1st FEC chemo 28th April & a little scared

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hi westside sue,
how creative you are,. im still shopping for some good bras that are both attrictive and can house these gigantic boobs. i havnt heard of taxotere )what does it do.)
i only know ive got 6 FEC then oncologist will decide if to give me more or rads etc. what was the website for the amazing top (it wont get husband too excited will it)
not some sexy red and black number.that might be worse than the treatment (only joking)
hair is coming out quickly now, got wig ready. its quite nice really, redish, with highlights. husband wanted a blonde, but as i said (dont want him excited)
anyway off to do more visiting and shopping. enjoy your day EVERYDAY!
A little joke, reminds me of something my husband would say!

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.”

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress” she replied.

“Needs ironing.” he said.

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lol Everyday!

My face needs ironing these days - the chemo is really messing it up! I have papery skin like an old lady! Will whisper website to you, coz we aren’t allowed to publicise them! Its not sexy, but then again, how much stuff our size is?!

Sue xx

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My eyes felt dry and sandy until reading the MIL joke, Everyday. Sooo silly. Laughter tears all over the place - and I don’t, as a general rule, like “jokes”. Now I don’t know if I’m still giggling about the husband response (oh dear - I wish mine were so witty) or the pleasure of having damp eyes again. Thanks anyway. (Do you have something shorter we could call you? edm?)

I’m in the big boob brigade - and had decided, if I needed mastectomy, that I would go down a few sizes in the relict as well. I don’t particularly care about body parts, but it might be fun, after years of having my appendages precede me into a room, to get there almost at the same time. So far I’ve only scored a lumpectomy which seems to have made minor difference in tit profile when dressed, so the issue hasn’t come up. Have other udderly gorgeous women considered downsizing altogether rather than reconstructing to prior dimensions?

And as for papery skin - mine was peeling off this time last round of chemo because I was in hosp and sort of horizontal, but now I’m just POURING the Clinique on 4 or 5 times a day - face and hands. Like the majority of women in the UK who respond to such questionnaires (I read a Cosmo or something during last chemo), I feel quite good about the brand & have been using it for decades (where’s the iron?); so now I’m treating myself to extravagant usage and it feels good. And I simply have to share with someone my glee that the mole-coloured fur on my upper lip which I treated with Jolene for years before turning to weekly warm-waxing has simply vanished after 1st chemo (along with most of the hair north of that). Yep! It’s gone. Now there’s a ‘fringe’ benefit.

on edit: Oh yes, just to amplify the joy of being ‘facial-hair-free’, let me share with you a memory that will explain how pleasant it is to now be without. Back when I was about 23 and travelling solo around Europe etc. I ordered a mint tea at the bar inside ferry-departure at Tangiers. The Moroccan chap serving asked me if I was Australian (which I am, as it happens, though my parents are Brits). “Oh yes,” sez I. “How did you guess?” All chuffed with the attention. He traced a delicate finger along his upper lip. “You have a moustache,” sez he.

M-L xx

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Lol M-L - I do hope you didn’t tip the Moroccan chap! Or at least you gave him a tip whilst grasping his manhood firmly! I admit to a moustache myself of late, hormonal probably, but it has flown into the grasp of the tweezers with narey a nip! Phew. And I don’t have a shave my legs at the moment. However, my hair is growing!!! I have a ghastly stubble - which at least keeps the scarves on!

How’s your OH behaving?

Sue xx

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Funny you should ask about the husband, Sue - or not so funny, as it happens. The poor guy has a tough act to follow after four weeks of adoring indulgence from my father and son. I’ve been spoilt rotten. So he has to step into the old dad’s shoes & it’s not going very well. My son resents his attitude and short-fuse response to my gripes: I hate eating in front of the television, though we’ve been doing it for years, & I hate having to be dragging myself around the kitchen making dinner at the very late hour that we’ve eaten in the past - I’m garbage by about 7 in the evening & just want to veg out in front of box (AFTER eating) or read a book or whatever. I hate having someone always asking what he can do to help, when he has no real intention of doing what I need - i.e. changing time-hallowed routines - and when he does something (like putting the new potatoes into the Kenwood peeler & then rinsing them; or stacking the dishwasher) it’s a minor disaster that I have to do again. Yes, yes, I’m a control freak - but I’m happy to have something taken off my hands altogether.

There seems to be a wall up. I have to do something about it very quickly before things get set in this unfortunate state. But it was so easy with the dad - and this whole disease has brought my son and me so close that I can absolutely explode with rage at him (last night - and I’m guiltily aware that it was rage redirected from its real target, because OH & I don’t fight, just get sullen and hateful); he’ll go for a brisk walk down to the river for a while and then come back and HE will apologise, so that I can cry a bit in contrition & say I’m hugely sorry & get a big cuddle. The OH eats his dinner in glum silence (in front of a ghastly movie), refuses a glass of wine pointedly and hurries off to bed, leaving movie on. Son & I look at each other & both reach for the remote at the same time. As I am sleeping on the very comfy, double-bed sized divan in the telly room at the moment (I should probably go back to marital bed but my sleeping patterns are not sociable), and would rather we ate in the dining room at 7 rather than 9, it’s all rather inconvenient.

