4th Jan Tumour Humour.......

4th Jan Tumour Humour…

4th Jan Tumour Humour… Hi All,

My apologies for not getting any jokes over to you yesterday but it was a bonkers day !!!

Here is a right mixture of funnies to help you through another day…

Here are some amazing titles of Country & Western Songs that have apparently been recorded - they are not made up !!!

  1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
  2. Get Your Tongue Otta My Mouth 'Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
  3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
  4. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
  5. I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me
  6. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
  7. I Got In At 2 With a 10, And Woke Up At 10 With a 2.
  8. I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
  9. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car
    Don’t Run, So I figure We Got An Even Deal
  10. I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
  11. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
  12. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better
  13. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
  14. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight
  15. I’m So miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
  16. I’ve Got Tears in My Ears From Lying On My Back While I Cry Over
  17. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
  18. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now
  19. Mama Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
  20. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Love Rovers
  21. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

A little Native American boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe, “Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?”

His father replied …

"Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture. For example, your sister’s name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

Then there’s your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp. It’s very simple and easy to understand.

Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

There were a few mothers attending a small seminar with a psychiatrist who claimed to know what their obsessions were judging by the names they gave their children. He asked the first mother what he named her daughter and she said “Penny”. So the doctor tells her she’s obviously obsessed with money.

He moves along to the next mother who says she named her daughter “Brandy”. So the doctor says she must be obsessed with alcohol.

Suddenly, a mother grabs her son by the arm and gets up, saying “C’mon Dick, let’s go.”

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then …” He sighed… … “Let’s put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box…”

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The officer replied, “its square and it has your picture on it.” The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the officer. “Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

Take care all and I hope something here brings you a smile…!!


Cathy xxxxx

P.S. If anyone else has results in today like me then I send loads of positive thoughts and cyberhugs to you !!!

For Cathy Hi Cathy,
Its me again, just read todays humour, made me laugh, thanks alot
keep it up…

Love elainexx

hi possum …!!! I am just about to go off to see my consultant and get my results but I am going to post you as soon as I get back. You are an amazing woman Elaine and , as cliched as it sounds, I know you are going to make it through this hell. You have so many wonderful people on this site who are totally there for you…you may feel very alone, and I understand that, but we are so here for you 24/7.

I can’t take the pain away, only time can do that, but I can be here for you to talk, yell, moan, cry, scream, have midnight cyberspace bubbly binges or whatever is needed.

One day at a time but please don’t lose sight of the fact that you are an amazing woman and I’m a better person for having you as a friend.

Will post again as soon as I return.

Take care & loads of the currency here…cyberhugs!

Cathy xxxx

For Cathy Thanks for your post, it made me feel really special, I will get there I know, it just seems a long way off yet. But with the help of you and the others i am sure i will get through this.

Early doors for rads again…bring it on…then a meeting with BC psychologist…so i may be away for a while…he will certainly have his work cut out on my grey matter!!!

Hope you saw other post with a few laughs and mirror hugs from me.

Speak later and let you know if i have been certified.

Love Elainexxxxx