In denial - mother in law - how to support her

My mother-in-law is 80 this year and has been diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. She refuses to read anything she has been given and has handed everything to me. She is booked for CT and bone scans in the next week and then they will start with chemo, not tablet version. Can anyone tell me how this is administered? Does she have to stay in or will it be an outpatient visit and what exactly should she expect to happen at the first visit. I am trying to support her and not overwhelm her with too much info and also support her husband [82] whilst trying to keep myself together and the rest of the family. Any info or help gratefully received,

Hello Longj007,
So sorry to read of your M-in-L’s diagnosis. It is hard to take in at any age but I guess the more so for someone of mature years, however acitve and lively they were beforehand. I’m afraid I don’t know anything about inflammatory breast cancer, but someone will undoubtedly be along soon who does. In the meantime, there are some good leaflets you can download from the main BCC website or you could phone the helpline tomorrow (number at top of screen) and they will help you.

I assume you know the purpose of the CT and bone scans - which is to check for any evidence of spread - so that they can finalise the best chemo regimes and other treatment. Chemo is usually by infusion (either a drip) or injected directly into a vein via a cannula, and is done as an outpatient appointment. Your M-in-L’s oncologist or breast nurse should be able to explain all this and give you relevant fact sheets.

It all seems overwhelming at the start, but once you know what the treatment plan is and get into a routine it does get easier - or at least less daunting.

I am sure your M-in-L is really grateful for your support - just make sure you have somewhere to get support for yourself too.

Any other questions do come back, there are no questions too silly to ask on here.

Hi Longj007

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for support for both yourself and your mother in law.

As Revcat has suggested above, do give the helpline here a ring and have a chat, they’re here to support you and will point you in the right direction for you to be in a position to help your mother in law through this. Below I have put the links to a couple of our publications you might also find helpful.

BC & you:

www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/breast-cancer-you-diagnosis-treatment-future-bcc44

In it together:
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/it-together-partners-people-breast-cancer-bcc120

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply, we are in a very scarey place right now

Hi,

Everyone here has been through similar feelings and understands what you and m-i-L are going through.

You can get all the information you need here on the information pages, but also feel free to ask any questions on this forum (and of course you can call the helpline). In my experience there is always someone who can help.

As far as M-i-L goes I think you have to let her lead you in letting you know how much detail she wants to know, but if she is prepared to give you permission to discuss everything with her doctors that might help you? Could you go with her to the appointments so that you can find out what will happen next?

I agree remember you, your OH and the rest of the family will need help too, and you can find it here.

Lynda

Hi… fortunate is the mother, or mother-in-law, who has a caring and internet-savvy younger person to support her after a devastating diagnosis.

May I just add that breast cancer in elderly women is often slow-growing, and (especially if there are other health issues) the disease can be well controlled without the need for surgery. The mother of someone I know was treated by the oestrogen-blocking drug Arimidex, and her tumour shrank until it wasn’t detectable on scans! A breast biopsy is needed though - this would also show whether Herceptin would help.

The above would be possible even if the cancer has already spread… but I hope that isn’t so, and that you will see a way forward for her to accept her condition and to respond well to treatment with as good quality of life as possible.

See also this thread,
share.breastcancercare.org.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=34899&p=611854#p611854