Great post spookymoo-I can so identify with you.
I had a dreadful time after FEC 3-just discovered today that I’m quite severely anaemic (as in borderline transfusion) so that can’t have helped. I also did the ‘I can’t believe how well I’ve been’ after 2 FEC’s and the 3rd bit me hard on the bum! Such is life x
Hi Sukiem. FEC 3 was EVILLLLLL. Big old hairy chemo dog bit me in the bum too!. Literally the evening I had it I felt dreadful and been feeling dreaful ever since. Beginning to think I will never feel well again! Chemo sucks man. Really sucks x
I knew during my 3rd Fec infusion that I’d be ill and I had all the s/es vomiting, ulcers, fatigue etc. And also horrible bone pain.
Weirdly I feel great today after my 1st tax-it must be the double dose steroids. I went on a spending spree and struck up countless conversations with bemused strangers-my mum had to take my cash card off me and tell me to lower my voice! No doubt I shall go hurtling into a pit of despair on sat when I’m off the roids.
I also wondered if I’d feel well again. Usually i’d get a bit better each day but after last FEC it just didn’t happen. Check if your HB levels are ok-mine were pretty low which I think added to the lousy feelings. Take care xx
I have found tax a bit more bearable for SEs - no sore mouth or ulcers (which was good!), no feeling nauseous, no constipation ( been a bit more regular on Tax but do take Senna ervery day!). But there are negatives - fatigue has ramped up a bit and the bone pain / aches really finding debilitating and getting me down. Also find sleeping at night difficult as have really bad night sweats and hot flushes - which are also marvellously appearing during the day too! I shiver and shake, take my hat off, put it on, take it off again, get up to take pain relief, have a wee and start all over again. I probably only average 2 hour blocks of sleep. so making up for it a bit during the day - had a lovely 3 hour nap today - bliss! Have had low BP - GP took it last week and said it was very low - 124/58. Told oncologist and she said “oh that’s not low its fine” and waved it aside as completely irrelevant. Have no idea what my blood count is this time round It was 1.18 last time and borderline but was given 5 days worth of G-CSF to boost counts (which added to the pain!). But this time did bloods just before onc and she sent me home without the count coming in and said they would phone if a problem. That was on Wednesday. No phone call so phoned and left 2 messages today - no call back. So I presume that the fact they haven’t called must mean they are ok! But annoyed as also wanted my tumour markers which I still haven’t been give results of! Angry!!! Also told onc about dizzy spells and random moments of falling over - she said that was normal too and nothing to worry about - next time I stand up and want to fall over I will try and aim for a soft landing like an oncologist - perhaps they will take me seriously then! I am a bit heavier than I used to be as well so would be rather unpleasant for them. Just as the whole chemo thing is for us!Sorry, have found I am rather more grumpy on the tax too - perhaps that is a good thing - means I still have my fighting spirit. I find I am frequently given to Victor Meldrew type outbursts - mainly aimed at my long suffering hubby! Good to hear your first Tax went well. I wasn’t too bad until about day three - then I had a really bad week - followed by a couple of good days - but last week has been pretty hard gpoing and struggle some days to get out of bed - but refuse to give in so do get up - just moan about it though - think everyone must be so sick of my moaning! Sounds like you are having a similarly rough time. Thinking of you. Wish I could say it will get better - I am sure it will - other people seem tohave no probs o it all - we must be the lucky ones. 
My onc did say the worse you feel the better it’s working -so all I can say is it must be working REAL good! Take care and hope you find the rest of the TAX bearable. PM if you want - its always good to have a rant and vent and blow off steam. B&*%r being positive I say! Rest and take it easy when you can, and good luck with SE’sI hope the pain minimises for you too. Hugs
Ah thanks spookymoo. Your posts have made me laugh and nod in agreement at the same time-you have clearly a sense of humour about it all!
With regards to sleep you might want to procure some zopiclone from your onc prior to falling on him/her (accidentially of course). I take half a 7.5mg tab and they work a treat. I also use voltarol and tramadol for pain-my onc believes in prescribing!
Also I’ve realised that in the murky chemo world blood results have to be pretty low before they delay treatment. I only found out that my HB levels were almost low enough to have a transfusion as I queried it. Keep posting and big hugs to you too xx
Gosh can I borrow your onc - my onc(s) (different one every time) are terrified to get their prescriptions out - have asked several times for stronger pain meds but to no avail. My GP got me some coedeine but it didn’t really work - made me really constipated and hours of sitting straining and going blue in the face and grunting (I looked and sounded like a weird kind of chemo zombie!) didn’t help - so stopped taking them. Just keep topping up the Nurofen and the Paracteomol. I think I must rattle when I walk (as well as huff, puff, moan, fall over, parp (oh yes- chemo parps aren’t they great), sweat and limp about!) Glad you like my sense of humour - some people soooo don’t get it - I was joking about it to a mum at school pickup the other day - and another lady overheard and said “Do you think its appropriate to joke about such a thing. How insensitive!” I would have whipped off my hat but didn’t want to frighten the little ones. No one knows what its like unless you are going through it - and even then we all have to deal with it differently and we all have different SE’s - so I say each to their own. You have to deal with it the best way you can or you will go totally mad (think that this may already have happened as chemo fog has tipped me over the edge!) Anyway bath and to my bed - doubt I will sleep - but at least I can lie there and think dreamy thoughts of Jeremy Renner - a girls’ gotta live you know! Take care and hope you are all good on TAX. I have next one tomorrow - yippe - can’t wait!!! - so will probably post a boring post about how it was in the next day or so. Wouldn’t it be fun if I turned up at hospital tomorrow - and I have a dishy man giving out the chemo (I am bald everywhere and would love to flash my brazilian at someone!), with champagne and choccies, and then a make over and real hair suddenly grows back, and my weight disappears and all is fixed, tumours and cancer disappear and no more chemo or any other treatment? Yeah dream on. It will be the same boring old chemo. Works for me though! Hope you have a good weekend and the TAX is kind to you - do not get on the TAX truck - don’t recommend it! Take care and sending big hugs. Em x
Hello September ladies,
I’m just touching base to say hello really.
I keep intending to respond to individual comments, but then the conversation has moved along before I get around to feeling up to sitting at the computer…
I just want to say I do read your messages, and I laugh along with you, and moan along with you too. Well done everyone for sticking it out despite all that it throws our way. Keep going, you are all doing great.
Apologies for this message being added to the August list too, but I follow both and enjoy all the messages (my 1st Chemo was the last day of August so I fall into both groups!)
June
Welcome back June and good to hear from you.
Em, get thee back to your onc or GP and insist on proper pain meds. I know what you mean about chemo parps (my guided meditation session earlier this week was severely marred by my trying to hold one in for the sake of the group). I use humour as a bit of a coping strategy and think chemo has made me even more potty mouthed than i was before.
Good luck for tomorrow-you are nearly there now x
You’re not the only one sneaking into both threads, June. I started 29th August and won’t finish until January. