1 year on..anniversary

[Hannahjc]

I find myself fixated with the date i was diagnosed with BC it’s this Friday.

I feel sad and down, reliving all of my fears and worries i have had this past mental year.

I was 8 month’s pregnan and was still at work
(who still do not know).
I was induced.
Felt robbed of chance to breastfeed.
Had 2 ops, radiotherapy. And started tamoxifen (which has been awful).

Ive gone back to work, I have yet to increase tamoxifen dose and ovarian suppression.

Any one else find themselves fixated on a anniversary, the events over the past year and what might have been?

Kind regards

Hannah

[shade]

I am so sorry you have had this experience. This time of year is also my first anniversary and yes I have felt the same sense of loss.You have gone through such a difficult time and I pray the future years bring you healing both physically and emotionally.

[diddy1]

What a devastating year for you @Hannahjc… although our circumstances are different, I feel exactly the same. My anniversary is next week. I turned 50 last year, had so many plans… my children were doing their GCSE’s and A Levels… it was a sh*t show! I somehow managed to stay calm and positive throughout, but a year on and I feel like I’m going mad! My first mammogram is this Friday (on my real boob only) and I’ve imagined the worst case scenario over and over in my head - especially knowing the people, places and voices etc. I feel so annoyed with myself that I’ve got through this year with everyone thinking I’m really positive and a ‘warrior’ and now I’m really not feeling so great. At night when I go to bed I’m reliving it all - it’s awful! You’re not alone…. I just hope that once this hurdle is over I’ll be back on track and move on. Fingers crossed - and for you too. Sending hugs your way Cancer is s**t isn’t it! xx

[Smiley]

I haven’t gone through your personal case and I can image the rollercoaster of emotions and uncertainties, especially when you were pregnant and awaiting your precious child.

I think lots of us keep going with the flow (even a wild river) and remain ‘calm’ but there are moments we might slip and that’s okay. We don’t have to always be strong and superwomen, we are humans. I have had it that in my 3 annual checks I seemed to have been okay, but the closer the day came I noticed me getting anxious and insecure. Something I have learned is that worrying won’t change any outcomes and that the only thing I can do is live the present moment and be thankful for the little things.

Here I send you a big, warm hug !

[Shi]

I think a lot of us will never forget the day we got diagnosed, you will learn to manage it your own way for me I thought right you robbed me of 9 months (going through treatments) your not having more and have lived everyday to the max since, not putting things off. The check ups and mammos we all have are when I think most of us and the locked door that we’ve slammed it behind and locked peeps open a bit. Be kind to yourself and do use the someone like me option or speak to a nurse here at bcn it could help, one word someone might say could click with you as you navigate forward now Shi xx

[ca55]

You are certainly not alone with how you are feeling. Not quite the same as you as I am 55 and my children are grown up but like you it is coming up to my 1 year since diagnosis anniversary and feel that whilst I have tried to be positive and live life mostly in the happy lane since completing my treatment my anxiety and fear of cancer returning is very much still there every day. My support network are fantastic but most days I certainly don’t feel like the brave warrior they keep telling me I am. Hopefully for us all it will get easier as time passes

[lou_72]

I too am feeling like this. I go to bed every night and relive the diagnosis and the appointments that followed. From reading the comments it seems its very normal to feel like this.