What is happening next?  Yes, i have been to NZ twice to visit my sister but the next trip will be the first with my daughter.  Actually I think I might lock my sis in the loft and hide her passport - we don't want her to leave!   Lisa - good luck with the Tamoxifen.  I'll be interested to hear how you get on.  I am starting on 1st October - the day I also return to work.   Joan - sorry that other areas were identified.  It is a constant worry isn't it - what else might be lurking that we don't yet know about.  Barcelona sounds wonderful and thanks for the insurance tip.   Have a good day everyone.   x ... View more

Hi Wildpurl   Yes, there would be less cancer in the nodes than previously as it did not show up on the MRI which it had before and, yes, it is good that it wasn't present in others.  I am calming down a bit now and trying to be rational.    As for the relationship, I don't think it was really down to the cancer (although I'm sure it didn't help).  He has some health and other problems himself and needed to take a step back.  As you say, never a good time.  At least I still have him as a really great and very supportive friend.   Hope you are doing well.   x   ... View more

Gosh, no, I've never heard of that from Macmillan - will check it out, thanks for the tip. x ... View more

Thats quite a long wait Lovewine.  I hate all the waiting and anxiety it brings.   I was supposed to have gone to NZ this summer but hope to go next year instead if I can afford the increased insurance premiums post-cancer! (and haven't spent too much in legal fees on my divorce!).   x ... View more

Lovewine - when are you getting your results?   Joan - my sister is still with me but returns to NZ on 18th.  Ex partner wasn't living with me but 50 miles away which wasn't ideal anyway. He is still supportive but not physically here much at the moment due to some fairly heavy problems of his own. I am busy lining up lots of things with friends post-18th.  Of course, I have my 7 year old with me a lot of the time.  My second op is a LICAP flap reconstruction where they move a bit of tissue/fat across from chest wall to "fill the gap".  I will have all my scars down my side and on my back but the breast will be scar-free.  Amazing really.  I will have 6 weeks of radiotherapy in Oct/nov - more than I'd been told originally.  How were your results?  What are your concerns?    Sorry, so out of touch and too many pages of posts to catch up fully.  I have been thinking of all of you though.   x ... View more

Thanks for the kind words Lovewine.  I had been so cheered by the "excellent" response to chemo and the encouraging MRI that positive nodes had sort of fallen off my radar.  I had ultrasound, MRI and needle biospsies on the nodes pre chemo.  I think I may well call someone tomorrow.   My surgeon seemed unconcerned about the seroma and seemed happy to deal with it in surgery unless it gets worse in the next few days.   Yes, it's a pain dealing with relationships problems right now and very sad.  I really have had enough of 2014.   How are you doing?   x ... View more

Hello All   Sorry I haven't been around for such a long time.  It's been a difficult few weeks and I just haven't felt able to post.  I haven't caught up with all your news yet but have a few mins so here's an update on me.   I had my first surgery last Tuesday.  I had node clearance and footprint of original lump and associated patches removed.  It went fine and I was home that evening with no drain and no dressing!  Was very surprised at that.  Stitches internal and then glued up!  The first few days were quite comfortable with only paracetamol and ibuprofen occasionally.  I now have a seroma under the node scar but they will drain it at second surgery which will go ahead next Tuesday.  I also have saline in my breast to keep the gap open.  I can hear it sloshing when I walk - very weird!  The morning of the surgery was horrible though.  It was a wire led procedure as lump had disappeared.  They had problems getting the wires in under mammogram.  I must have had 15 of the things.  In the end just as they located my clip and put in the local anasthetic, my body rebelled (no food, low blood pressure, hot flushes in a freezing cold room and general stress) and I fainted.  They then got one in under ultrasound but couldn't find the other clip so I went ahead with just the one.  It was all very stressful.   I had results today and mixed feelings.  There were a few small residual patches left in the breast but they got it all and had clear margins which is great.  However, having been told nothing showing in nodes on MRI, 2/14 nodes still tested positive (the original and only 2).  This has freaked me out.  The chemo was deemed to be "excellent almost complete response" and "resolved" my tumour and yet it didn't do the full job on the nodes.  What if some stray cells have escaped and are on the move and the chemo hasn't zapped them either?  I had stopped worrying about nodes after the MRI and now I am gutted.  Has this happened to anyone else?   I was also told I would be given Tamoxifen for 10 years rather than 5 and have rads for 6 weeks rather than 4 - same amount but smaller doses for a better aesthetic result apparently.  So much to take on board and process.  I wasn't expecting all this.   Emotionally the last few weeks have been very tough.  My partner is now my ex-partner/best friend.  Not what I wanted to be dealing with in the middle of breast cancer treatment.  The future is suddenly looking a much more difficult place than I anticipated.   I hope you are all doing well, whatever stage you are at.  I will try to catch up on your posts very soon.   x       ... View more

Good morning everyone   Booksandwine - good to hear from you.  Glad to hear surgery went ok and not too much pain.  Happy Birthday for earlier and hope you enjoy celebrating when you are feeling better.  Yes, hospitals are very noisy aren't they?!  No rest there.   Lovewine - glad you have your surgery plan.  Your panic attack sounds very familiar to me.  Now chemo is over friends are talking about "coming through the other side" and "getting back to normal" when I know that life will be very different from how it was before and I still have to face all sorts of challenges.  Thinking of it as my "new normal".   Rosie - sorry you are having trouble with expanders - i hope you can get that sorted.   Wildpurl - glad you enjoyed a day off.  Even the thought of work seems a bit strange to me at the moment!   Joan - pleased you are feeling well - it's amazing what a good night's sleep can do.   Well, I had a bad day yesterday.  i had an appointment with a radiologist to discuss having radio to the lymph nodes rather than surgery as I had read a recent study that found there was less risk of lymphoedema with rads.  Firstly I didn't see the person who I thought would be seeing, then he said that the studies that have been done have all been done on women who have had adjuvant chemo and as there was no research on women who have had neoadjuvant chemo they still recommend surgical clearance.  So i was disappointed with that.  He then went on to say that I would be having rads to my supraclavicular fossa (above the collarbone) as there were nodes there.  First I'd heard of it so that came as a bit of a shock.  Has anyone else had that?  I thought I was just having the rads to the breast.  Then he finished off with the tactless comment that if they have to take more tissue than expected at surgery (I'm having WLE with flap recon which I am happy with) then I'll need a mastectomy after all.  As I have had an "excellent almost complete response" to chemo with only a teeny tiny bit left, it's a bit frustrating to think they might take just as much tissue anyway.  I felt upset afterwards and just so fed up with the whole cancer thing.  Just when you think you know what is happening to you, something completely new comes along.    Anyway, today is a new day and my sister and I are heading for the Moore/Rodin exhibition at Compton Verney (Warwickshire) and then going on to visit my Mum.  So for today at least I shall put it all to one side and go and relax.   I hope you all have a good day.   x ... View more

Thanks for the kind words Rosie.  It would be good if all other life problems and issues would just disappear for the duration of the treatment but unfortunately things don't work quite like that!   It's strange isn't it how we have all had such different hair loss/growth patterns whilst basically having the same drugs.  My leg hair never really stopped - just slowed down but just when everything else is growing, the legs seems to have slowed down even more!  I wish my eyelashes would grow as I have a really watery eye and the lack of lashes doesn't help.  I know that I'm very lucky to have held on to my brows though (although I still may not be completely out the woods) so won't complain about the lashes!  My head is fluffy and I'm still trying to work out what colour is coming through.   Hope you're having a good day.   x ... View more