if my main concerns to date (having been diagnosed late Wednesday afternoon) are:
How to hang onto my breast
How to hang onto my hair
The ageing effects of chemo
The impact on my relationship/ sex life
(and obviously how it impacts my friends and family)
Apologies if anyone finds this borderline offensive - I possibly have a different take on things because I don’t have children. Obviously it’s all about survival but for me it’s about the quality of life post survival and I’d rather not have to cope with a reconstructed breast and growing all my hair from scratch. Clearly all of this may be taken out of my hands but these are the things that concern me more than the rigours of chemo and surgery. Would be interested to hear other people’s views…
I would say your reactions are totally normal. Welcome to the club, by the way. When we are faced with the unnown we focus on the known, and that is very often be the whole keeping the hair/breat/relationship. When I went for my first appointment after the first biopsy all I could focus on was that I didn’t want to be lopsided. The poor surgeon had to guarantee that if I wasn’t close to even after the surgery he would even them up.
I don’t know what your diagnosis is, so I don’t know if you are losing any breast or hair, and… well… the relationship is a whole other thing, and if he doesn’t want to stick around, you’ll always have US.
I remember when I was first diagnosed my initial question after they told me my treatment plan was will I have well enough to start bowling again the following April. The surgeon looked at me and said I think you have bigger fish to fry than that, to which I replied, Oh no I dont. She happily told me that based on my treatment plan I should be able to resume again early in 2017, and I was.
CherryBakewell it is really early days for you at the moment and you will be going through a whole gambit of emotions so just give yourself a bit of time and space to take it all in.
Hi Cherry
Welcome to the forum.
The thoughts you are having are very normal. Most of us have probably experienced those very thoughts, even though we might not admit it!
It was very important to me, to be able to come to the end of the treatment, looking as much like myself as possible. Therefore I chose to have a lumpectomy ( was lucky enough to be able to do that) so that with a supportive bra on, I look the same to the outside world.
I had chemo and lost most of my hair, but now some time after, it has grown back. Choosing to cold cap will help with hair loss. But ultimately, we do have to choose between wigs or scarves.
These are all things that go through our head at the start. It is overwhelming. However, take one day at a time and then one treatment at a time.
There will be lots of ladies on here, who are going through the same as you, so you can all support each other.
Sending a hug.
Sue xx
Hi Cherry,
Crikey that google is a beast, best not prodded I think & chemo is central to good outcomes if it’s needed & you’ll cross that bridge if you come to it.
ann x
CherryBakewell!
I have all the same thoughts as you! My hair is my pride and have coloured, washed and blown frequently(my hairdresser does a good price) as I work long hours in my own business and organise many charity events so it’s my pamper time along with massage and reflexology!
My skin routine has to be done every morning and night with serum and face cream and eye cream!
I cannot sleep without moisturizing my whole body after a shower! I’m dreading it will become thin and haggard!
On the sex side, I’ve cooled it off with my date as one less thing to worry about! We didn’t live tog anyway.
I am just wanting the chemo to start and now have date Sept 4th!
Thinking of cutting my hair shorter first, then trying cold cap for one session first! My hairdresser is sorting wig for me and making it look like ME!
I’m hoping to be in work as much as I can through chemo (which may be a dream) which involves serving people so will need it as don’t want shocked or sympathetic looks! Or as if I’ve got a contagious disease! Been looking in the mirror and pushing my hair back to imagine what I’ll look like bald:) Think I’d look alright with make up and a pair of nice ear rings but I think I will need the wig!
Already stocked up on creams, serums, masks etc and had my semi permenant eyebrows done! How vain am I!!!
CK.xx
You are not shallow. The first thing I asked my surgeon when I was given my diagnosis was would I be able to have reconstruction if a mastectomy was needed. He didn’t hesitate to say yes and I certainly didn’t feel judged for asking. My experience is that the NHS considers this a very important part of the treatment for your mental as well as physical health.
I’m a curly haired gal as well. Tried the cold cap but I lost too much and looked like a monk so shaved it all off. And now I’m so glad I did. I love my new shorter hair which suits me far better than it did before treatment. I look at old pics of me now and wonder why I kept it in the old style for so long as it really aged me. I actually quite enjoyed the lovely headwear I bought during chemo and still wear some of them now when it’s cold.
As for skin, mine improved through chemo! Even though I was 51 at diagnosis it was still pretty oily. The chemo dried it up quite a bit so it was a real bonus. I don’t feel that it’s had any long-term effects now I’m out the other side.