I have this frightening feeling that our marriage is failing a rather important exam - and maybe it’s been in this place for years, without my paying much attention. We don’t communicate. We’re not physically demonstrative. He’s a fairly easy-going housemate, but only when I am. And I’m not at the moment. I’m fairly foul. Eeek.

Ah well, got that off my chest. Now I have to think of a way to share it with my spouse of 22 satisfactory years.

Best, M-L

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M-L Sorry to hear your relationships are suffering at the moment. I guess it’s to be expected, this treatment does knock you out of kilter doesn’t it.

I found myself looking in the mirror the other day at this tired miserable thing and thought “who the hell are you”. Instantly felt better because it made me smile, odd I know but I could see that stubborn old me is still in there somewhere.

Here’s an experiment that I’m going to try next time I get aggressive with OH for no reason.

write down good feelings towards him on one piece of paper, write down bad feelings on the other.

Quickly burn the bad ones and give him piece of paper with the good ones.

Just a thought. But please don’t beat yourself up and I would try not to read things into it too much as I was in a bad place a few weeks back and didn’t realise until a week later that it was hormones and pain talking not me.

Lots of love

Angie

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Aw M-L, you wrote that so beautifully, why don’t you just show him it? You are absolutely right though, walls in a marriage are a real problem and should be knocked down asap. You could always join your OH for a cuddle in the marital bed, and if you can’t sleep/wake up, then retire to the other room. I find cuddles break down a lot of walls. By sharing a bed with him you are showing you want to be with him though - he may be feeling rejected/helpless. You must explain that the routine has changed because you’re not well, and this is what happens in the house now - particularly since he is a part time resident (because he works away a lot), he’ll just have to adjust to the new routine. Explain it’s just temporary, whilst you are going through this. Explain you find it helps you cope.

Bite the bullet girl and deal with the situation that’s arising. Don’t beat yourself up - he’ll be away again soon. Thinking of you. Love Sue xx

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Hi Ladies

Just took 5 mins to catch up on how you are all doing,
I have been on planet zong since last chemo, bit of a rough time sickness, but starting tonight to feel human again, I hope.
Good to see you are all about and loved the joke everyday, think I could do with a good ironing.
M-L keep smiling, and I’ll send you a big ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sue, hope your fine enjoy the sewing, let me know if you want any more to do can always arrange for some to be sent down to you.

Will post a proper message in a few days,
Keep up the posting it does makes us all feel good on a bad day, to see that we will laugh and be a bit normal again.

best wishes to everyone

Nikki
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Nikki - was wondering about you!

Sorry to hear you’ve been struggling since last chemo, glad to see you’re recovering. I was only THINKING about sewing, not actually committing to finding my sewing box! A big teeshirt on top does same job! I am also THINKING of doing the ironing (clothes not skin), but have not committed to getting ironing board out yet, partly coz it’s 2am and thinking is about all I’m fit for now!

Keep smiling chook!

Sue xx

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Oh dear, just re-read my post of yesterday morning - what a carping old cow I am. Thanks for responding so positively Angie and Sue - though you probably should have told me to give myself a quick kick in the pants. It’s the low middle days - tired and intolerant.

I did say some of this stuff to him yesterday, and we did have a cuddle and a bit of shared reassurance. I also came across a book on Chinese horoscopes (bought when pregnant with my son - you know how it is) and I read his ‘year’ which served the same sort of purpose as writing down a list of things that are good about him. Not that one believes in this stuff, but a list of sterling qualities for his animal reminded me of how many of those apply to him - solid, generous, practical, very honest, honourable. Just not one of yer sensitive types. I didn’t book for sensitive; I booked for a solid type who gives me space, and it is totally unreasonable to expect sensitivity for the duration of this situation - because I certainly won’t want it again when it’s over.

Anyway, he was more than willing to oblige with changed dinner arrangements once he realised how much it means to me. Food, cooking & eating together is very central to my worldview. Simply solved: he just delegates cooking from me to son & tells us to plate & wrap his food so he can microwave it when he is ready for it. Not quite what I had in mind, but it made me laugh.

Thanks again to this site for letting me say things I am better thinking over before blurting out to those who have to live with me. And thanks for the really sound advice.

Nikki - so sorry to hear about planet Zong - though I DO like the word image. I think I must be sheltering under a blasted fungus only a few contaminated wormtracks from you. And isn’t it appropriate that on Zong you get to have the permanent shocking hangover with never the fun of a drink beforehand? Has anyone considered that Desperate Housewives solution to misery and nausea? My onc sniggered when I brought it up and said he couldn’t advise me on the subject. Not that wotsername did it with intention, of course - it were her mum wot done it - but I caught myself wondering this morning. Would it help? Why isn’t it on prescription if it would? Mind Sue, I’m only THINKING about it.

Love to all, keep the jokes coming.
M-L x

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Hey M-L = we are all entitled to carp a little now and again…if it became a daily habit we’d knock it out of you! Glad you are looking on the brighter side today though.

