Anastrozole, libido - and I've done a silly thing

Hi all, I had my mastectomy 26 months ago and have since been on anastrozole. I feel really well, ok - hot flushes are a pain a times and aching joints a nuisance but overall I’m doing good. Before BC I was on HRT and testosterone implants for several years but obviously these screeched to a halt the second I was diagnosed. They were very happy supplements ensuring a feeling of being thirty something ! (I’m 66.)   


For a while I had ups and downs, reeling from the shock of cancer, surgery and coming off hormones mixed with a positve mood of having it all behind me, enjoying such closeness from family and support from friends and in many ways, feeling better than I had for some time. Our love life continued although without my surge of hormones, it became tickover and non-urgent. Fine. At 66 after 43 years of marriage we were happy to slow down a bit. He was so kind, patient and caring it seemed ungrateful not to respond, so where libido lacked - I faked my pleasure. Again, fine. But now, 26 months down the road, my libido is totally non-existent; my clitoris has little more sensation than my little toe and all the patience and kindness in the world cannot evoke a sexual response from me. There just isn’t any to be had.  Now for him to know this would be cruel and enormously disappointing for him …he can understand my slowing down and occasionaly not needing an orgasm, but I simply can’t bring myself to tell him that I NEVER have one anymore, nor am I likely to ever have again - so I fake it. If I didn’t, he’d possibly try for hours and I think I would up sore and nauseated. We often use a vibrator as he knows I need ‘extra help’ but between you and me, even that doesn’ work. (Too much information, but I once tried this on my own and it DID work, but it was a physical reaction - neither pleasant nor unpleasant but certainly not sexual.)


In my head now, it’s becoming an issue. If I have permission from somewhere that my ‘lies’ are understandable and okay, I might carry on. But a bit of me feels guilty … yet what can I do? I can’t tell him I fake it. Yes, I know the closeness is what matters - and it does. But I’m absolutely sure closeness alone wouldn’t make him feel sexually happy… and he deserves to feel sexually happy. He’s the bestest husband ever. Has anyone else experienced this problem?


I do feel better telling you. A secret shared is a secret halved etc… thanks for listening. love Cherry X


Hi CherryH

Whilst you are waiting for the other users to reply with their support you might find it helpful to talk things through with a member of staff on the BCC helpline.  Here you can share your thoughts and feelings with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information.  The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open weekdays 9 to 5pm and Saturday 10 to 2pm.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator 

I wrote this post ages ago and never got any replies but thought I’d post it again because I’m sure I can’t be the only one withthis problem.


Quite simply - it’s zero libido. I have absokutely none. I love my husband of 43 years sooooo much and he doesn’t know I have zero libido because it would terribly confuse and upset him. So I pretend I have much less (rather than zero) and we tick over.


Anyone else have this problem? I do wonder if when I finish anastrozole a little feeling may come back - but if it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Hey - I’m still here!  love CherryH x

Hi Cherry I was wondering if lack of libido starts even before the bedroom? I felt a bit as if the world and his uncle had seen me naked from the waist up. Have you tried feeling more sexy by having a new outfit or lingerie or pair of heels or make up? For me sex is a such in my head as in my lady bits. Despite being the wrong side of 50 I practice Burlesque dancing which makes your whole body feel so sexy. Your body has been thro trauma over the last 2 years …After having a baby the thought of sex again is a no no - but eventually it comes back. Just don’t give up for both your sakes xx