Am I normal?

I was recently diagnosed with BC on 18 November, I am 50 years of age, fit and active, never smoked, eat well etc, etc. I have had a couple of visits to the hospital and have been sent for various scans.  My consultant and breast nurse have told me that the cancer is small and will be removed in about 4 weeks, but in the meantime I have to commence taking hormone treatment.


I am not in denial but my way of dealing with things is just to get on with it.  I have continued at work as normal and told only a very small amount of people.  I’ve got Christmas to look forward to and am busy planning for that.  I have 2 small grandsons who take a lot of my time and keep me busy. I’ll take things as they come.


I keep being asked if I’m ok, if I’ve accepted things yet, if I’m prepared for the outcome? , If I’m ready for treatment?  Yes is my answer to all of these and more.

Why am I feeling like this? is it normal?



Hi whatthehell

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site who I am sure will be along soon.

In the meantime I have put for you below links to some of BCC’s publications which I hope you find helpful.  Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away if you need to talk to someone in confidence away from family and friends.  0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2.

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

Of course it’s normal - we all approach this beastly condition in the way we know works best for us!!!

I told only one person about my diagnosis, she lives 5 hours away, and that was deliberate - i just wanted someone I could rant at and let off steam. I didn’t want advice or ‘sympathy’ or anyone ‘popping round with a little casserole for the freezer’ or patting my hand - next thing they would be asking about flowers for funerals!!!

I told everyone that the nasty bits had gone once the clinic told me NED, and that was fantastic. So you  carry on dealing with it YOUR way, and blow everyone else. Yes some folk will be offended you don’t want to discuss it, or don’t want them running round after you, however YOU are the person with BC and you have the absolute right to handle it YOUR way.

That was March 2010, age 62, and I know it was the best way for me. Perhaps it would have been different if I had a partner at the time or children…

And 5 years later I’m fit and healthy and coming to the end of the tablets, so I can move on to the next stage in my life thanking god for the NHS.


Hi what the hell, like you , I feel like well I have to get on with things, can’t control what’s happening and just deal with things. Its three weeks since my lumpectomy, and hoping to start radiotherapy soon, dont feel ill and don’t feel like I’ve had cancer! I’ve been very positive and just got on with things, and I’ve felt is this normal to react this way! I suppose everyone deals with things differently and it does help to be positive, so don’t worry about the way you’re feeling, you deal with it in a way that’s right for you. Take care and stay positive xx

Hi ladies,  I just had a complete melt down cos everyone says, if people offer help, say yes. And suddenly it was like mobilisation of an army. So I called a friend with better skills and got her to pass on the message.  Im not sick, im tired but I have a perfectly useful man and I would like us to work through this together without someone popping in to do my laundry or polish the ornaments. 

It felt odd to say it, but I even asked my extended family just to let us be and get on with it ourselves.


I say we all get through this our way,  lots of people know about me, its a small tight knit town,  I thought I would need help. But now I find we are just fine. I may feel differently after surgery on friday but I doubt it

Its your fight, theres no wrong way.

There is a logical progression to how we recieve treatment and it takes it own time too. If you’re naturally practical you probably dont feel like panicking. 

Its your bc experience no one elses.




I totally totally understand.
When I thought it was lump removal and radio I was going to tell no one apart from husband, children and parents.
Unfortunately I am going to have to have chemo so that has had to change as my appearance might change. I wish I could lock myself away for 6 months and appear out the other side ‘normal’. Not practical unfortunately as have a business to run.
I am telling people on a need to know basis and swearing them to secrecy…
You do it your way and tell who you want to know.
It is your BC and you come first!
Excellent attitude to have.
Magpie x

I am the same, I feel like I am carrying on when all around me are falling apart. At times I’ve felt like saying its me who’s got it not you!! I asked my step-sister who has been through the same if I was not taking it seriously enough, her reply, Don’t take it seriously treat it like you’ll beat it and you will!!


Sam xx


Hi Sam, sorry to read your post, you are very welcome here and I am sure you will find the support you are looking for

In addition, our helpliners are on hand for you with a listening ear, practical and emotional support so please feel free to call. Lines open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

Here’s a link to further support ideas from BCC including our ‘Someone like me’ telephone or email support service which I hope you will find helpful:

Take care
Lucy BCC

Wish I’d seen a thread like this when I was diagnosed with BC in May this year! I wondered if I was some sort of freak in the way I coped.


Ladies - great minds think alike! I took the attitude too that nothing could be changed so best just deal with things as they come up, take a day at a time, and focus on my medical team’s (positive) assessment. I too thought I was in denial - thought I’d collapse in a quivering heap a few weeks later when reality struck. But seven months on and - nope - nothing. I’m out the other side, counting my blessings.


There really is no “normal” way to deal with this. Just what ever feels right to you. And it’s YOU and how you feel that matters!


I hear you about other people! If it ever happened to me again (God forbid) I would arrange someone to help my amazing husband cope with the practicalities of my care for the week or so post surgery, maybe tell a close friend of two who “gets it”, and leave the rest till it’s over.