Jokes? Have you met my OH?

Love Sue xx

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Hey M-L

Friends pleaded with me to seriously consider that alternative therapy that was used on desperate housewives. Said they had another close friend who’s used it during chemo for BC. Pointed out that while the anti emetics work they don’t make you laught while as *special* brownies do. Of course it being a herb is hard to get the right dose of and can knock you out if you eat too much.

Something to ponder. 10% of the adult population have used or are using the drug recreationally so I ask this.

Is it hardly ever mentioned here because no ones using it or because it’s illegal?

My friends aren’t idiots do I did do some googling and Melissa Etheridge used it during her chemo. In fact I was suprised to read that cannabanoids in a drug are being trialled as an adjuvant chemo in the US.

I found a lot of very interesting things that I can’t share here because of the rules and the law.

Shame eh.

Angie

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lol Angie - perhaps we can petition to get it on prescription?!

Sue xx

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Hello ladies

This is a busy forum, had to go looking for this thread, glad to say back totally in the land of the living and my return trip from Zong was most enjoyable, in flight entertainment and food left a lot to be desired, but cabin crew helpful.

How are we all doing?

Or have you all been over indulging on the “Brownies”, well the sun is shining in Scotland, so plan to spend the next few days sitting about doing nothing waitng for my white cells to bounce back as good as last time. Read plenty of threads before I started chemo and noticed how everyone said how quickly the treatment goes and you always have doubts but can’t believe that next one will be half way goal, and will meet with onc to see if Timmy Tumour has shrunk enough to get his eviction notice and they will operate, and have remaining chemo’s after. (Thought I might get away with 3) nurse kindly informed me that all 6 had my name on them…bl**t.

Has anyone had the numbness and tingling pins and needles feeling in arms and legs? I had it back this time, but passed after a week, just wondering if normal.

Hope all you ladies who are due next week are enjoying your good week.

Take care

Nikki
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Hi all,
Bounced back from Zong myself, today, after the predicted foul middle week. While it’s going on it is hard to remember what it’s like to feel even remotely normal, because absolutely everything seems to be malfunctioning. And then, overnight, some kind of normalcy is back & I spent a couple of hours wandering around the food markets, making sausages & pate, a little breathless and slow, but OK - yesterday I could hardly get dressed.

Exactly one week to go until my 3rd as well, Nikki - halfway! Amazing!

Enjoy the good times, ladies
M-L x

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omg - my post on this thread disappeared - soz

Lovely to see you both with us again M-L & Nikki. Glad you have recovered from this session’s ordeals. I went to see the oncologist yesterday with a lot of questions, apparently she realised I wasn’t up to being told lots of stuff and was waiting for me to ask questions! The good news is I am now asking all the right questions! I’m just left wondering if I have missed a question or two that’s important out by accident!!!

Och well, next Thursday is my next one. Going away with best friend for the night this weekend, doing a Thelma & Louise, as it’s her birthday next weekend, but I’ll be out of my brain on steroids again then. Should be fun!

Sue xxx

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Hi Ladies

How is everyone doing, must all be reaching the time for the dreaded next session, but we all must also be reaching the half way to the finish line stage…hurray

Feels like a bit of a milestone like the 18th or 21st birthday, quite sad really to be getting excited about being half way through chemo, can’t wait for the final one.

Hope your all fairing fine and we can all catch up soon

Nikki
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URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH chemo brain I’m in such a hurray to finish this b*****y chemo I should be shouting Hurrah…

Nikki
-x-

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Today I reach the halfway stage, and I must confess to being worried about the next stage…Tax…which has made me a bit grumpy with the family this morning…they are running scared!

I also get the stitches out on the Hickman line this morning and am dreading that. OH rushing home, after taking spinning wheels back to group after an off-site session, to hold my hand whilst it happens. Then I want him to go away whilst I have the chemo in peace! It has been good having him around - last night I got a phone call at the pub from daughter, just after a drink had been poured for me, and I just called him and asked him to collect our daughter! Then, when I finally got home, he made my tea!

Anyway - am waiting for the chemo nurse now. Why am I wound up about this? Done it 3 times before? Am sure it’s the Tax that’s winding me up, not the last FEC as I have been fortunate in suffering no ill effects; apart from baldness, rapidly disappearing eyebrows, white lines on fingernails, black marks on toenails, cr*p skin. I suppose it shows the drugs are doing something!!!

Best of luck to all with their half way mark, hope nobody else stressed like me!!!

Sue xx

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Hi Sue - I had my 3rd & final Tax last Thursday (half way for me!) - & it’s been fine once I got used to the idea that I could simply enjoy being the lazy tart I’ve always known I am. Usual symptoms with infection-hospitalisation, fatigue, aches, foul mouth, sore nails etc. - but dealing with those things is all mental. I don’t let them get me down. My sis is here for the usually achey days 4-6 & she’s so distracted me I haven’t noticed a thing. Or is that the sly tippling that has been going on in her company? Hope it goes as well for you.
Cheers, M-L xx