I’m over three years out now from my surgery and feeling good. Physically. Emotionally lately I’m tired. I just had a stressful month where I had to get some bloodwork to figure out why my estrogen level started rising after my ovaries were taken out. I did another post a week ago or so to detail the circumstances around it because I think it would be useful to some people but I think I’m experiencing some emotional fallout to it. But it could also be tamoxifen. Which I hate. Way more than lupron and letrozole. Worried about endometrial cancer and wondering if I should ask for ultrasounds to monitor. But not really wanting them because truly I want to be left alone more than anything. Wondering if I should ask to end my zolodrenic acid infusions because tamoxifen doesn’t affect the bones like letrozole does. Just wondering about a whole lot of crap. And freaking tired of it.
Dear @Kay0987 you were diagnosed three months before me so I’ve seen your posts and heard about your cancer journey (don’t know what else to call it) from the time I found the forum. Honestly, your responses and advice to so many people here have been so meaningful and wise that it is difficult to see you in your current emotional malaise. I have no advice to give, as you’re as clear thinking and straight talking as anyone on the forum but, for what it’s worth, I just wanted to send you some love and support across the airways and the ocean. Hoping that this isn’t too fluffy but allow yourself this downtime and the clarity and resolve to do what you know to be right, will come.
I suppose regarding the zolendronic acid, it depends on the reason you were put on it. What were your dexa scan results like? The decision to put you on it might have been as a prevention for osteoporosis or a prevention for cancer. It’s one to ask your team about before deciding on.
Tamoxifen woes, I totally get, hateful stuff. I also had PCOS and it would not surprise me at all if it was a risk factor for all this - though not often openly acknowledged. Im also premenopausal, though 54 now - another risk factor. My mother reached menopause at 58, then got diagnosed at 63, so not surprised its happened to me too ( she’s still fine at 81).
When I discussed stopping tamoxifen with my oncologist, she acknowledged that I was low risk/ benefit from it, and said that as ovarian suppression and AI’s, carry incrased cardiovascular risks, they would not be reasonable viable alternatives. Its a shame you’ve ended up down a path that makes you feel worse than the one you started on. I get also that you must feel a bit teased and cheated by the time in between feeling good, as it turned out the hormones were back. It just shows how hard it is to deal with the drop in hormones that treatment causes. Though a lot of focus is on chemo and radio effects, the hormone treatments can feel worse and are ongoing for years!! Yet back to work is an expectation. Hard to take if depression becomes a symptom, I know it did that to me - like a cloud hanging over me, it was like a physical block stopping me being myself.
If high risk of recurance, it must be such a minefield of what options to take, as no option is then a high risk - so not really a reasonable choice.
Talk to your team, they are best place to advise.
Thank you both 
I so appreciate the support and yes I will figure it out and do what is the best course of action for me both physically and mentally speaking but sometimes you just get tired of making those decisions. Growing old is a bitch. Yet I am getting that opportunity so I remind myself that there is so much to be grateful for amongst all the crap that comes with it.
If anyone can find a pathway through these dilemmas then it will be you Kay . Completely understand why you’re so fed up when all you want is a stable plan so that you can get back to living a life where you’re not thinking about it all the time . I can’t really offer any advice and I’m beginning to wonder if I may have a similar problem . Hope it helped to vent . Xx
After main treatment is over, the journey never really stops. Then will stretch years of wondering if a new symptom appearing is a result of past treatment, menopause, getting older, or in fact spread of cancer? You become an expert at matching the latest feeling to benign reasons. Probably a lot of things are just age related, and though you roll with it, you do have that extra niggling doubt that you have to deal with, that nobody who has gone through it needs to experience, and that in itself takes extra energy to ignore. After the grateful to be alive feeling wears off, you are left with a more tired version of youself - lol, that could also be put down to menopause or being older, who knows.
It did help to vent. Doing that to people that you know gets it always helps. Thank you