Am I mad?
Am I mad? Hi everyone,
Am definitely losing the plot somewhere. Was very low and suicidal before Christmas (i know its wrong)did not feel life was for living anymore, could see no end to it all. Then pulled myself together (sort of) and asked for help, admitted I could not go it alone anymore. My BC nurse, Jean was wonderful, she arranged that someone from BC psychologist would see me urgently…even though it was during the Xmas holidays…true to her word someone rang me that day and arranged to see me today after my rads. Turned up for my rads on time then proceeded to outpatients to meet my shrink!!!..Guess what no one turned up…sat for well over an hour and was then told that no one knew anything about it and they were really sorry. I feel a bit let down even though Jean (BC nurse)went mad at them. Someone has now rang me and arranged an appt for next weds after my rads. I feel really let down at the moment and just wanted to let off steam. Good job I have not got a gas oven…lol…It feels like I have to go it alone for another few days. Thanks to everyone for being there…its a great help even just a few Cyber hugs and mirror hugs(Julie) help.
Elainexx
PS Whats the saying…You dont have to be mad to be here…but it helps!!!
Helpline Hi Elaine
It sounds like you’re having a really tough time at the moment. Please feel free to contact our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment.
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The team comes from a variety of backgrounds, so callers have an opportunity to talk to someone who has an understanding of the issues they’re facing. They are also able to talk about both technical and emotional issues surrounding breast cancer.
The helpline is available Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
I hope this is of help.
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You let off steam! Hi Elaine
Hi Elaine
After reading your posting I cried. I cried because I could relate to what you were saying. Things do get better. I can remember the time when people used to say that to me I would say to myself “oh, I’ve heard that all before” but I now know it does.
I can also remember when I was at a very low ebb (yes, suicidal) and I was in need of desperate help I was given an appointment to see a clinical psycologist. I travelled over 50 miles for an appointment only to be told he was off sick. This had a huge mental impact on me at the time. I can remember screaming and shouting “is my life that cheap” and all I wanted was a hole in the ground to open up and for me to fall into it. I still see a clinical psycologist but not the one that let me down. Not that it was his fault but they knew my phone no and there was no reason not to phone.
My advice to you would be to take all the help you can get. I’ve tried loads of things and although I haven’t really got a favourite, I have come a long way in nearly two years and feel that everything I have tried has helped in some way.
Take care.
Jeannie
hang in there Hi Elaine,
I hope you got the help you need, if not hang in tight and pray. I’ve been trying to get help for months.
Put my name down for help at a Maggie Centre, the person giving one to one support was away on holiday. When she came back the diary was at that page so my request was lost. I moved house and the local Maggie Centre recommend I see my doctor – who sent me there in the first place
I remember hiding in the hospital chapel and crying my eyes out because I’d had enough, I just wanted to die. Unfortunately the Chaplin came in and I felt bad so apologised profusely and ran away – perhaps if I’d stayed he could have helped. I was so down I thought I shouldn’t have entered his chapel.
You know what I’m still here, still sad. I feel I’m going through my own personal hell – most often alone.
Nearly all the support I have had – is from women on this and the other site.
The one thing that helps me is to just live now, no plans for the future, no looking back –and often I enjoy the now – I even have some fun.
Glo
Thank You HI Jeanie & Glo
Thanks a lot for your kind messages. Not had a bad day today, managed to get through with only crying once, pretty good for me.
I can relate to the Chaplin bit Glo…When i went for my second lot of rads i was early and just bottled it…could not go for treatment. Ran through the hospital looking for a way out, crying my eyes out, when I came across the chapel and just felt the need to be in there. The Chaplin was wonderful, just let me cry and get my feelings off my chest, listened and advised…I felt so good when I left there that I went and had my rads and have been going ever since. I felt positive and wanted to live. I have thought about going to my own church to see if i can find peace there as i am having difficulty find it alone.
Going to bed now as I have early doors Rads tomorrow…8.30am and it takes me an hour to get there.
Lots of love to you all,
Tomorrow’s another day…may it be good for all of us…
Elainexx