Hello everyone
I was diagnosed with breast cancer three days ago and feeling a mix of things but mainly just sad. Naturally I am anxious about the impact on family, further tests, surgery, treatment etc but what I’m really struggling with is the massive change to my identity… suddenly going from ‘me’ to now ‘me with cancer’. Is it just me?!
46 UK
It’s not just you Hun, it’s most of us. Definitely me. Age 60 triple neg breast cancer diagnosis 3 months ago. I’ve personally found the emotional side much harder than the physical stuff.
You will learn that the forever waiting for results, plans etc is one of the worst things. That BC is incredibly complicated and everyone is slightly different and therefore treatment plans etc vary a lot.
That your team will do loadsa investigations and planning before they tell you what’s to come.
You may find your a BC warrior !!! Or you may be a blubbing mess like me. It doesn’t matter which.
Be incredibly kind to yourself, pull in every bit of support you have available to you. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF for getting the bloody disease.
Yes it is unfair.
At the end of the day BC doesn’t generally kill us it just sure fecks us up for a while.
Message here and seek support and information it does help. Although be slightly wary of how much you immerse yourself in the BC world, sometimes it helps sometimes it hinders.
Xx
Dear Southwest,
So sorry to read your post, we have all been there and now we are here for you, please be kind to yourself,
Unfortunately when these things happen to us, we’re always worried about our families and other people around us. I know I’ve been there however a little bit of advice, you now have to think about yourself easier said than done, by taking one day at a time and everything will fall into place at the moment it’s just a terrible shock.
Making notes, i find will help, and taking comfort from that special person over a cup of tea. Please keep posting letting us know how you are getting on.
Wishing you lots of love, health and happiness ahead.
Biggest hugs Tili 
Hi @southwest123, I just wanted to stop by and say how you are feeling is totally normal. I was diagnosed in mid January and it was a complete shock - I’m 46 as well.
I found the worst couple of weeks incredibly hard with the BC diagnosis but not knowing the stage, grade, treatment plan etc.
I’ve had literally every test possible, but I’m starting chemotherapy on Monday and I feel like I’ve got a little bit of control back and a plan going forward.
Do you have any tests/investigations booked in? It does all happen very quickly once you have a diagnosis.
Sending you best wishes x
Jayne,
Wishing you lots of luck with your chemotherapy treatment,
with happiness ahead.
Biggest hugs Tili:pray:
Hi @southwest123,
You’re definitely not alone in that. I’m 44 and recently diagnosed, surgery in a week then further treatment once final results and oncotype come back. It does feel a little bit like you need to mourn the life before BC which is okay. Its okay to feel overwhelmed, sad or whatever you need to feel. Be kind to yourself and know that you’re not alone.
Sending best wishes.
You have no identity change. You are still the person you were before BC. This is a blip in your life which you have to navigate just the way I am sure you have negotiated other difficulties. Believe me, friends and family will take their lead from you. I kept people updated with a, mostly, lighthearted blog and people responded in kind. Once you have a treatment plan you just put one foot in front of the other and plod on. Make it clear what practical assistance can help but, above all, set the tone. You are in charge NOT cancer
I’ve been diagnosed since 2/5 and it’s still not real to me. I’m getting my port installed and starting chemo soon but the constant anxiety is too much sometimes. I try to distract myself with work and hope to continue doing that but we shall see. I definitely understand the change to my identity part. Taking things one day at a time is a huge help.
You are most definitely not alone, I was diagnosed on November 13th and now three months later I am awaiting results from surgery and to learn what’s next. But I still cannot accept that I have Breast Cancer, it’s like a bad dream, I just cannot get my head round it. Then a month after that diagnosis I was told I have skin cancer - seriously someone must be playing horrible games with me, I don’t feel ill. I will get to accept it and I will win, I might have cancer but it doesn’t have me.
Hi @southwest123,
It’s understandable. It doesn’t only affect us physically. Give yourself time to go through the dwelling process but remember this is not a death sentence. Thankfully treatments have improved and out catered to our own personal cases. Make sure you make time for yourself and do things you enjoy. Time will pass by soon. Look forward.
Best wishes,
Olga
It is perfectly understandable what you are feeling, many of us on here have been through the same emotional turmoil. The way I dealt with it was like a project, ticking off each section as I went through the various treatments. Try not to take it all in at once, it is a lot to take on board. You will be surprised how strong you are and you will get through this like many others on here. We are all here for you. X
Welcome to the forum @southwest123
I am very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. As those who have responded to you already have said, you are certainly not alone in feeling this way.
The forum is full of kind people and I hope you find the support you are looking for. Please also know that our nurses are here for you any time, here on the forum on the Ask our Nurses your questions or over the phone 0808 800 6000.
We’re thinking of you,
Lucy
Hi, definitely not just you! Still early days and it takes ages to get your head round it. I was told about 10 days ago but really I knew after the biopsies and ultrasound 10 days before that. Some days I can deal with it practically - finding a couple of suitable bras, looking after myself etc but others I’m a wreck and can’t stop crying. So I do feel for you! What I find emotionally triggering is when my grown up sons are so caring and concerned about me. I’m finding 15 mins of yoga is helping me stay a bit calmer. We’ll get there!
At 77 my BC diagnosis last November was a huge shock, no symptoms, no lumps, nothing to give me a clue, thankfully though detected while very small on a mammogram. Tomorrow I see my surgeon for the results of my surgery five weeks ago and learn what’s next, today the stitches come out from a biopsy on my back as I have skin cancer too.
But one thing I have learnt over these past few months is yes I do have cancer but cancer does not have me. I will do everything necessary to kick these unwanted visitors out of my body. My wish for you all is that you kick cancer’s backside too. Stay strong and remember there are always fellow warriors here to talk freely with.
Love to you all.
I think it is really normal to feel grief and loss. I personally found, once I got over the horror of the first few weeks - the shock of a diagnosis and then the hard week of all the tests - and actually got going on the chemo that I felt mentally ok. Just a matter of managing the physical symptons. On the good weeks between treatments I actually felt really great/postive.
Best of luck with whatever comes next - its a journey of highs and lows and you will deal with it with strength I am sure x