Just over a week to my mastectomy with diep flap reconstruction. I feel strangely calm about it. ( I’m not sure that will last!)
Any top tips on how I keep this calm before and during the next week.
Any tips for getting ready for hospital and any must haves in my hospital bag?
Thank you all xx
Hi Motherducky
For me, the key was reminding myself where I had control and when I chose to hand control to others and have faith.
Immediately before surgery, when gowned up and waiting, I stood a lot and breathed, to keep my heart rate/cortisol low and counteract any overwhelm. I kept telling myself that I was safe in that moment, that I had chosen to be there and that the minute I woke up I would be back in control.
When I came round in recovery, the first thing I did was start rotating my ankles and moving my lower legs. I had told myself that I would do this, to help prevent clots, as a way of feeling in control when I woke. It really worked.
Grounding yourself in the days before and reminding yourself of where/when you will have control is very important. Everything goes so fast once this starts and that can make you feel like nothing about your life is in your control anymore. That is one of the most destabilising feelings there is, so that’s why finding areas where you have choice and control is so important. The flip side of that is acceptance of what you cannot control - no-one wants to accept something awful but resisting/denying it creates further emotional conflict inside us. Hence I reframed it that I chose to be there having surgery because to not be there would’ve meant dying. I couldn’t change the fact that I have breast cancer but I could influence or control what happened next.
Have questions ready for your surgeon and anaesthetist - you should meet both on the day of surgery and they should be reassuring and calming.
My anaesthetist was a godsend - informative, just the right amount of funny; he really put me at ease and was then the last person I spoke to as I went under.
As well as grounding/ breathing exercises in the days before, to combat fear and anxiety, keep busy. Do things you enjoy, have things to look forward to this week, not just practical things that need dealing with. Be in each moment as much as you can, rather than in that future that scares you so much.
BUT… If you feel scared and upset, let yourself feel. Whether by yourself or with someone, let it out when you can.
What to take will depend on how long you’re in for. I was in at 7am, surgery around 9:30 and discharged at 4. I didn’t need half of what I took.
Phone and charger, a book, PJs and slippers maybe?
In my experience, you don’t get much sleep or rest afterwards because of the obs every 30 minutes!
Practice grounding and mindfulness and you’ll get through it with more calm and resilience than you credit yourself with, and be home so fast you’ll wonder where the day went.
Be kind to yourself every day, have firm boundaries and never stop giving yourself credit for being strong and awesome.
Hi @motherducky
I think by the time you get to this point after tests results etc , it’s a relief to finally have surgery treatment , I felt calm day of surgery was very busy seeing anaesthetise / consultant / physio
Had to go get blue dye to show lymph nodes up. I took in button through night shirts and pj tops / leggings
Magazines though didn’t have time to read them , the usual soap bag phone charger
I was told to use charging pack was easy as plugs are behind you .
Must admit when I woke was more comfortable than I thought I would be had boots on that inflated to stop blood clots drains were ok they gave me a bag to carry them around , you will find staff great and everyone helpful .
Stay calm and wishing you good luck x
Hi motherducky,
All the advice on the forum is great, and really helped me. The only thing I wanted to add is a small, unexpected point.
I have kept my diagnosis very private. I’ve had 8 weeks of tests, plans, worry etc, only sharing it with my hubby (and anonymous online forums). So by the time I reached my first surgery - today, my main feeling was overwhelming relief things were finally moving forward.
While waiting to be admitted to day surgery there were 4 women in the waiting room (each with a partner/friend). We didn’t talk to each other, we looked equally terrified and all tried to avoid eye contact. This continued as the four of us lay in our beds waiting to go to theatre.
When I went down to theatre I was given a chair beside one of the ladies from the room. She was silently crying as she waited to be taken in. At that point I finally spoke to her. I told her it was my first ever surgery so I was scared as I didn’t know what to expect. At that point she stopped crying, told me it was her 6th surgery (for multiple conditions over the years) and she talked me through the process from sitting in that chair to falling asleep and feelings upon waking up, sharing her hints and tips right up to the point where were both led in. I was fortunate enough to meet her again in the ward pre discharge and we talked about how much that chat meant to both us.
So my main take away from today’s surgery experience is that I can read all the leaflets, join all the forums, speak to all my friends and family. All of these things are great, but having that opportunity to share part of this experience with someone who knew exactly how I was feeling at that moment in time was priceless. When I go in for my next surgery, I plan to scan the waiting room seeking out anyone who looks like they may be willing, able to chat briefly. Who knows where it may lead.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad you had that opportunity. I am going to try and be brave and like you scan the room and see if anyone else is feeling scared and we can take our minds off of it together.
I wish you a speedy recovery and much strength for your next stage on the journey xxx
Thanks so much Kitty. This has given me some great things to focus on and think about. I don’t ever feel alone when I come to the forums. It’s nice speaking to people who know how I’m feeling and know how to help me x