Pam by the time you see your surgeon next Thursday my op will be done - so weird!
Jane - I am so very pleased for you as I know how stressed you've been. I can't believe what you're trying to achieve in the next 24 hours - mental!
Silver, saw you post in the other thread and had nothing constructive to add. I did however want to say don't freak out because a colleague of mine had scans when there was no reason to suspect anything untoward and the scans confirmed nothing amiss.
Emily - still laughing. Name it? Really? Why don't you say to her along the lines of, " I don't know, now what should I call it? A name that encapsulates intrusive, parasitic qualities ooh how about xxx(insert her name here )." I daydream about saying stuff like that, sometimes to the extent that I'm not sure if I've aid it out loud!
Sallyann, we could have had a chat at 4.15 as I've been awake since then too. Just having a quick cup of tea then off up to Cheshire Oaks for some serious shopping - this is me who hates shopping and all the hustle and bustle it entails!
I'll update you, Emily, on my little dog when we've seen the vet later.
To all the rest of you ladies, have a good Wednesday.
Good frosty morning to you all
Glad I could make someone chuckle, Said woman also wanted me to name it!!!!! Don;t even go there. I'm still in shock from her.
What I don't like about this forum is I can only read one reply below and I wanted to reply to all of you and now I can't remember who said what.
Jane, I hope your dog is OK
Silverlady I love your attitude, stuff 'em!! Although don;t be so harsh on yourself...beautiful bald and brave xxx
Good morning ladies,
I love reading your posts, puts a smile on my face. I have been really lucky as no one has said anything weird or hurtful yet. Mind you, I work in a man only environment & I am treated like a princess. My mum was on a cruise after she had finished her first battle & she wasn't wearing her wig, just short cropped hair. The women behind her whispered to her friend, "you'd think she'd have more pride & cover her head up". I think this spurs me on not to worry about what other people think when I lose my hair & breast and not to care. I shall be the happiest, lopsided, fat, bald headed woman on the plant when this is over.
Good to hear from you all - I have some news but won't actually think it's happening until the Anaesthetist is putting me to sleep - I'm going in on Friday. Went into work as my boss had some safeguarding issues he wanted to discuss and while I was there I had THE phone call. Anyway I've hit panic stations, for the last few years I've taken over from my mum making Christmas cakes for the family - one for me, one for my parents, one for the in laws and one for my brother. Well, what does one do with an operation looming ...... Start the Christmas cakes. Fruit needs to soak for 24 hours in brandy - fruit for two cakes soaking, tins greased and lined, two cakes will be cooked tomorrow and two on Thursday. Christmas shopping needs to be done tomorrow too. I'll probably sleep with exhaustion, but suddenly my adrenaline is being put to good use!
Poor dog is back at the vets tomorrow as she is still slightly lame - this is ongoing since my diagnosis and she's already had £400 X-rays and other tests. Perhaps she's coming out in sympathy.
Anyway, off to bed now. Night all. Xx
If she were a normal person I would but she'd honestly just be pleased I'd given her the information. She has stopped short of asking me directly, bent round it a bit with me and asked others outright. I'm desperate for her to ask me the straight question but she won't, hasn't got the balls.
Night all - keep warm! X
AND she's a blooming health visitor! so you would think she had more about her!.....don't like nosy cows either! mind you, you could really throw her a curve ball and just stand there and tell her and watch her Squirm!
Come ride my horse, he's a babe. My little fat gypsy cob. Love him.
"Well if you think the worst then. It can only get better" WTF - seriously you did very well not to lose your job! There is something very wrong with some people. There's a woman at work who I don't like, who doesn't like me. She is aware that I'm not going to be in for a while but doesn't know why. She has done everything she can to find out what's up and's not out of concern. Grrr.
Riding a horse - let alone your own horse - that would help! X
Sallyann, much like me, mine was longer than I had hoped but now with 2 weeks to go it seems to be looming and I haven't done any Christmas shopping!
Pam, nice to hear from you, glad you are doing ok xxxx
Stru, I just spat my wine all over the place lol! So true! My favourite from today was, "well if you think the worst then it can only be better!" Errrrrr..did I miss the bit where this person was a sadistic cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I may have just looked at her with my mouth open for a good 30 seconds before my brain re-engaged and it snapped shut!....Very shut.... I was at work....my tongue is rather bitten lol!
Seriously though Stru, I also don;t think there is anything wrong with you. Its a coping mechanism. I've been doing it, hence why I said that I think I'm in denial and I think the tiredness is just emotional fatigue, even when you don;t think that you ARE emotional its still there and this whole situation is just soooo wearing all of the time. I totally belive that if you asked anyone how I am doing, they would say I'm fine, no different to normal, yet living like that and showing a "brace face" is tiring in itself! Am I making sense or have I now really lost it???
Anyways, hope everyone has had a better day? I rode my horse and got some physical exercise and I've been to Tesco and bought food I like rather than what I think I should be buying to eat!!! Now I have a glass of wine and am sitting here thinking I need to empty the diswasher, but you know, CBA!