I won’t pretend that it was all a barrel of laughs and there are a few lingering side effects that are irritating rather than really troublesome but what I will say is I am happier now than I was before because I no longer sweat the small stuff.
Sorry, I hope this post doesn’t come across as all me me me but serves to illustrate that your concerns are totally normal and your fears about looking awful are not necessarily going to come to pass.
You sound like you have a good sense of humour (so you will fit in really well here :smileyhappy:) and that you have a smashing partner. You are going to be just fine.
Don’t let my cold cap experience put you off. There are plenty of people here who have had good success with it as you will no doubt find out as you explore these boards more. xx
Hi Cherry
I most certainly don’t have Scouse eyebrows, lol! Very natural as burst strokes as I don’t have many eyebrows and always had to pencil on (never matching either) A local lady with a very good rep has done them and I am so pleased with them! At first they were darker but healed now and very natural. I have dark hair with copper streaks (which will all be going soon!
My hairdresser said to get some coconut oil which is like a wax and turns to oil with with with hands to put on scalp it bald as it prevents infection and keeps nice and smooth! So will get some. Gonna cut hair shorter first, step by step!
I still can’t help chuckling at your Scouse brows definition, but just won’t be able to have the big curlers!!!
Haha Cherry
You strike me as a very funny lady and tour posts make me smile!
I wasn’t offended! It made me laugh! Cheered me up! There are many very talented ladies around where I live but I feel some people can go too far with the big lips and facial skin that can’t move!
Yet, some will probably wonder why we have our eyebrows done but they are the one thing I needed done before I lose my hair and so glad I did!
Now to decide about the hair bit! Have wig sorted but the decision is whether to cut hair shorter and try cold cap…or go straight for the shave??
Good luck with the research. You have probably already found the thread in Going Through Treatment - Chemotherapy section entitled “Cold Cap - Did it Help You Keep Your Hair” or similar. Quite a few success stories on that. Several of the Community Champions here had good success with it and several of the people I got to know on my chemo unit all kept a considerable amount of hair too. I believe it’s all about getting a really good fit.
I don’t think it’s to do with cost so, on this occasion at least, we can’t blame Mr Hunt. I think even if you go private the drugs cause hair loss.
Talking of Jeremy, when I had my first surgery, the last thing I remember was having a rant with the anesthetist about him. Good distraction tecnique as it stopped me being too scared.
Hi Cherry
Haha, Ceremy Hunt!! I may move away from cold cap now since a discussion with my daughter last night…but it may still change yet again. Quite fancy different wigs.xxx
Hi Cherry
A few reasons but the main one being I want to be control! Cold cap is 50/50 still and an extra 2/3 hours on top of chemo and I think that might drag on a bit for me and still could lose my hair.
Another is my friend is shaving his head to raise for Macmillan Nurses for me and for the past 15 years I have fundraised for Christies, McMillan and many cancer related centres near me so why not kill too birds with one stone! Also there are the ones who know what Im going through which I don’t mind but there are still the ones who don’t and are gossips so will let them think I’ve just done it for that! I know it should matter what people think and it’s not as if I’ve got a contagious disease but it’s how I feel myself so at the moment it’s cut it short next week and then shave b4 chemo. Rhat, could still change but the wig and hates are a deffo to get in as either way I could still lose it all! I don’t think I could sytnad having bald patches here and there and finding hair on my pillow or in my hands when washing so would rather have it all off! Also there is still a chance I get some new curly dark coloured hair instead of my grey straight hair,lol!!!
Hi Cherry
Ah, same neck of the woods then! Haha, our personal chauffeur, cook, make up artist seems more real now…and yes our walk in wig cupboard!
Yes, it’s wise to get one anyone as cold cap still could be 50/50! I went to Maggie’s Centre today, have you been?xx
Hi Cherry
It could be if you make us of the classes. I will go to yoga and mindfulness classes if have the time and signed up for Look Good Feel Better class! They also have drop in counselling sessions. I also got a free hat which I will probs just wear at home!
They also have a garden with lots of herbs and you can pick them and bring them home.xx
This thread has made me feel so much more positive. Full of wonderful women refusing to let this horrible experience change them. I was told this Tuesday that it is ‘highly likely’ I have BC. I am waiting for the results of my biopsies (breast and under arm)… which I won’t get until the 7th of September. Waiting to know is hell. I’m thinking the very worst one minute, and then desperately trying to be positive the next. This conversation has given me much more hope that I can at least remain myself throughtout this, whatever happens. My view as to regards treatment is that I’ll just take whatever the hell they can offer me and deal with the consequences.
