I received the bad news of the century last week when I came back from holidays. My lump (which I thought might be milk at first) is an invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 3 and it is triple negative.
I am a mother of 2 children, a 2 and a half year old and a little baby who just turned 6 months last week.
It has been a very hard first 6 months with my hubby working long hours and me looking after the 2 kids on my own. We were just coming over the toughest period when we received that horrific news, a real kick in the guts!
I was planning to continue breastfeeding until I return to work; now I don’t know what to do. I guess I will have to stop once my treatment starts…but baby still wakes up at 5pm and it is so handy to put her on the breast…
I have so many mixed feeling about it, often anger, why me? I am the queen of good health, eating tons of fruits and veggies, exercising lots, I don’t drink alcohol, I have breastfed both my kids and the list goes on… It feels like all the plans we had for this year are now put on hold until I find out more about my BC. I also often feel that I am letting my family down, my husband and girls mostly, as we had plans to leave the UK to go to live abroad and now this is not possible.
I cried so much last week that I don’t think I have any tears left in me to continue.
Now I’m in action mode and I want to fight that horrible thing with all the strength I have, I want things to move fast and I have decided to return back to work and work through the treatment whatever it is.
I have an appointment tonight with the surgeon to find out what my treatment options are and what the next course of action is. Having read lots of post and brochures about BC, I’m guessing it’s going to be chemotherapy which I’m dreading…I can’t imagine myself without hair.
I will keep you posted. Thanks for reading.
oh goodness! this could almost have been me writing this last year. i’m sorry you find yourself here, but you are not alone. your feelings you are describing are all normal. it really is a scary time.
i was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma last march, 2009. i was 33, newly married and was breastfeeding my 6 month old baby boy. like you i believed my lump was milk related, so when the consultant said ‘cancer’ the floor fell out of my world. i remember feeling angry too, as you do ‘why me?!!’ . i have run marathons, i’m slim, eat well, non smoker etc. etc. and i felt cheated. i worried so much for my family and the future. i was convinced i was going to die imminently!!
a cancer diagnosis really is such a huge shock and it takes time to adjust to it, just give yourself time. the women here are fabulously supportive so you will find this forum a great place to let off steam and ask any questions.
good luck tonight with your surgeon. ask as many questions as you want… it takes time to learn all the science bits! you sound like you have a fire in your belly to get on with treatment now and that will help you through it.
this time last year (i was diagnosed 26-03-09) i was facing chemo, surgery, and radiotherapy. i’ve done it (and my hair is growing back thicker than before!). it’s a hard battle, but you can do it, and the women here will help you on your way. good luck, thinking of you. xxxx
Hi fighter34
I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. As well as the support you receive from the other users you may find the BCC resouces pack useful. It has been designed specifically for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you understand your diagnosis and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a pack just follow this link:-
I hope this is helpful
Best wishes Sam (BCC Facilitator)
Hi Fighter and Redcell
Snap! DX Sept 08. Eldest was just coming up 3 and my baby 7 months. I’d only just stopped breastfeeding as my milk couldn’t get through on my affected side and became so problematic I had to stop and see if the problems went too (cancer wasn’t on anyone’s mind!). 6 weeks later the bottom fell out of my world along with my diagnosis. I felt so angry, lost and robbed. And so scared too.
I was job hunting at the time and we couldn’t manage on one income. Once I got my treatment plan sorted and started I went for the jobs I wanted and within 3 months of dx started the job I had really wanted. It was tough working through treatment and running house and caring for the kids and I look back and think it was tough but at the time, I found it quite managable.
Wishing you the best of luck in your treatment and choices. If you ever want to vent your fears and frustrations, concerns and worries for your family then happy to listen/share experience - track me down on here (I browse in fits and starts). Its the thing I find hardest of all - the impact my cancer has on them.
L x x x
Hi,
so sorry to read your post, it really is just a ball of crp isn’t it? I was diagnosed 8th March and am 36 with 2 boys aged 4 and 2. Mine was grade 3, 17mm in size and “vaguely” oestrogen positive. I had the lump removed 2 weeks ago and the sentinel node procedure. The results came back last week and it seems as though it hasn’t spread.
The only thing i can say is that you will sway from positive to negative, cry lots and lots and probably be terrified. I am an information junkie usually but have started to be less proactive about gathering info as so much of it is scary and may never apply to me. Try not to read too far ahead if you want to try and retain any sanity.
I know exactly where you are coming from with the guilt, although logically i know its not as if i have made this happen to me. I too was a healthy good girl so think this is just totally unfair and random. The only thing i keep coming back to is to congratulate myself for finding the lump and doing something about it, so well done to you too for that.
You must be heartbroken about the breastfeeding. I loved it and fully expected to do it again for a 3rd baby, but thats not likely to happen now. Just try and enjoy it now maybe? Plus your children are so young they probably won’t have much clue whats going on which is good.