Evening all (no I'm not a copper.) Greeting from a bleeding freezing Worcestershire.
Glad you're doing OK Pam. Have they given you any update yet?
Great news on getting a date Sally, it is a shame it's so close to Christmas but at least it's before Christmas.
Any date news Jane? I so hope you're feeling better.
I have no news. I go to work and carry on all day like there's nothing up, come home and pretty much repeat the pattern. I stop in here for a bit and then carry on forgetting about it. In real terms I appear to be living in some kind of dream world - not quite like yours Emily! I am crushingly tired because I can't sleep. I'm sure that's related to this situation but it's not because I'm thinking about it all the time. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if there's something a bit wrong with me and not just the obvious! The lead up to diagnosis was the worst time ever but since then I've sort of forgotten about it largely with the exception of a couple of wobbles. If it weren't for the tiredness and the pain (oh yes, one of the lucky few) I think I would actually forget about it. I think that's a bit weird, surely I should feel more than almost nothing?
On the other hand perhaps it has affected me a little. I may start collecting appropriately shaped objects to ram down the throat of the next person who does not have cancer his/herself who tells me to remain positive. Oh wow, hadn't thought of that and you really are the first person to say it to me, bless you for your originality. Insert snort here. Xx
Day 5 after op..feeling ok,rather tired..boob still swollen and achy,mum bought me a v pillow in the sale it's brill...had a great sleep last night..feeling positive and looking forward to the surgeon check up.
Morning from a very cold and sunny Warwickshire! My office window looks over a school playing field and the hills beyond and it is glorious.
Stru, I totally agree with you, I can't talk about how I feel to people close to me and I think if I did then they might be quite shocked! But I also don't think you could truely understand unless you have been there.
I'm not sure that some of my positivity isn't denial lol! I feel kind of lost and on edge but I can still see and enjoy the good things in my life so I think thats where its coming from.
As for sleep!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! I didn't think it was possible for the mind to dream so much!!! Once I do manage to drift off I seem to live in a hospital world lol!
It's been a wobbly day all round for us by the sound of it. I've just had a long soak in the bath and will try and get a better night's sleep. Night night all of you. Let's hope tomorrow's a better day all round.
SIlver you should never feel guilty about being jealous. We all do it, it's totally natural and we all feel too young no matter what our ages. I feel perfectly entitled to wallow, but I only all myself to go so far. The only thought/feeling I've banned is, "Why me?" because that way madness lies and the honest answer is, "Why not me?"
Tomorrow is another day and I look like a bag of something unpleasantly pungent so I'm off for some beauty sleep. TBH I'd settle for some actual sleep, way past being vain here! Night all X
Yay, people feeling better! That's what we like 🙂
Emily, you always come across positively and make me feel better! It's so weird, I can't say any of the things I say here to my nearest and dearest. Whilst I know how worried they are only we can truly understand what this does to you without having to explain it.
Hugs stru, you always make me feel much better yet going through the same torment as me xxx
I'd love to live in the middle of nowhere.
Blimey, seems I've missed a general wobbler of a day. I hope you're all feeling better this evening.
Silver - don't ever blame yourself. It's totally pointless. Even if you'd deliberately stuck your head in the sand it would be pointless but you didn't do that, you did what I did, not notice something was amiss until you noticed it and that's how we find stuff. I was exceptionally lucky, I was one of the few who was alerted by pain. You're under enough to pressure without beating yourself up for something that isn't your fault. I get the jealously thing though. I'm 45 and feel that am far too young to be wondering if my life is in the balance; but then I think of all the remarkable young women on the boards here in their 20s and 30s and realise how goddam random it all is. On the day of my first clinic appointment a young woman came in whilst I was waiting to be seen following the biopsy. She was 30 tops and had very obviously been having chemo. She was there again four days later when I went it for the formal results. This time she was with a man who I took to be her father. I watched him watching her whilst she was reading and very nearly burst into tears, this man watching his beautiful young daughter cope with this £&@?ing disease.
Sally - good decision. I wanted a Mx but am not being given that choice at this stage. I wouldn't have had an immediate reconstruction either. Now this is (very obviously lol) medically flawed but I wouldn't want anything blocking the radiotherapy to get those little b's. I appreciate that that is bonkers but it's how I see it! I'm not surprised you're having a wobble - it's a big thing. I'm nervous about my WLE next week and that's nowhere near the same what you're having.
Jane - I really don't know what to say to you. You're been mucked around terribly, time for a formal complaint? I've found it difficult enough coping when everything's worked like clockwork, you must be totally frazzled. Can your GP try and pull some strings?
Emily - I don't know how but I managed to totally miss the issue of the biopsy on the other side. You must be incredibly stressed, glad you can pull the positives still tough, gorgeous days and the such like. My favourite time of day is driving to work when the daylight starts peeping through. I live in the middle of nowhere and the scenery is frankly stunning at any time but at first light it's breathtaking. There's much to be thankful for and hoping for very many years of it!
The sun was out today and it was a beautiful morning - lots of Christmas pressies arrived that now need wrapping & I ordered some new lights for the Christmas tree which will be going up on Saturday. Some lovely things to look forward to.
