4 years on

Hi Ladies,
It has been 4 yrs december just gone when i was told i had BC in 2007.
Im due to have my mammogram next week then my annual appointment with the oncologist. I will be bringing up the twinges i’ve been getting in my back and to be honest im feeling quite anxious about it as im worried what if they find something.
The past month has been awful as on my birthday start of dec, i was told my dad had lung cancer then we were told he hadnt then we were told 95 % sure he did and its just been an emotional roller coster and bought it all back. He was told the same day i was dx 4 yrs ago, but now they are saying there not sure! i have spend so much time in the hospital with my dad and speaking to consultants but im feel scared for myself now,
I know its positive im 4 yrs down the line but the fear never leaves you.

Hi Sukes, I have PM’d you

Mo x

Big hugs to you Sukes. You’ve done well to get this far and you’re right the fear never leaves you and that’s what people who haven’t experienced having cancer don’t understand. That’s why it’s important to have places like this to help you through tough times. Try not to worry about your back twinges. When I was diagnosed with a recurrence just before Xmas I was convinced that every ache & pain meant I was riddled! Happily I can report that it hasn’t spread and I have my fingers crossed that you’re ok too. Keep us posted with your progress



hi sukes

I am new to this site, having being recently diagnosed, but you have given me inspiration and made me feel that I can carry on. Your bravery humbles me as I have been so tearful and silly worrying about myself … thank you so much xxxxxxxxxx hope all goes ok for you even at this bad time xxxxxxxxx thoughts are with you xx

Hi Sukes

I too am 4 years on and quite frankly at this time of year I re live it all again, I was DX in Dec 2007 and had my op on 31 Dec, I don’t think it ever goes away and however much we bury the fear and dark thoughts they are always near the surface, anniversaries, going for appointments, friends/family being DX all bring our own experience to the surface, it is understandable that you feel upset and worried about your dad and also fear for yourself, it is only natural, you are also probably trying to be strong for him and your family.

When I go for Mammograms and Onc appointments I think please don’t find anything, then I think well at least if they do, I’m in the right place, being monitored and looked after.

Sometimes I cannot even believe I went through it, it was like a bad dream, then I think where have the last 4 years gone to?

Perhaps we feel anxious because we are coming nearer that 5 year mark which they use as a benchmark?

Take care of yourself, and when you see the ONC if you are worried about back pain, tell them, they understand our fears and concerns.

Big hugs xxxxxx

Choozy Sue, you should not feel like you are being silly, your feelings are important to you, we were like that at the start of our journeys too. take care X

Hi All,

Thanks for the lovely support and comments. i do think having had to deal with dad has bought it all back and to be honest i have been told to take the lead with my siblings as i have had cancer so know a bit more about it but its just been flashbacks.

Chooseysuzy - you are so not being silly as we have all been there and im glad i have given you hope and inspiration. I know its difficult and with whats going on with dad i have ended up on diazapm short term and antidrepressants but it helps to take the edge of things short term why not. Please do not suffer in silence and if you want to cry then cry as there is nothing wrong with that and dont bottle it up

sarasquatter - we must have been dx at similar times as i had my op 02.01.08. Thanks for your support and i will mention it to the doc about the twinges but im hoping its just tamoxifen related as i dont feel it at night.

moser - thanks for the PM i know we are in the best hands but its still hard to deal with. Over time cancer is no longer in your thoughts first thing in the morning and last thing at night but there are times when it still comes to haunt you.


I know how you feel, sukes. I was diagnosed May 2008 and as far as I know I’m OK, but having a close relative currently having treatment has brought flashbacks which haven’t been nice.

There is also the problem that, particularly recently, the word ‘cancer’ is everywhere so it’s so hard to have a break from thinking about it. I know it’s good that there is more awareness by the general public, but I would love to be able to open a newspaper or magazine, watch a TV programme, go to a supermarket or without being bombarded with it.

Anyway,sorry for the rant!

And try not to worry. Jx

ohh yeah talk about ranting what about eastenders, Pat Butcher dies of cancer in 48 hrs and tanya and her friend really doesnt help!

I know, why couldn’t they just have let her die of something else?

I’m thankful to be just over 5 years on now. Don’t mean this to sound moany, but I find at Christmas now everyone sends me cards for cancer charities, like it’s their duty. I had a lovely day out on Monday with a friend of mines who was up from London visiting other friends - it was great because nobody spoke about cancer. Very refreshing not to be discussing it over dinner in a nice restaurant.