All the waiting is so hard

[princessleia29]

Hi all I am new to this forum, and I just wanted to let you know my story. I am still reeling from having breast cancer, and how fast some things move and how slow other things seem to take to come around. I found a lump in my left breast, and went to see my GP thinking she would say it was ok, she did not. She referred me to urgent appointments at the hospital. This was at the start of October. In two weeks I had mammograms/ultrasound and biopsy all at once, and it was confirmed two weeks after that. I really spiralled into so much worry, and because there is a history of cancer in my family, instead of the proposed lumpectomy I had a mastectomy and reconstruction offered. I was so scared but when it came to the operation (on the 10th November) I was ready and up for it as I wanted to get this thing out of me. 

The operation went really well, and I came home the next day with two drains in (they took a lymph node out) my compression socks on, and feeling like a whirlwind had hit me. Luckily I made a friend on the ward and we are still in contact now, she really made the whole experience more bearable for me when were not allowed visitors. The staff were amazing as well, my consultant gave me lots of confidence so I knew the operation would be ok.

The hard bit is now waiting for my next appointment on the 25th November to see what the full histology results are. I know it was a hormone driven cancer, and it was about 3cm, and I will at least need hormone therapy. I have also stopped taking my mini-pill now as advised. I am scared about what will happen next. They said in the ultrasound that they could not see anything in the lymph nodes, but I’m worried what this will show now. How do I stop worrying? I may need chemo/radiotherapy, but I don’t know until I see the consultant next week. 

I spoke to my breast cancer nurse today who was reassuring, and told me I can do this, I just feel that my life has been turned upside down in the last month and a half. My husband has been great at supporting me, and I’ve had lots of cards and flowers, but most of my family and friends live away from where we are. I was studying Physiotherapy at university (in Year 2) but I have had to stop attending my course for now, and I’m not sure what will happen with that. I hate all this uncertainty and worry. The one thing that has cheered me up a bit in all of this is my reconstruction is amazing, I will be having symmetry surgery later on. I will also have genetic testing, which is something I wanted before but I was told I was only moderate risk.

Sending hugs to anyone on this forum that needs one x

[tweenie]

Hello princessleia, 

I just want to send you lots of love, I am a little bit further on than you with my journey, I was diagnosed with hormone positive breast cancer in July this year I have since had a lumpectomy & I am on my 9th week of chemo which has been manageable so far.

The worst time for me & I think many other ladies is the waiting for results, i found that so hard & my anxiety was off the scale I was overthinking everything & was imagining all sorts of scenarios. 
However once you have your plan in place i think it will make you feel better, you can take back some control & if like me you will feel relief that you know exactly what needs to happen so that you can move forward. 
The support I have received from this forum has been invaluable, It’s so comforting knowing we are not alone, I have also called the helpline on here many times with any queries and even a bit of reassurance & they have also been amazing. 

I hope this time waiting goes it quickly for you, I tried to keep myself busy ( even though I was constantly thinking about it) I went for walks to try and clear my head, watched a lot of Netflix as a distraction & I also found it helpful to put on meditation/hypnosis music to try to relax before I went to sleep, I suppose it’s whatever works for you to try & distract your mind for a little bit. 

I also live away from my family & I think it does make it a little harder but you will get through it 

it will get better I promise xx 

[Caryl]

Hi Princess Leia

I am so sorry to you are going through this really worrying and difficult period and I hope you will get some solace from replies to your post.  I went through the same scenario as you in April and I absolutely agree that waiting for the histology results is the worst part and my mind went into overdrive.  I guess i am a lot older than you so my experience may not be relevant to you, but I do wish you all the luck in the world for 25th November.  Do ring the nurses on here or your BC nurses if you need to talk things over - they have so much knowledge and understanding.

xxx

[Eglis]

@princessleia29  @Sending an enormous hug to you too!
The waiting is definitely very hard.  I had to have three different types of biopsy so was in waiting limbo for a while.  My savior was yoga exercises … Adriene on you Tube.  It helped me momentarily to try to concentrate on something else.

I‘m now a year on and feeling so much better.  Life kind of goes on hold for a bit even though you’re ticking along. 
Wishing you all the very best!