Hi there
I am have just done my third round of chemo and have 3 more plus a mastectomy after
The emotional side of things are becoming overwhelming and I am struggling on my better energy days with what to do to keep myself busy and cope with the journey ahead
? x
Hi Susie
They do describe breast cancer as a rollercoaster and it’s no exaggeration. Think of what you’ve been through so far - a diagnosis that turned your life upside down, fears fuelled by the public perception of breast cancer, invasive and frankly scary treatments with, if you’re unlucky, horrible side effects - and a complete change in your priorities. Then you look ahead to a mastectomy. Personally I saw my mastectomy as a life-saver and I’m happily monoboobed, but others are traumatised by this assault on their femininity So…. What would you be thinking if a close friend or relative was facing all this?
Be kind to yourself. The emotions are uncomfortable but try not to bottle them up. I went through it all in a state of numbness. It worked for me but how I wish I could have raged at the injustice of it all and expressed my fears in healthier ways. Hospitals are great with the cancer treatments but they mostly have one goal - get rid of the cancer. There’s often little provision for emotional support except from the breast care nurses who we know are overworked. Usually hospital have support services, although many were suspended during the pandemic. It would be worth asking what’s available at your hospital. Do you have access to a Maggie’s Centre? Check them out online. The Breast Cancer Haven has been suspended but I believe their video service is still running online, with useful things like meditation and mindfulness. Personally I use YouTube videos by Progressive Hypnosis that help with anxiety, sleep and a sense that I’m doing something right. Then there’s apps the NHS recommend like Calm and Headspace. Macmillan is the main cancer charity that provides one to one emotional support but I have heard that, since it all had to move online, there are long waiting lists.
You aren’t alone in your emotions and fears and it’s ok to express them to your oncologist, nurse, partner, friends (those who are supportive and understanding). This is part of essential self-care, painful though it is. Do you need to keep busy? Why not take time out just to be you with your feelings? If it is overwhelming, talk to your GP, maybe the one who referred you. Don’t be fobbed off with “Any woman would feel this way”, which was what I was told. You aren’t any woman, you are YOU. Platitudes don’t help but maybe there are other short-term interventions. For me, it was needing sedatives to help me get through scans etc. There’s no shame in it. It’s not weakness. It’s deciding what’s right for you because I’m afraid that, for now, you have to be your first priority and trust others to take over the other roles you filled in your life now and then. My husband took on all the housework and cooking (I do the online stuff) and now he’s quite content to carry on this way. I do feel a bit redundant but, being fundamentally lazy and happiest curled up with a good book, I’m OK with this.
I wish you well with the rest of your chemo and the surgery ahead. It’s all manageable but do reach out when you need to. This is a very supportive community, well-informed and with a wealth of experience, and the nurses at the number above are excellent if you need a listener or information. There are other services like Someone Like Me, that pairs you up with someone who’s been through it all and has features in common with your diagnosis and treatment. Whatever you decide to do, it’s your choice but do be prepared for feeling that you just aren;t you any more. You are -you just are adapting to new circumstances. All the best,
Jan x