32 newly diagnosed with secondary breast cancer

Hi everyone I am just looking to talk to other women feeling and experiencing the same fear and hearheak as me as at the moment I feel very isolated and alone. I am 32 with 3 beautiful children Alfie is 8 Erin is 7 and Toby is 3 8 weeks ago I was diagnosed with er-pr- her2+ breast cancer with liver metastasis tomorrow is my second round of docetaxel chemo with herceptin and protusamab the 1st round affected me badly physically and emotionally. They haven’t given me any ideas of life expectancy at this time and in fact I haven’t seen or spoke to my oncologist since before my 1st chemo. I am so petrified of dying and leaving my babies and how it will affect them that I have started having panic attacks and nightmares and hardly sleep. I don’t know how to get control of the panic and fear to try and make the most of the life that I have whether that be months or years. How does everyone else manage many thanks xxx

Hi and welcome to the forum, I’m sorry you are having to deal with so much especially with a young family.

i don’t have secondaries but wanted to acknowledge your post and reassure you that there are some lovely ladies here who will be able to help and support you as they are going through the same. 


You are still in the early days of diagnosis and will be struggling to process it all and it is perfectly natural to feel panicked and frightened about what is going to happen. We have ladies many years on with secondaries doing very well who I am sure will be along soon to offer you their support. 


I think one thing we all agree on here is taking things a step at a time helps us to cope, trying to process the bigger picture is just too overwhelming, I don’t know how you feel about maybe taking something to help you get on top of the anxiety but it would be worth a chat to your Gp.


If you feel you are getting overwhelmed the helpline here is wonderful and they will talk through your worries with with understanding and compassion and may be able to join you up with someone going through exactly the same as you are right now. 


This is so tough but there is plenty of hope and treatments available amd always help and support here for you Xx 


Welcome to the forum. So sorry you have had to join us but please know there is so much information and help and support here.

You are newly diagnosed and still in shock but you are not alone.  You will find women on here who have been living many many years with breast cancer including secondary and they didn’t even start out on the new meds we have now. The targeted therapy for HER positive has had amazing results and those of us who aren’t HER positive are now also starting to get this type of targeted drug. Don’t read about statistics as they are “ an average” and most statistics take 5 to 10 years to accumulate. You will find many ladies on here with liver secondaries and are living full lives, the meds keep the liver secondaries stable.

Treatment  has come on so much in the last few years and more is on the horizon.

Take your time looking around the forum and get familiar with the jargon ask anybody anything no question is a dumb question we have all been where you are. 

breastcancer.org is also a good forum, it’s an American site and there is a section for young women diagnosed with secondary’s 

Be kind to yourself it takes time to get your head around it .

with Love 







Hi. I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us.
Eight weeks ago I was diagnosed with liver mets too.
I spent the first month frantically searching forums for long term survivors. I found plenty.
On this forum alone you will find women who are living for many many years thanks to herceptin.
My cancer isn’t hr positive so I can’t have it but I can have some of the other new drugs.
Some people are saying herceptin is the closest thing to a cure so please try to stay positive.
There are also many other treatments for liver mets. Ablation, cyberknife, chemosaturation; the list goes on and on. The liver is the largest organ and is excellent at regeneration.
There are also new drugs entering the market all of the time so I don’t think it’s beneficial to ask what your prognosis is. It would be impossible for anyone to say as the figures would be based on people who didn’t have access to these treatments.

This is also an exciting time for immunotherapy and vaccine trials. They say these types of drugs will be much more widely available within five years or so and I’m positive we will be around to benefit from them. These trials could be on the the cusp of a cure.
I cope as I truly believe we are the ladies (and some men) who will smash the outdated stats and live into old age.
You might find it helpful to look on the secondary bc boards of the American site inspire.com where there is a wealth of information about what’s happening in clinical trials at the minute. Also twitter is a very good place to meet other young people going through the same thing. They also arrange meet ups etc.
Also, you can ask your oncologist to refer you to a liver mets specialist to see what other treatments might be available to you.
I’m 44 with 3 grown up children. My son has cerebral palsy and still very much needs me and I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon and neither will you.
We’ve got this. ? xxx

Hi so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Yes it’s overwhelming at first and sometimes I felt like just burying my head under my pillow and wishing it’s all a bad dream!!!
I have 1 child who is only 11 and feel I want to be around to see her mature into a beautiful young lady !! We all have dreams and desires and I guess that’s our motivation to go on despite the many challenges before us.
The others are so correct that there are so many new treatments developing and even though right now things seem down, it’ll get better. Just hang in there. Remember you need to be there for your kids.
We all go through times of fear and doubt. If you are religious, prayer helps, at least I find it helpful.
Family or friends around you to rally you on n to celebrate the little successes like a good result or another round of chemo completed helps a lot.
Keep busy ( don’t think you need me to tell you that as you have 3 little ones).
Don’t think too far ahead just take 1 step at a time. You will look back and wonder how you got through this but YOU WILL GET through it.
God bless you. Take care

