26 years later!

Hello, I can’t get away from the total black thoughts today.

I had bc 26 years ago, mastectomy and tamoxifen……foolishly thought that was my bit done! I was diagnosed last week with bc and told again mastectomy and hormone treatment, but because of previous history had to have  ct scan also, had it earlier this week and now having the most horrendous dark thoughts that my whole body is riddled with ‘it’. I know there’s no magic wand to take away the fear, but I just needed to try and get it out somehow and I know a lot of ladies out there have had similar experiences……I just feel so alone ( even though husband and grown up children offer support ).

Sorry for sounding so totally negative.

Best wishes to all x

@Mrsmillie  - please don’t apologise for sounding negative, this is exactly the right place to come when you want to offload. I wish I could say something to make it all better, but I’ve learned over the past few years that sometimes just listening is the best thing we can do. So if it helps, please continue to chat and I’m here to listen. Say whatever you want, let it all out.

I know what you mean about family trying to help, but not really quite getting it. I’m currently worrying about a hip problem - in my rational times I think it’s muscular, but in the middle of the night I convince myself that the BC has returned. My husband tries to reassure me but he doesn’t really understand the fear goblin that lurks constantly.

Sending hugs to you, Evie xx

@Mrsmillie how are you doing? I’m new to this rubbish game so I can’t offer you any words of wisdom. 
but you’ve beaten this bugger before, I’m sure you will do it again. 

stay strong but it’s ok to crumble now and again. Xx

I think I have got it back in same breast 19years later this time 3 lumps not one. Have been told one doctor at my surgery nicknamed fatal and one other nicknamed Dr Kilmore but at least that made me laugh. Carry on carrying on. You have beaten me to the crown of longest time between getting it again. I think mine are new primaries but I still need to go to the clinic to find out. Seagulls