Am I normal.....

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Hello,
I am after a bit of reassurrance here everyone, cos I am feeling really silly and a bit of a woos actually…

Why is it I burst into tears everytime I get sent for an ultrasound scan when I am having to have something I find checked out?
I have just come away from the hospital today, after having to have a scan on my armpit , because I have pain and a lump there 2 weeks ago(i was dx with invasive dc 2004, bilateral mx, oopherectomy)

i had the scan this afternoon, the radiographer said all was OK, so why do I have to burst into tears? I feel so pathetic… did the same about 6 months ago, when I had to have a scan done for a lump i found over scarline. Told it looked like a slip of muscle, so guess what? burst into tears again.
Trouble is, it was the same radiographer, and i can see by the look on his face that i’m being pathetic, which makes me feel even worse!

Why can’t I just go in, have it done, not have to wear waterproof mascara everytime i have to go there, be composed?
Is anyone else like this?
XX

I now feel really silly, really pathetic, -it was 6 years since my diagnosis, so I feel that I really should be able to keep myself more composed- I am 46 yrs old, and really shouldn’t be doing this!
In fact, I seem to cry at the simplest thing, and worry about absolutely everything-anxiety city, thats me…

Does anyone else feel like this? I’m sorry to post this, just feel I should have a better grip on things really, not burst into tears.

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I feel exactly the same…don’t be so hard on yourself. I was dx 4 years ago and can relate to what you said totally…it’s because we live in fear of repeating the whole damn experience again. If we are left alone without any hospital/dr visits we can just about cope but when we find anything dodgy we know we have to have it checked out but it puts us in a state of pure terror.

I don’t really have an answer Happy Shopper except that it’s nice to talk on here to people who understand…and I honestly do. I don’t think there is a normal way to respond to all this, we are all different and we are what we are.

Try not to be too harsh on what you perceive you ‘should’ be like and aren’t cos it just adds to the pain…talk to me whenever u want to.

Sheana x

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Some of us react more emotionally than others, to anything and everything!
Relief at not finding the lump is bad - cry buckets. Fear that the results might be dodgy - cry buckets. Angry because someone has been nasty to us - cry buckets. Happy when it’s a lovely spring day - tears in the eyes.
And it’s so difficult to get other people to understand that you really do feel that emotional about almost anything, when they seem to go through life so calmly.
Sarah x

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Hi happyshopper,

think we all feel scared when we find something we are not sure about. I know I do.

we “spoke” a long time ago when a friend of yours was going through a very difficult time with her husband. Is she ok ? Have thought about her many times and wondered how she is.

Karen x

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If that is your criteria for not being normal then there are at least two of us suffering that same abnormality as I burst into tears of relief too at, it seems, every given opportunity. Go with it, let it out, tests are so stressful you need to release the nervous energy! And sod the radiographer if he looks at you funny, his problem
not yours.

Vickie
xxx

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YES you are completely normal. some of us cry easily & some don’t - It’s probably like sneezing, coughing or any other reflex action - your body just reacts to emotional things & this IS emotional. some things resonate for a long long time & the expereince of having the scan done probably triggers your memories of what you went through before so no wonder it makes you cry.

Is there anyone else you could talk to about it as if the crying itself is causing you more distress then maybe talking it through with maybe a counsellor may make you see that it is OK to react like this

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go ahead and cry! Maybe it’s just relief?
I don’t know about you but I have spent so long being strong, brave, an inspiration etc etc - sometimes a good cry can be a release of the many pressures of life (with or without BC)

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Yes, you are as normal as me. After every appointment I cry - I seem to hold it together in the hospital building but as soon as I’m in the car in the carpark I “collapse” or if I’m on the bus I head for a loo first!! I have always been a “crier” so have come to accept after 58 years that is just “me” and that it’s a positive way of coping with stress - and this is all stressful whether it’s good or bad news we get at an appointment. I find the week between my CT scan to check on what is happening and appointment with results seem really tense - tomorrow I get results so it’s building up already…

Thinking of you all and thanks for sharing and caring - if you cry with a doctor don’t worry - we are only human and emotions can’t always be controlled.

Fran

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I had 2 scans and an xray last week - cried all the way through the CT scan imagining the worst, was then fine for the xray, especially as I got to have a good look at the film and it seemed ok to my non-expert eye. Then I cried all the way through the bone scan as I was in agony with a bad shoulder that had to be positioned in such a way as to maximise the pain, and then had to hold it for 10 minutes! Different hospitals at least, staff brilliant in both. Actually got confused and initially went to the wrong hospital for the bone scan - realised as soon as I got there, then cried all the way in the car to the other hospital, which was only 15 minutes away thank goodness - I have no idea why that upset me so badly, it was only a minor hiccup and nobody cared except me.

Yesterday I went for the results - completely dry eyed, didn’t shed a single tear. Bizarre. I’m not sure I know what normal is any more!

finty xx

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Frances - hope it’s good news tomorrow x

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