Hi, it’s my first time posing here. Mum has just been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Due to the family history, it has been advised she has a double mastectomy, pending results to see if it has spread to her lymph nodes.
My father recently died suddenly, so this is a huge and painful Shock.
Mum doesn’t have any other close family, so I will be taking time off to help her recover (I live about 3 hours away).
I would love to hear from women who’ve had the same operation on what support they found best and perhaps what I should prepare myself for. I just want to offer mum the best support I can.
Reading through some of these posts, it comforts me to know that others get that sense of guilt for feeling sad. I’ve not cried in front of mum and have been very positive, but in all honesty I’m hugely stressed, and terrified of losing another parent before I hit 30. Mum is barely 50.
If anyone has any books they’d suggest reading on the topic of caring for a parent after such an operation, that would be great.
Thanks everyone for posting with such honesty and thoughtfulness. X
Welcome to the BCC discussion forums where I am sure you will find lots of support and information for both yourself and your mum.
To help you along I have put for you below links to some of BCC’s publications you might find helpful. Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away where you can talk in confidence to our trained and experienced staff 0808 800 6000. Lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2.
Hello Lenaberry, so sorry to hear your traumatic times of late having recently lost your Dad and now facing this diagnosis with your Mum. I hope you have excellent support for yourself, and take support from the community here too.
Two books i found very useful were …
Emotional support through breast cancer, an alternative handbook. By Cordelia Galgut. This lady is a psychologist and has had a breast cancer diagnosis.
The other book is…What can i do to help? 75 practical ideas for family and friends by Deborah Hutton. I bought this when i felt lost as a good friends husband was diagnosed with cancer and rapidly became very unwell. Despite having had my own cancer diagnosis i didnt want to fall into cliches and thoughtless comments.
On a practical note i was sent a small hand made heart shaped cushion, by one of my friends to use in the car after surgery. It is only slightly bigger than my hand span, and not firmly padded, but was an added comfort between me and the seat belt.
In the 2 week post op period having my daughter help me wash my hair was a humbling and yet very intimate moment in time. I was grateful to her, but worried for her (and my son) as they are 19 and 23 respectfully and i know we are all trying to protect each other.
We have had flare ups, usually due to small matters, but we have managed to cuddle and make up too. My peeps are still at home with.me, so we have had to learn a new accomodation and consideration, with me accepting 3 adults now live here.
I wish for you and your mum the most uneventful recovery, and gentle times post op.
Thinking of you, and I know others will post here soon too. X
Lexilou x
Hello lenaberry, I can completely understand how you must be feeling. I hope you and your mum are ok. My mum has just been diagnosed with breast cancer (Her2 + grade 3) and is having a lumpectomy tomorrow when we will find out if it is in the nodes. I also haven’t cried in front of my mum apart from very briefly when she told me. It’s so difficult to know what to say especially as I’m finding that no one seems to be saying the right thing to me…maybe there isn’t anything to say. She is really struggling with the loss of control she now has as she is such a healthy, independent and active lady of 53. I don’t know how I can help her get through this. Obviously we don’t know what the future will hold and this is again another massive worry. We have a lovely family but I think we are all trying to protect each other and pretend there is nothing to worry about. I am worried my dad is carrying all of the strain alone. To top things off I found out a week after the cancer diagnosis that I am expecting my first baby. Although I know she will be over the moon I am so worried about telling her because I think she will be upset that she will still be receiving treatment around the due date and, although I’m sure she will still be able to take an active part in the pregnancy and early years, I’m concerned that she will think otherwise and I don’t want to add to her sadness. In my darkest moments I also have an overwhelming feeling of panick that I cannot continue without my mum especially with a new baby. I so want her to be around to share in the joy I hope this baby will bring.If anyone has any advice I would gratefully receive it. I am feeling very alone at the moment.
Hi I’m too 30 myMum starts Radiotherapy in over a week and had a lumpectomy nearly 4 weeks ago. I’m disabled and my Dad has been useless and no help what so ever around the house. Mum is my main carer so gave carers in the morning but then it’s down to me. I’m finding it increasingly hard and stressful to cope with and have crying fits at night as don’t want Mum to see me upset and crying. I got Mum a radiotherapy book of eBay and the hospital have loads of booklets and pamphlets to us to read. x good luck to you and your Mum x
Hi! It’s been 6 weeks since mum’s double mastectomy, she’s doing well, it’s quite slow going though. She’s been very strong and we found out does not need chemo or radiotherapy, which is amazing! Thank you for all your kind messages of support.
It’s definitely been hard work, emotionally, but work have been very understanding and my friends amazing.x