So i go back on Tuesday, this time for a unilateral mastectomy and immediate diep flap reconstruction. Am feeling daunted by so many what ifs. What if I have a bad reaction to the anaesthetic and don’t wake up? What if the reconstruction fails? What if I can’t cope with feeling and being so vulnerable afterwards? What if I get a dvt or any of the other potential complications? What if I find it really difficult loosing a natural breast? What if I hate the way the new breast looks? What if I don’t have clear margins again? What if my partner finds it too hard? What if i just can’t fall asleep on my back? In some ways I just want to get in there and get it over and done with, in other ways I just don’t want it to happen. I hate feeling that I have no control over this. Just wanted to rant. Love and strength to my fellow travellers on this journey no one wants to be on.
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