Hi everyone,
im new here and have been reading your posts,everyone is very lovely
I just want to share my experience and hoping it will help someone or/and help me emotionally and mentally too.
6 weeks ago i was at my drs getting an annoying swelling unusal area checked by the paramedic, expecting them to say they cant see anything that differs from the other side, however they could see and did a breast check they were the one who found lumps. 9 days later im in breast screening, first mammogram after 3 biopsies and ultrasound, met a surgeon then who didnt give me any indication either way to what they had seen. Next week,met another surgeon its cancer idc stage 1 another appointment next day to discuss further. I had no emotional response other than for my son,i was overwhelmed by all the information booklets and possibilities that the nurse presanted me with. I really found it difficult as did not have a good time with the hospital processes communication and not a good rappor with the surgeon, no pics of before and after WLE. I had to have a seond set of biopsies for another area sterotatic this physically knocked me still sore bruised from first set. There have been tests and appointments nearly everyday upto my WLE and SNLB surgery on 7th. Confirmed Idc er7 and pr8 second area high dcis. Surgery was successful, 3 sentinel nodes removed and clear. Next steps meet oncologist radiotherapy and then meds. It has been a whirlwind, i hope to have a better rappor with oncologist. Family and friends think im brave and the worst is over, this is not how i feel, i mentally emotionally feel worse today then i have everyone thinks i should be celebrating, even during the weeks they cant understand and i found most helpful was reaching out to a support group face to face and others online just reading the same things about people helped. Im now left with a 6 week intense tim to get head round, all the next steps i am in huge pain and discomfort from surgery and alll my ‘people’ expect me to be happy and back to normal etc. This is difficult.
I am not ungrateful for my early catch or my cats ensuring took note, they were very odd with me! But i have big feelings now and worries like, life insurance trying to adjust back and medicine effects. Its surreal 6 week of cancer confirmed for a life of change. I feel very alone and not understood.
Thank you for this page. Love to all.
It must difficult to know how to be with someone who is going through cancer treatment, not least because we all have our individual approaches to it. Some may want and welcome extra support, while others may prefer to be treated as normal. Its no surprise that people often get their approach to it wrong for what we individually need at the time. I suspect a way to get around that is to be as open as you can about how you feel and what support you need from those closest to you, and chat on here with people who understand.
I will tell you my personal, most annoying stock phrases that are so off the mark, that are said by those who have never had cancer, to those who have, are ‘your, so brave’, ‘you’re a fighter’ " you have such strength, you are a worrier" etc. Its all BS platitudes, reality is, we are no different, not stronger than the next person, just happened to have got this crap thing interupting our lives, and we have no alternative but to deal with it, do we? These are fallback phrases that people have seen others say, and are copied when others don’t know what to say or do otherwise.
When people get it wrong, there’s the option to teach them right, otherwise they will forever fumble around getting it wrong. Your treatment is not over yet, you still have radiotherapy to get through which can bring its own challenges, the bell has not been rung yet even. Its fair to say its too early to celebrate, so no surprise you don’t feel like doing so, I never have. You will always feel different to how you did before all this - not always in negative ways, just that to you, things will never seem exactly the same.
Also, within this, if people look to you like they are carrying on with their normal lives, and you are taking this as a sign that you should be doing so, its not. It’s totally fine for you to not carry on as normal and opt out of stuff when you don’t feel like it. You might even find that people are less surprised and more willing to support and empathise by letting them know how it is rather than putting a ‘brave face on’ - its a waste of energy. I hope the rest of your journey runs smoothly. You may have another 5 or 10 years of hormone treatment to go yet, so anyone who expects back to normal can stick it! - lol x
@entropy Thank you for your reply and words made me chuckle in points. This online community does help. Definitely welcoming turning 40 in different way than thought. Your words help.
You are on a ‘journey’ that others only truly understand if they have been through it themselves or with a loved one. The shock of a cancer diagnosis just changes your whole perspective on everything in life. Not just the ‘assault’ on your body with the biopsies and surgery but the psychological shock of being confronted with your own mortality. In 17 years, even though my life is busy, happy and full, I still haven’t stopped looking over my shoulder and wondering what’s coming next. So here I am waking up to glance at this forum and see who I might be able to offer some sympathy and encouragement to.
You still have some way to go in the active phase of this process, but when you do get to the end of whatever is next, and there are no more immediate appointments, try and look for a BCN Moving Forward course near you. You will have a chance to say how you are feeling and meet other people in your area who have just finished treatment so will totally understand what it’s like for you. Also, if there happened to be a Maggies centre near you, you would get support there.
Your family and friends mean well, and are happy that you sound ‘cured’ so they don’t have to worry about losing you. I found everyone acted differently. Some run towards you to help and be supportive and some run away as they can’t cope with it all. I stayed in touch with all of them after treatment finished, and found that the worst ‘runner’ made the biggest fuss of me for years afterwards (and still does). So I was glad that I had decided not to judge.
I wish you all the best with the next phases of treatment and hope that life starts to improve for you as soon as possible.
