Just over a week till my surgery!

Hi Motherducky

For me, the key was reminding myself where I had control and when I chose to hand control to others and have faith.

Immediately before surgery, when gowned up and waiting, I stood a lot and breathed, to keep my heart rate/cortisol low and counteract any overwhelm. I kept telling myself that I was safe in that moment, that I had chosen to be there and that the minute I woke up I would be back in control.

When I came round in recovery, the first thing I did was start rotating my ankles and moving my lower legs. I had told myself that I would do this, to help prevent clots, as a way of feeling in control when I woke. It really worked.

Grounding yourself in the days before and reminding yourself of where/when you will have control is very important. Everything goes so fast once this starts and that can make you feel like nothing about your life is in your control anymore. That is one of the most destabilising feelings there is, so that’s why finding areas where you have choice and control is so important. The flip side of that is acceptance of what you cannot control - no-one wants to accept something awful but resisting/denying it creates further emotional conflict inside us. Hence I reframed it that I chose to be there having surgery because to not be there would’ve meant dying. I couldn’t change the fact that I have breast cancer but I could influence or control what happened next.

Have questions ready for your surgeon and anaesthetist - you should meet both on the day of surgery and they should be reassuring and calming.

My anaesthetist was a godsend - informative, just the right amount of funny; he really put me at ease and was then the last person I spoke to as I went under.

As well as grounding/ breathing exercises in the days before, to combat fear and anxiety, keep busy. Do things you enjoy, have things to look forward to this week, not just practical things that need dealing with. Be in each moment as much as you can, rather than in that future that scares you so much.

BUT… If you feel scared and upset, let yourself feel. Whether by yourself or with someone, let it out when you can.

What to take will depend on how long you’re in for. I was in at 7am, surgery around 9:30 and discharged at 4. I didn’t need half of what I took.

Phone and charger, a book, PJs and slippers maybe?

In my experience, you don’t get much sleep or rest afterwards because of the obs every 30 minutes!

Practice grounding and mindfulness and you’ll get through it with more calm and resilience than you credit yourself with, and be home so fast you’ll wonder where the day went.

Be kind to yourself every day, have firm boundaries and never stop giving yourself credit for being strong and awesome.

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