A year later

Hi just over a year ago my wife was told she had breast cancer. L ike most people I was shocked, upset, worried but supported her as much as I could and set my mind that it would all be fine.  She  had the cancer cut out and had radiation but not need any other treatment apart from the tablets. She was never ill  although she did get worn out easily and gets some arm pains  and still does.  The thing is she still says it is not over even though the last test gave the all clear and still worries which I understand but I set it in my mind once the lump had gone  the cancer had and she thinks I don’t understand. How do I show I do care  but Its hard for me when she as never been ill to  have the same feelings as her. Hope this makes sense.

Hi Dave

Welcome to the forum.  While you are waiting for other members to come along and offer you some support I thought our publication “In it together” might be of some help. I have attached a link:

www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/in_it_together.pdf

You might also find it helps to talk things over with one of our helpliners.  They are open from 10-2 today and 9-5 on weekdays.  The number is 0808 800 6000.

Very best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator

Hi Dave,

I am sure your wife is very glad of your support over the last year, and in some ways will be glad that you are able to be positive.

 

One of the things about cancer, and life after cancer treatment, is that it is an ‘invisible’ or ‘hidden’ condition and many people never look ill even if they have to undergo rigorous treatment.  Hard though it may be to understand, no matter how much we trust our consultants, it is no longer a given that we will stay well - the taken-for-granted future has been snatched from us and no matter how positive we are or how well we keep, there is always a shadow of fear, however faint.

 

All I can say is that the longer we stay well the fainter those fears become, and we become more confident in making plans further into the future.  Three years down the track from my own diagnosis (and the full Monty of treatment that followed) I am well, happy and healthy BUT there are odd wobbles and probably always will be.

 

I think the best way forward is to carry on as you are, supporting your wife, letting her express her fears and offering reassurances.  Cancer can severely damage our confidence - both in our bodies and in our selves, so we need lots of little positives to help us recover some of that.

 

I am sure there will be people with better answers along soon, but in the meantime just keep on keeping on.

Hi

Just a reminder to everyone not to mention the name of health professionals on the site but to exchange this information by pm.

Best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator