Am I missing the point?

After a routine mammogram and then an advanced check which included core biopsy of 3 ‘lumps’ I have been diagnosed with BC. I am booked in to have a wide incision op to remove these tumours and sentinel lymph node plus one other in 17 days time, followed by radiotherapy and reverse estrogen medication. I wasn’t told and didn’t ask about the type or size of tumours other than they are primary. I was told that if the margins etc weren’t clear they would have to do further surgery. Reading on here people are in a dreadful state after diagnosis and I think I’m missing the point. Breast cancer isn’t the killer it used to be, is it?

I’m 58 and single. I have stage 3 renal failure, since 2004, inoperable parasaggital meningioma since 2010, a heart attack February 2014. I’ve been asthmatic since childhood. Is it because I’ve had to deal with so many major issues that my BC isn’t phasing me? Or is there really something I’m not aware of?

Hi Jacey, 

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure some of our users will be along to share their experiences and show their support soon. 

In the meantime you can always use our Ask the Nurse service or call our helpline on 0808 800 6000, who will be able to talk you through any questions you have and offer a friendly ear. The opening hours are below:

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Best wishes, 


Hi Jacey, you have been through a lot haven’t you x. Breast cancer treatments have come on leaps and bounds and more and more are surviving and living longer with metastatic breast cancer, but, like all cancers it is sadly still a killer. I’m into my 10th year since diagnosed and touch wood I am still cancer free, but I know many who aren’t as lucky as me. Xx

Hi Jacey,


i agree that your previous experiences have probably made you more resigned, and possibly not as shocked as some other people are by a diagnosis of what, although often treatable, is still a very serious condition.


Also, some people, myself included, have been surrounded by cancer, and have seen happy, and very, very sad outcomes, so know how lives and families can be affected, emotionally, physically and financially, by this situation.  


Some people are also very young, and scared that it will be life limiting.  Everybody’s story is different.


if you are not phased, and feeling ok about it, and positive, I am very pleased for you, and hope that continues.  I’m sure you would join me in feeling sympathy and indeed empathy, for those who are shocked, scared and in serious need of support.  You’ve probably felt like that in the past, with all that you have clearly been through.


Be well


Jayne X

Your fab jacey - love that post …
Just hope your right Huns …
zena ( been in a complete state ) 75 xxx

Hi Jacey,
I found yours to be an interesting post. Before I was diagnosed I thought there were two types of breast cancer; early - cut it out and chemo = cure. Metastatic = couple of months. I completely blame the media for making it the fluffy disease and myself for my own ignorance.

The answer to your question is it depends. Fewer people do indeed die of it than they used to but not everyone gets lucky. It depends on so many different variables about your particular cancer. I truly wasn’t aware until I had it myself. Some people have a much more difficult treatment path than others as well so it just depends on where you personally fall on the spectrum. You may decide to learn more about it as you go on or you may not but with so much thrown at you already you’re obviously very strong.

Hi .its an interesting post .maybe cause you have been through so much you are a much stronger lady i honestly respect the way you are dealing with it .my bc diagnose 3 days ago has left me very up and down and im kinda just going through the motions .my major upset is cause i have a 12yr old son , he lost his dad 4half years ago and it floored him .there is just me and him at home so im not as strong i guess as i should or could be specially when i think of how it will effect him especially if anything should happen to me .i’ve had people die of cancer not all breast related , my aunt had it ten years ago and is still here .my eldest son had cancer when he was 7 now 26 but always lives with the fear he may get cancer in his older years .i guess it effects everyone differently …your one brave lady and and wish i could have that attitude .maria xx

Hi Jacey

You are so lucky to be in the mental place you are in. I hope your treatment goes well and as expected for you. I wish I could have that mindset, but sadly I find it difficult.

This diagnosis floored me, i am frightened of what his ahead and the upset it will bring on my family.

I have a husband and three children who depend on me. We all work as a team and support each other. My eldest child is in her final year at University, my youngest child is about to embark on his GCSEs. The thought that my illness could potentially damage their chances of achieving their dreams fills me with so much dread. They have worked so hard to be where they are today and I have been there to support them every step of the way. The treatment plan I am waiting for, could potentially jeopardize my ability to be there for them completely. I will always have another appointment or feel rubbish from treatment.

For now, I am at the start of the journey in an unknown territory, trying to find the positives in everything I do. I look with love at my children and am filled with so much pride in all they do. The thought that I am hurting them, hurts me. So no, you are not missing the point, just not experiencing the same things in life that affect many of the women on this site today.

Good luck with your treatment and I hope it all goes well for you.

Take care

Rachel x

Reading the posts here I feel such sadness for those going through a nightmare of fear. Like everyone I am concerned about all the possibilities, and I hope I didn’t come across as cold. Medically so much can be achieved these days.

Jacey , dont think anyone thought you were cold , it just effects people different 4 times i cried , at diagnose and when i told my sons and mum totally has broken me .started chemo last week and it has knocked me big time , ive been feeling very down and very poorly past couple of days and ive never been like that in the past .i hope your surgery went well .maria x

Chemo this week not last

Silverlady, Patriciamay, and others, thanks for taking the time to give your detailed replies. The simple answer to MY question seems to be that yes indeed I AM missing the point. I know many women who have had BC but only one has died as a result of it. Also I have been single with no family members for the last 15 years and I’ve forgotten how these things affect family. I feel ashamed, I’m sorry.

You should never feel ashamed of how you feel. Everyone is different and has a different attitude towards things.
My husband thought I was mad when I said to him I feel like a fraud as I’ve been told, so far, I won’t need chemo but only radiotherapy and I know there are lots going through worse than me. So when friends give me sympathy or offer kind words I feel like I don’t deserve them! If that makes any sense, lol.
Then sometimes I have a wave of panic and am so scared that I’ve been told I have BC.
Jacey you should feel and think whatever you want xx

Hi Jacey, sometimes it’s hard being different to others - the common response to this diagnosis is fear, uncertainty etc Like you I am pretty accepting, calm and matter of fact about the diagnosis (as I am in most areas of life). No, I don’t think you’re missing the point - we’re all different in our emotional response to things and I think it’s important to not feel weird or ashamed because you don’t or that you “should” have a particular response, just as people who do have a strong response shouldn’t be ashamed that they do. Annie