46 And Newly Diagnosed And Struggling To Find Hope

Hi Everyone

I have been diagnosed this week with Stage 4 Lobular with bone mets to my spine, I haven’t seen the Oncologist yet, was just told by the Breast Surgeon (I still have the primary tumour and nodes as he said the mets needed addressing first).


I am 46 and have two young daughters and am struggling to cope with the diagnosis, I know that if my time with my girls is limited then I should make the most of every day but at the moment I can’t grasp how to do that.  My 3 year old keeps asking why I’m not smiling and it breaks my heart.


What I want to ask is does it get easier? Can you feel happy again and enjoy the time you have? At the moment I can’t imagine how to do it…

Any advice would be gratefully received 

Oh my, LittleP, you must be reeling from all this at the moment. . . .a day at a time, and we are all in your corner.  You are in shock, and need time for this reality.  I wish you the best that it can be, and please don’t look too far into the future - slowly, slowly.

LittleP so sorry to hear your news . I was diagnosed When I was 43 , within 10 weeks was told it to was in my bones and my liver . I know just how hard it can be at the beginning especially with a young family  myself. Take one day at a time , and hopefully when  you have a treatment plan in place you may start to feel more positive. I’m 5 1/2 years on and only in the last three months have started my first IV chemo . Latest scans showing everything stable so there is hope . It will get easier , be kind to yourself x

Hi . I was diagnosed last September and completely fell apart.

I was a complete wreck and never thought I would be happy again but now people are surprised how happy I am and how far I have come from the first diagnosis. I have 2 children and it has rocked them aswell . You will I promise .It takes a while but once you have your treatment plan you will start to feel calmer xx

Hey Little P,

I agree with everything everyone has said earlier. What a lovely bunch of people on here!

And yes. It does get easier.

I’m nearly 8 years after diagnosis with mets throughout both lungs and liver. Still enjoying life and relatively physically fit. It’s the emotional stuff that’s been my struggle. I know I have cancer, but I see now that there can be some long time between diagnosis and death. And I hope to “surf on the wave of new treatments” for some long time yet.

Since diagnosis I have 4 grandchildren that I never expected to see! It hasn’t been easy to stay positive sometimes as my prognosis was pretty poor. But it’s improving all the time and that’s good enough for  now :wink:

Always happy to chat,

Big hugs,


Hi there,

Sorry about your diagnosis.  I found a new lump on New Years Day and my oncologist confirmed the next day that he thought it was metastases (since confirmed by scans).

What I have found is that there is a lack of information out there and a lack of support specific to metastatic breast cancer.  At no point have any of my medical team pointed me towards support specific to this condition and yet talking on forums, much as I talk to people with other stages of the disease, there are certain things you can only discuss with others that have metastases and that only they can understand.

In terms of smiling and loving life, it is possible.  That’s not to say it’s easy.  I’ve been lucky in that having battled a mental breakdown many years ago now (and subsequent severe depression), this cancer isn’t managing to get me down, I still smile and laugh every day.  The way I look at it is we all only have so much time left (and I mean everyone, as anyone could get hit by a bus tomorrow) and fear and sadness will rob us of some of that time if we let it.  I realise I could live for a long time yet, but my life is still going to be shortened by this illness.  I want as much of that time to be quality time as possible, I don’t feel I can afford to lose any of it to being unhappy.  There is still so much in life to be happy about and appreciate, not least your family, nature etc.  It might take some ongoing effort to push the sadness aside and choose to enjoy the things you have in life but it will get easier the more you do it.

Give yourself time though, you’ve had big news, you need to process it and go through the various stages of dealing with it.  Don’t be hard on yourself, but in time resolve not to let the sadness steal the time you do have.

Sorry if it sounds a bit trite, it’s just how I look at it.

Best wishes,