I’m Kat. I am 9 weeks pregnant and found a lump about 3 weeks ago. I knew it was bad the moment I felt it.
I was seen at the breast clinic last Thursday and had an ultrasound and three biopsies done. The consultant has been very honest and is almost certain it is cancer.
I am definitely in detached mode right now.
I have been experiencing extreme fatigue (needing 12-16) hours of sleep a night.
Has anyone else experienced this prior to any treatment?
I also wondered if anyone had taken time off work following their initial appointment. I have taken a week off. I work in a college with 16-19yr olds.
Anyway I just want to introduce myself.
I have an 11 year old son too and any advice on how to tell children about the news would be helpful please?
I was 6 weeks postpartum when I was diagnosed, and had a 3 year old at the time too. This was July 2023, I completed my treatment in may 2024, but still living with side effects.
I can’t advise on treatment during pregnancy, but if you reach out to Mummy’s Star, they’re absolutely wonderful. I relied on them quite a lot during chemo, and they’ll be able to help you navigate your pregnancy with any of your treatment plans. They’ll also be able to give you helpful advice on communicating with your 11 year old. MacMillan actually gave us some flash cards, which might be aimed more at younger children, but they had talking points and questions on them that I think could be helpful for older kids too? They were from a small charity called The Little C Club, not sure if they’re still around, but once you’re in touch with your macmillan nurse they can be a huge support.
My toddler was just starting pre-school when I started chemo, so I was very open with the school about what was going on. They would keep an eye on him and make sure he was ok. I’ll never forget, his teacher telling me to be honest with him from the start, and to tell him that people can and do get better. Kids know things, and your 11 year old must have access to the internet too? I think it’s important to not spiral with google. There is a charity that offers counselling for children in these situations, I can’t remember the name but your macmillan nurse might know?
What I can say is that I was unbelievably tired during pregnancy, I assumed it was down to being pregnant with a toddler running around. I look back now and think it wasn’t just that, I would fall asleep constantly without meaning to and by the end I really struggled.
I hope you’re able to get some restful sleep, and look after yourself as best as you can. Feel free to send me a message if you need to just chat though, I’m no expert but it’s hard going through this while thinking about the kids.
This must be a very hard time for you. My heart goes out to the situation you are in and I am sorry you find yourself here with us but welcome and I hope you find some comfort here.
It is a stressful time right now and the emotional toll and physical effects of the stress cannot be understated. I found the time after the clinic when they told me it was most certainly cancer and after my diagnosis just exhausting and I did need to rest and try and sleep a lot. And you are also pregnant so you need to rest and do whatever you need right now for your body and your emotional needs.
I took a few days off after the clinic as it was such a shock and I couldn’t face talking to people about it at work. My boss knew what was going on and I am lucky I got to take this time. Since my biopsy results I have had other hospital visits so have also taken time for that and just to rest.
I found trying to do some normal things and get back to my routine as much as I could did help me reflect and distract myself from the situation when I was up to it.
If you have a McMillan centre near you they offer advice, counselling and booklets on dealing with cancer and how to guides about work and speaking to children. I went to them in a bit of a state at my local hospital and just having someone to ask some questions to on the logistics/practical side I found helpful so you could try them if you need support that’s not on the medical side. They can write supportive/explanation letters for employers etc if you need. I don’t have any children so sorry so I can’t offer any advice but use all the resources available to you. My mother also had cancer when I was a teenager and they told us at a movie night to break the blow. Not sure if there is a right way but I cannot watch that movie anymore even though it was a comedy There is also Maggie’s that offer support but I’ve not dealt with them yet.
Best wishes to you and I hope you get your results soon.
I wanted to respond to your question about people taking time off work after their initial appointment. From the point of being diagnosed up until surgery I couldn’t work as found this part the most upsetting by a mile. I had a few things change along the way and each time I tried to go back I’d get a phone call and I’d be a mess again so gave up on the idea of working. Once I’d had surgery I had a couple of weeks off to recover, I could have gone back (home based job) but my manager insisted I take the two weeks I had a sick note for. I didn’t need any further time off and could have worked through radiotherapy no problem, but again my manager insisted I take that week off which was appreciated.
It’s a huge shock getting a cancer diagnosis, especially being a parent and pregnant (congratulations by the way!), so, if you can, it may be an idea to let work take a backseat until you know what is happening and when. x
Sorry to head youre in this situation. Being detached is absolutely fine. You do what you need to do to get through this.
Everyone deals with it differently. Some people can work & some people can’t. Theres no right or wrong answer.
Do what you need to do.
Sending you love & luck xxx
I was 62 when diagnosed with BC in Nov 2021. Beforehand I was falling asleep on the sofa every night, but put it down to getting older & not being as fit as usual. After my treatment (lumpectomy, chemotherapy & radiotherapy) I was still tired for 6-8 months, but it must have been the radiotherapy as now I’m just about back to myself. Good luck.
Hi Kat your situation sounds very similar to mine, I’m 40 and currently 23 weeks pregnant with breast cancer. I was 10 weeks when I received the results of my biopsy if you want someone to talk to please message me I’m happy to share with you my experience so far.
Re children I have a 9 and 5 year old, I downloaded a book called mummy’s lump it’s by MacMillan and it tells the journey very well in a child friendly way, my 9 year old read it herself then we talked about it, my 5 year old I read it aloud but to be honest I think he was too young to really understand. I don’t know if it’s too child-like for an 11 year old but worth taking a look x
I worked 2 shifts as a nurse in between biopsy and results appointment ( which was only 6 days apart) took the day before results day as annual leave, then never went back until treatment over. It was pretty much expected and understood that I wouldn’t be back for a while, nobody would expect you to work in between treatments, though its not ruled out if it suits you better mentally. Just be aware, as youve found, that the mental load is immense and draining of itself before any treatment occurs.
I got lucky, no chemo required so back to work after 6 months, often a year or more is needed. No idea how mat leave affects it all so you’d need specific advice from HR for that.
I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis @yikes1 and don’t have a lot to add to the wonderful, kind advice from the people who have commented here already.
Everyone is different and has different feelings at different times, all of them are valid and normal. We have some information on our website about breast cancer during pregnancy that you may find useful: Breast cancer during and after pregnancy | Breast Cancer Now
You can find support and speak to other people in a similar position through:
In response to your question about work, if you have breast cancer, employers are required to make reasonable adjustments to help you continue to work, return to work, have time off for medical appointments or for continued treatment and recovery. Your employment rights are protected under the Equality Act 2010. We have some more information on this on our website: Work and breast cancer | Breast Cancer Now
Lastly, please know that our specialist nurses are here for a chat to support you - be it a clinical question or to talk things through. You can get in touch with them here on the forum on the Ask our Nurses your questions board or on our helpline 0808 800 6000 which is open Monday to Friday 9am-4pm and 9am-1pm Saturday.
Thank you all so much for replying! It means an awful lot to me!
I will definitely use the resources you have advised as I think this situation is quite rare and any support options are valuable to me.
I’m sleeping a ridiculous amount and the results day is 3.5 weeks away but my sister thinks they will bring that forward.
I’m sorry we are all here but it is so nice to be welcomed by women who are experiencing the same and know how strange it feels.
I may reach out again once the confirmed results are in.
Thanks again for taking the time to write to me! xx
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. I was 12 weeks pregnant when I found out I had cancer. I then had to have surgery and chemo during the pregnancy which was very tough. I found the diagnosis so hard but it did get easier for me. I’ve just finished radiotherapy and I’ve started hormone treatment. If you have any questions or want to talk drop me a message. X
There is also Maggie’s that offer support but I’ve not dealt with them yet.