Whatthehell I get totally what you mean about feeling “embarrassed” - I hated the cards and flowers, the sickly “keep smiling” messages (smile about WHAT precisely?!), the sympathetic glances, and the “handholders” (don’t even get me started on them!). But worst of all - the gossips - and the ones who made it all about them.


Interesting seeing how different people cope with friends/relatives with a cancer diagnosis … some real suprises there I must say  …


And yes please mine’s a Sauvignon too :slight_smile:


Best of luck to you all. You’re doing great.


Greenleaf x



Think the question here is “What is normal?”
As many have said, I think it’s what works for you that’s your normal!,
When I was diagnosed I had just returned from a few days in the sun so was looking very well, this seemed to confuse the hell out of people ?
Even now 4 days post left mx I have been told I look really well, I’m just not one of those peoples that look gloomy and down. I try to keep on smiling come what may.
So here’s a few smiles for you all, take care, keep fighting and being normal?!

Hi all, glad there are so many like minded people who just want to get on with it!  had another appointment today to discuss results of an earlier scan, Good News all ok!  Was given the date for my operation would you believe it 23 December??  I politely declined, as mentioned earlier I have 2 new grandsons and there was no way I was missing out on thir 1st Christmas.  Consultant had a wee chuckle and said he wished more of his patients were like me.  I know circumstances alter cases and everyone is different but I’ve found great strength in being true to myself.  The handholders have their place but not in my life, 1 0r 2 people have actually told me to start taking things a bit more seriously!! would you believe it!


Good luck all and keep posting, this positivity certainly rubs off.


I may have to have another large Gin & slimline just to celebrate being amongst normal people.  ( partners and husbands included)



Haha I told my mum that she couldn’t come to my wig appointment unless she stopped crying because she was driving me bloody mad!! Felt like I was fine but all around me were falling apart, and thats not right!!

I’m not taking it seriously because by this time next year it will be all over

Sam xx

Hi Everyone - I was first diagnosed in June - did not find any such clear thinking threads as this then!

Much of the system sucks. The diagnosis sucks. Being awake when you want to be asleep sucks. But this is where we are at…

There are so many ‘right’ ways to handle all this stuff, and it is fantastic that you are finding ways that are right for you - we each have to trust our own self-understanding and find our own path - and (eventually for some of us) - accept this is where we are at and can actually only find/make our own way forward thru the nightmare.…

Some folk wake and rant and scream at nightmares. Some demand everyone else distract them from the experience. Others need to hide. Some need to weep and may be inconsolable for a time. Others of us curse, turn over and get on with it. …

Thanks Be that we CAN handle it. It IS “do-able”. And it is great to find folk you can identify with for a bit of company along the way… Sadly for all of us for none of us want to be here… not did our partners…

Thank you for being here. Thank you ALL for posting here. Thank you that I could visit. Stay YOU. Become MORE YOU. Beat it in any way you choose - because WE CAN! x

Been a wee while since I’ve posted due to broadband problems.  Anyway I’ve now had my surgery and although the tumour was slightly larger than first thought and had travelled slightly into the lymph glands, no further surgery is required! hooray!  I’ve also been told that I had tubulor cancer which is a rare form of breast cancer but very much treatable and great success rate.


I have had a couple of further visits to the hospital and it has been decided that Radiotherapy and the hormone treatment will be sufficient for my treatment.  I am due to start the radiotherapy within the next 3-4 weeks.  This will last about 4 weeks as I have to have a boost to the affected area.


I hope everyone was able to enjoy at least some part of Christmas and that you all have great hope and positivity for the new year.  I hope you all have had some good news since I’ve last been on.


Cheers to all.


I feel this way too,it seems to happening to someone else not me. as i feel so healthy, My only other illness has been an emergency op for fibroids 7 years ago, emergency  cause  i ignored bleeding and i was very ill,  but i got over it really quickly and have been fine ever since.  Then this, My friends are lovely , but they do tend to say how are you, but i dont feel any different, i feel just like me. I dont want to tell lots, though, only a few close friends as ive no partner or kids  but unfortunately cause one of my closest friends got really upset when i told her what i had at work and i worked at same company for years, before i retired,  more know than id want to, as she broke down at work. Bless her i know its cause she cares and shes been fantastic to me but i do kind of wish less people knew, Her manager who knows me wanted to come round and give me “[pep talk,” i declined !.Im still me, i dont want to be a “sick person” that will make me feel worse. i dread becoming a" little old lady"which i am definitely not. Another thing for me is one of my oldest friends, whos family has the gene, has just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer with cells in her lung.  They would never test her as her ,mum lived to over 80 and didnt have it unlike all other family members,  dreadful in my opinion . It seems amazing we both have cancer . her operation will be much worse than mine, another reason i want to still feel like me, we tend to text, not phone as we both get upset, she liv es 30 miles away  so will have treatment elsewhere to me, june