Hello all you wonderful people who are currently going through this or have been through this. I am 39 year old mum of 2 who was diagnosed this week with a 12mm grade 3 IDC with at least 1 lymph node involved (it looked abnormal on ultrasound and biopsied). I haven’t had my receptors back yet and I am feeling terrified of what is to come. I have no family history of cancer, I have non of the risk factors and yet here I am, this is not the lottery I wanted to win. It’s the waiting around and not knowing, thinking the worst, thinking it must have spread surely from the lymph node to my liver. Now worried about every stiffness in my back (even though I know it’s because I sit at a desk on a bad chair!). Consultant was talking about ‘curative treatment’ as its small with chemo, surgery, all lymph nodes removed and radiotherapy, but surely they can’t say that without know in the staging or imaging, I just seem to be setting myself up for the worst. I feel ok during the day as work keeps me busy but at night I can’t sleep and not eating, just spiralling about what could go wrong.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 
I’m 38 and was diagnosed very recently too, so I completely understand the spiralling and convincing yourself that every little ache means it’s spread. I did exactly the same before my staging CT.
My cancer is actually larger than yours and grade 3, and my CT thankfully came back clear. I’m also still waiting for my HER2 result and will be having chemo first, so I really do understand how awful all this waiting and uncertainty is.
Please try to hold onto the fact that lymph node involvement absolutely doesn’t automatically mean it has spread elsewhere. It can still be very much treatable with curative intent, which is why your consultant is already talking to you about treatment aimed at curing you.
The waiting has honestly been the hardest part for me so far because your mind fills in all the blanks with the worst possible outcome. Take it one result at a time and try to hold onto what you actually know right now rather than all the “what ifs” — although I know that’s so much easier said than done!
Sending you a massive hug. You’re not alone xxx
Thanks @findingmyway38 , it means so much that you messaged as you are the same boat as me. I am so pleased your CT came back clear, that must have been such a weight off your shoulders. I haven’t been waiting that long but like you said it’s agony when you don’t know. I think I just need to take a breath and remember that the consultant was talking positively (I think, it all seems a blur!). Maybe I should stay off late night google!!
I completely understand I have 3 young children too, which makes all the “what ifs” so much harder. I was honestly in exactly the same boat as you only a week ago, terrified about what my CT might show and convincing myself of the worst.
Getting the clear CT was such a relief. Definitely hold onto the fact your consultant is talking about curative treatment — that’s really positive. And yes, stay away from late-night Google… I need to take my own advice on that one too 
Sending you a big hug xx
Huge hugs back!! Hope the everything goes ok for you, please reach out if you need someone to chat to
@rachieb Thank you 
Please keep me updated on how you’re getting on. Always here to chat also 
Hi @rachieb & @findingmyway38
Just wanted to send hugs and to say I also have IDC grade 3 and lymph node involvement and know exactly how you feel. All of the waiting and uncertainty is so tough and crippling at times.
Im also am a similar age and have a little one.
It’s very isolating all of this so just wanted to say I’m here.
X
Hi @321_cake thanks for reaching out about your own experience, sending huge hugs to you and your little one. You’re right I feel so isolated, I haven’t told friends and family because I don’t think I can without crying. I don’t think I can tell the kids yet, not until I know more about my receptors and CT scan, mostly because I’m still so scared it will show something worse. Where are you up to on this horrible journey?
Bless you, Just do things at your own pace. One step at a time. Things are so overwhelming with all of this so just try one thing at a time.
I’ve had surgery and seen the oncologist.. still trying to process it but have been finding it really hard. About to start chemotherapy. Waiting for some results too.
Just be kind to yourself bless you, We’re here to talk to and the nurses on here are great. One thing at a time.