After a year of losing mum finally letting stuff out

Its been a year since i lost my mum to secendary breast cancer.it was 17years ago she was first diagnosed.bless her through surgary,chemo,radiotherapy and reconstruction she never moaned.i remember shaving her off when first fell out.cant belive after 16years we found she was ill again.but omg so much worse than we thought.she got in her bones, liver and everywhere else.we found out in may 2014 and she died sept2014.my heart sank as we saw her choking in hospital i haf to run for help.its the worst image of her i have and cant shake it.having kids i had to brave it alot and just starting to let stuff out after my best friends dad died resently.we have a cherry tree for her up at a friends farm she over looks a pond which was her favorate place.her ashes are there and we have laterns and wind chims. I cant help but think if she had full body scans instead of mamagram she might still be here(couldnt check breast with implant so was left unchecked.would like to post pics

Hi Steph, I too lost my mum in October 2014 to this vile disease. Like you I,ve been through a whole host of feelings and grief turned into severe depression. I,m getting help now which is a move in the right direction but she is on my mind from the second I wake up until I go to sleep. My mum left it too late to tell anyone about her breast lump and when she showed me it had come through her skin so no suprise that she was diagnosed with secondaries to the bones at the same time. She battled hard for 5 years and I took the last couple of months of her life off work as we knew we were running out of time and left my husband to his own devices and moved in with her to care for her until the end. I have her ashes in the house with me as I don,t feel able to part with them yet and like you I have those thoughts of what if but sadly it won,t bring her back. It,s still early days yet so don,t beat yourself up about it. You sound as though you have been an amazing daughter to her and she will always be in your heart just like my beautiful mum is in my heart xxxx

Hugs hang in there time really is A great healer. But you need to let yourself cry and let yourself grieve, and always remember you will always have the good and the happy memories of your Mum, no one can take those away from you. And all you have to do is look into your heart and she will always be right there with you. At least she is at peace now and pain free too. May she R.I.P. Thinking of you.