Be kind to yourself.Take care
xxxxxxxxx
ps. you may not lose your hair with chemo, theres this cold cap thing you can use for a few hours during chemo treatment which tries to stop the drugs getting into your hair and so you can keep it, apparently its pretty good. And i met a lovely girl via my breast care nurse who is 35 now and 2 years since treatment ended. Her cancer was triple negative too and she was glowing with health and very happy when i met her a few weeks ago.
Hi
Just thought I’d send my hugs and best wishes too. I am 38 with 2 small children.
My surgery is on thurs this week. My advice would be to not look too far ahead. Take one treatment at a time. Tors is right you can find out too much and you can worry about things which may never affect you. It is a bit like labour stories you can hear about everyone elses but no ones is quite like yours- well it is the same with cancer no ones will be quite like yours.
But is is good to know that you are not alone - particularly in the mental fight we have each day. Keep strong. Debx
Sounds like me too-last year.
I was diagnosed when my daughter was 8mths old and still breast fed. I had to stop immediatly after the consultants appointment and it wasnt easy and i felt so guilty. My daughter to her credit just took a cup and got on with it! I had surgery, chemo and rads.
Now, nearly a year on i am fit, well and looking to the future. It does suck, it is hard but it does end. The treatment is do able but get all the help you can. Kids dont stop or understand altho in some respects i found they kept me going.
good luck
X
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There are far too many of us young mums on here !!! I have two girls aged 3 and 6…was diagnosed last June. I will echo what many of the women on this thread have already said…we all know that feeling like the bottom has just fell out of your world. I was convinced I was going to die within a year !!!
But now a year down the line…Ive had surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and am awaiting reconstruction. Its a hard journey but you can and will get through it and come out the other side !!!
Like someone else said at least your children wont remember too much about you going through this and are too young to understand truly whats going on. I was able to keep my girls in their routine…and still did the school runs and lots of fun stuff with them! Its your children that will make you drag yourself out of bed each morning and your children that will give you that determination to get through this…and you will.
Use this forum…the girls on here are so supportive (altho it makes me so mad that there are so many of us!!!).
Lots of love Sal xxxx
Hi
Just wanted to say sorry about your dx its so hard esp with young children but you will get through this, i was dx 14yrs ago next month my baby was 16 week old and like you they thought it was blocked milk duct, i went into total shock when i was told it was cancer and thought i would never get through the treatment esp chemo but it is do able to a point and the good thing now is my baby is 14 yrs old and she has no idea of what i went through at the time
good luck with your treatment
Kay x
Thanks for all your supportive posts. It helps a lot knowing that so many of us went through the same experience but at the same time it is so upsetting.
I saw 2 different surgeons on Monday and Tuesday and have been given more or less the same information except that the order of doing things seems different.
Has anyone had chemo and then the sentinel node test taken? I’m not quite clear why this is not done before the chemo starts?
Let me know. Thanks
I had Chemo, tamaxofen, surgery, rads. No sentinel node test. Mine were so affected you could see the lump in my armit from across a room (not bragging). I don’t know why they would do it after chemo - are you having chemo before surgery? Maybe thats why? My BCN told me when I got the pathology after my WLE that chemo doesn’t work so well in the lymphs (all mine were affected - still not bragging).
I know what you mean about it helping to know that others have the same experience. Suppose, there is some comfort in knowing you aren’t alone and seeing how they get on, survive and even, thrive. I used to search out women with similar situations and cancer stories. But it always made me feel sad and sorry too because I have such empathy for them and their families.
L x x
Hi L
Just reading a couple of your posts, you say you felt angry, lost, robbed and so scared. all of which is soooooooo understandable. with two such young babies!
But then you say you you were job hunting, and that you got the job you had wanted. Tough! l should have thought it was very Tough! while you were having treatment,
And then you say your lump in you armpit could be seen from across the room! How scary was that for you?
But you seem to have such a positive way, what l would call a very brave soldier! carry on regardless, l am sure you have had many a hard time, but l admire your attitude, and wish you Lots of Good Health and Happiness for you and your family.
Keep that attitude with you, it will carry you far!
Love
Sandra xxx
Ladies,
It is so sad to read the stream of comments from mums with young children coping with breast cancer. My youngest was age 3 when I was diagnosed. I am now nearly 2 years on, so yes, there is hope. If you are a mum, you have a secret weapon - your babies. They will give you the strength to get up in the morning and fight this dreadful disease, even on those days when you think you can’t carry on. I have just published a website especially targeted at mums with young or school aged kids. Its more about support than medical information. It is very new but I have included a forum so take a look and maybe post if you can. I am hoping to gather together a community of BreastCancerMums to support each other - from the first diagnosis to years down the track. Take a look at breastcancermums.co.uk
In the meantime - the old adage of one day at a time is good advice…be strong