Hi ‘love my babies’
What is your name? I’m Amy. I’m 39 and was diagnosed with er+pr+her-ve BC with spinal mets and 2x ‘nodules’ on my liver. I had a round of FEC chemo but then the receptor status came back so I’m going onto hormonal treatment. The chemo wasn’t fun. Are they trying to manage your side effects? I have an 11 year old and a 9 year old. I know exactly how you feel. The panic can be overwhelming. I am trying to master the art of living in the moment and breathing exercises. Nights are the worst. Being alone with your own thoughts is bad too. I’m trying so stay busy. I’ve just started reading Deborah Jame’s ‘F*** you cancer’ book. She has stage 4 bowel cancer but is 35 and has kids. The book is helping me hugely.

What an amazing and kind bunch of people. I’m waiting a bone scan for suspected mets (5 years since primary ) and your kind words have reassured me. I hope lovemybabies you are doing ok xxxx

Hi Love my babies 

I have never posted on here before but your post is very similar to how I feel. 

I am 39 and have 2 young children, Evie 2.5 and Henry 10 months. I have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and following a CT scan, liver and stomach metastasis. The shock of being told this was overwhelming. The days that followed just consisted of tears, anger and total fear of what was to come and leaving my babies behind. Every time I think of them growing up without me I find it hard to breathe. How unfair can life be. They need me and your little beauties need you. 

I’ve had 1 round of FEC chemo, 5 more to go. And then I’m not sure of the plan. I’m just praying the chemo does it’s job. 

I heard my diagnosis and simply thought that was it, My time was up. But reading lots of posts on here and talking to my oncologist I’m slowly realising that it’s not the end. Not yet. And there’s so much to fight for. I haven’t been given a timescale either, like yourself, I don’t think they really know yet. 

It can be a lonely place. I don’t feel like I can talk too much to my closest family about my fears as it upsets them. But I also need to make plans. Future plans for when I’m not around. 

Saying that, all I know for sure is that I’m not ready to go anywhere yet. My babies need me and I’m going to put up one hell of a fight for them. 

You can do the same. Look at them, and focus all your strength into your treatment and the next steps. Your babies need you and they still have you. I think the hardest part is getting your head straight. The rest will follow. Your babies will help you find the strength to carry on. Enjoy all the moments you have. 


You’ve got this xx 


Hi Love my Babies,


I am now in a similar situation I’m 31years old with an 11week old baby and I’ve been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer with metastasis to my breast bone and spots on my lungs. I’m starting Chemo tomorrow and I’m terrified of the road ahead but more than anything not being there for my little girl as she grows up, I feel hopeless about missing everything, I won’t be there for her when she needs me and I won’t be able to see her get married. How are you getting on with it? X

Hey lovely 

Like yourself I’m thirty two diagnosed with breast csncer but secondary to the Bones I was very much in denial about my condition don’t get me wrong I cried when first but only properly cried when read up about condition I’m er+hr- so I’m on lethzole zoladex should be having demasaub but calcium too low. I do find particularly difficult as I’ve never wanted kids but now that I’m in postion where I’m put in menapause state so can have lethzole and most likely unable have kids upset me tbh


Ive had radiotherapy already on lumber thorasic and skull I’m here if you want chat I’m currently trying still deal with the condition and nkw mum been diagnosed with thyroid cancer not good for my mental health when on anti depressants have you been in touch with mscmillan nurse thry amazing round here there is people I various forms who lived with secondary for years xxx

Hello, ‘love my babies’ 


ive just read your post and recognise your feelings.  It’s 5 months since I was diagnosed with metastatic triple negative breast cancer, and I remember very well the horror of it all and the terror.    I am calmer now I’m on treatment but every so often the old cold feeling of fear raises its head and I try to push it back down.


Others might have different thoughts but here are my personal top tips for getting through these first few months :

  1. make sure you sleep at night…use/buy/do whatever you can so that you sleep at night.  Nights are the worst for bad thoughts and days are so much worse if you’re tired.  Use sleeping pills if you need them…i just take 1/2 a zopiclone and I love them!  But there are lots of other over the counter things.  If you’ve slept well, you feel well and everything is easier to deal with.  For me, the first few months were about ‘emotional survival’

  2. get referred for all the psychological help you can find.  It doesn’t change anything but can be a good outlet for talking things through and you can say awful things that you don’t want to burden your family with

  3. start preparing for treatment…get things done that you’ve put off (pay for it to be done if you can, less stressful!), eg niggling household things.  Also treat yourself eg new duvet cover, coat…anything to distract and to help you feel good.