Hugs all round....it must be something about today, I have felt bad since the moment I woke up! I nearly had to stop the car on the way home as I thought I was going to have a panic attack......my doc left it to me if I wanted to up my meds or stay on the low dose, I decided I'm upping them tomorrow. I think I'm going to need it.
Can I try some positivity though. What a gorgeous day. Here, it was wall to wall sunshine and blue skys. I had happy ponies out in the sunshine when I got to the yard and fesh air does me the word of good. I hope you all found something good in today too xxxxxxxxxxx
So nervous, sitting here and the anxiety keeps coming in waves. I am just so afraid it has spread and so angry that I didn't find it sooner. Mind you, even now if I check my breast, because it is mobile I can't feel it. It had to get big for me to notice it. My sister is taking me tomorrow and she use to go with my Mum, she told me tonight that Mum had it in her lymph nodes and was told it would come back - so Mum knew this and never told us. A colleague at work today told me his Mum had just been diagnosed and was booked in for a mastectomy. I asked him how old she was and he replied 79 - I was so jealous that she had 20 years on me. Although, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I quite agree with what you're saying Sallyann. I had decided if I had to have a mastectomy, then I would wait to see if I wanted a reconstruction at a later date. My main aim is to remove the malignancy as soon as possible.
im having a really bad day today - still got no date, have just phoned my lovely bc nurse and sobbed down the phone, I just need a new plan - every time I think I know what's happening someone or something changes it. I've also just phoned my husband at work just to hear his calming voice! Now I feel guilty for disturbing him! I can't even take the dog out for a walk as am worried I'll miss a phone call. Thank you all for listening and understanding. I think only someone who is going through this, or has been there, can truly understand all the emotions involved.
Yes, I do remember you saying that Sallyann. I had forgotten.
I see your logic. I always thought if I had to, I would want it all done at once just to get the op done but actually I think you changed my mind. Getting IT gone and then having the reconstruction when you are in a better place mentally makes much more sense and probably speeds up recovery time if you are feeling better in yourself.
Yes, WLE & SNB on left breast for 11mm critter but further biopsy of right breast on Friday as they can't decide if it's benign or cancerous cells. Apparently 1 is benign and 5 is cancer and they are grade 3 which is neither or, so need further tests. all found by accident so I'm considering myself lucky in that respect.
Can you have sick pay? I get a couple of months on full pay but I'm being careful with It!
Sadly looking forwards to work an, Monday mornings! being at home drags worse!
I know Emily, every day feels like a week at the moment doesn't it? I just can't bear not knowing the true picture, I need to know everything and I was this out!
Are you having WLE and SNB on 15th? I seem to remember your intruder is a small one.
I'm having to take sick leave, which doesn't please me, but my work's been really good.
I'm really impressed with your timings! Mines been Ages! although it's in the run up to Christmas so I'm off with holiday until January which is good.
Yes, fear, I'm squashing it too. But it sits there ready to pop up its ugly head when I let my guard Down!
Hello all, nice idea Emily.
Pleased that everyone's doing as well as poss. Jane, I really hope they sort out your date.
I'm doing ok. My op date is through - 6th December. That's 3 weeks from first appointment at the clinic to op, I'm impressed with that but still wish it was sooner! I'm having the same as Pam so am preparing myself for "sore." I'm trying to push down the fear of spread which I guess we're all battling with, I just want it gone...
Silverlady, really glad you're feeling so much better.
Hi all back at you
Silverlady, that's ace, Glad you had a nice day out.
Jane, fingers crossed for your date tomorrow xxxxxx
Pam, glad you are feeling OK. Did you stay over Night? my surgery Date can't come quick enough! I need to know how you feel on day 10. I want to know if I'll be up to cooking Christmas dinner Lol!
Sallyann, stay brave xxxx what made you decide not to go with reconstruction if you don't mind me asking?
Hi Emily, after yours and the others wonderful words of encouragement, I got off my backside (I just didn't want to do anything) and went out for the weekend and pushed down all my fears for a day. I think that at the moment I am still hoping they have misdiagnosed me and that when I go on Tuesday, they will say "I'm very sorry Mrs Hill but it is benign and you have nothing to worry about". Wouldn't that be wonderful. But, on the otherhand I have been organising everything in my head for when I have to go into hospital & chemo and having my waist length dark hair cut off. I really can't thank you and everyone enough for helping me through these few days.
Thought about putting this somewhere else on the forum but couldn't decide where.
Just wondered how everyone is that I've been chatting to and any new people?
I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2 weeks this Thursday is op date for me and this Friday I have a biopsy on my right side for a final decision on that!
Work are great, I'll finish for my op and wont go back until the new year. I just need to think about getting some Christmas shopping done before!!!
Anxiety is a bit better and hoping tablets doc has given me will kick in soon. Feel a bit in limbo, I forget sometimes and then when I remember it floors me! I feel constantly on edge and fidgety which is very draining yet when I get into bed I'm wide awake!
Hope you guys are all fairing OK. xxxxx