Hi all I just wondered if anyone could help me out My friend was diagnosed about 2 years before I was we both supported each other and it was so helpful to have her advice as she had been through all the chemo and radio before I had it.
She was diagnosed again about 1 year ago they found a few cell in her bones but did not act on it straight away now she has cell in her liver aswell. She is having chemo now every friday for 6 months I think at first she was told see would not need any chemo only radio, so I think she is a bit fed up as now it is every week.
I dont know anything really about secondary cancer. Can you please be honest with me what does the future hold for her if she has bone cancer and now it is in the liver?
I am going to see her next week to see how she is as on the phone she is always so upbeat I never really know deep down how she is feeling about it all, she is a single mum with 2 children one aged 14 and the other 18. I cant imagine how hard it is for them to see thier mother having to go through all this again. AHe said she feels ok just very very tired and that she is in pain and keeps falling over and things.
Love Clairemmx x
Hi Clairemmx
I can understand your worries about your friend and her secondary diagnosis. I am sure you will recieve plenty of support from other users, but, in the meantime, I have given here the links to our publications on the subject which you may find helpful at this time:
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/secondary_breast_cancer_in_the_bone_0.pdf
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/secondary_breast_cancer_in_the_liver_0.pdf
Kind regards
Louise
Facilitator
Hi Claire
Very sorry to hear about your friend and you must be worried about yourself as well. I have a friend who had BC 6 yrs ago and who touvh wood is ok and a friend who is newly diagnosed. Myself I was diagnosed in Feb 2005 and had secondary in 1 rib at diagnosis. Last Oct was diagnosed with extensive spread to spine, liver and lungs. I know that it is very difficult for my friends as it must worry them that potentially it could be them but there is no reason to think that. Hope I make sense.
Anyway to get back to your point. there are many women on this site who have had bone and liver secondaries for many years and live very active lives. the secret is to find the treatment that is right for them and that will keep the cancer stable. Your friend needs to tell the oncologist or the staff at the chemo unit about her pain and falling over.
Maddison
If its any help my liver mets where dx in 2005 and Ive got a great quality of life, lots of treatments but otherwise feeling fit and well!
I agree with maddison, your friend should mention her problems to the onc a simple dose reduction may be all thats needed.
Lots of luck to you and your friend
Sue xx
Hi Clairemm
I was diagnosed with spine mets in 2004 and had radiotherapy (not chemo) then 3 weeks after that found out that it had spread to my liver and had chemo (paxitaxol). Then in 2006 my liver was seriously compromised and I’ve been on a tablet form of chemo since September 2006.
I think taking your lead from your friend will help both of you - it’s not always easy knowing what’s the best way to be but maybe for her, at this particular moment, she needs to be upbeat (even if it’s only on the surface).
Pinkdove
Hi Claire,
I do hope this dosn’t sound patronising but you sound a Great friend and I know whatever you say and do will be right.
This will be really hard for you too but you’ll be amazed at what strength a friendship has.
I always tell whoever is listening not to put up with pain, not sleeping etc.
Go and see the GP that is what they are there for and can perscribe mediciacation to make things a little easier.
Best wishes to you both
Bikinggirl
Hi Clairemm
You asked us to be honest with you…well the truth is that its dificult to know what the future holds for your firend because cancer can be unpredictable and so much depends on how well her cancer responds to treatment. Secondary breast cancer is incurable…some women live a number of years after diagnosis (sometimes many years); some sadly die shockingly quickly…and everything in between.
I think pinkdove is right…take your lead from your friend about how she wants to be…and as bikinggirl says I think you should tell her that there is good pain relief which really can help her.
And yes you sound like a great freind.
very best wishes
Jane
Hi everyone just wanted to say a huge thank you for your help advice about my friend. I forgot how great this site was when I was diagnosed I use to be on it all day everyday and I made some great friends but as time went on I kind of felt I needed a break away from always thinking about having breast cancer. I hope to talk to some of you again soon it is so greta to have this site
Thank you Love Clairemm xx
Hi Claire
As breast cancer sufferers ourselves, friends with secondaries muddy the water. We want to support them (my friend like yours had BC before me and was diag with bone mets the same wk I got my initial diag). She was so strong for me, and I have tried to be there for her too.
Sadly she now has lung mets too and is generally unwell. In recent wks I have phoned, texted and emailed but got no reply. I think she doesn’t want me to see her looking so ill but as we arn’t communicating, I can’t tell her that I am fine about it and want to hold her hand, at least 1 more time. It is hard to judge how much the family want you there too. My friend was a work colleague and I never met her partner up until recently. It’s so hard to judge but I will keep trying and hope I catch her in and feeling well enough to take my call.
Good luck to you and your friend
Irene
Hi Irene
I have absolutely no idea what your friend is thinking etc, but just an idea - she may be just too tired and concentrating on her family to take a call, and when you have secondaries its just soooo exhausting explaining where you are to people and how you are dealing with things especially when you are really not feeling well. But having said that - it doesnt mean a call is unappreciated,I have had friends call and just leave a message saying thinking of you and thats nice,
Cathy
Hi everyone thank you for your messages. I saw my friend on Wednesday and even though it was great to see her I have found it very difficult since I saw her I have been feeling very down and keep wanting to cry. She looked very well and as always is being very positive but I just found it all so hard it brought up alot of emotions.
Her eldest son came along to who is 18 she has to boys the other is 13 I use to be very close to them and I now feel I have let them down as over the past few years I have not been there for them. The oldest son is finding it hard his mum wants him to talk to a councellor but he feels thereis no point in talking to a stranger who does not understand what he is going through. He told me he is terrified about the future and I just wanted to burst out crying.
I really want to support the whole family but I just found it really hard seeing them.
Once again thank you for your messages
Love Clairemm x x x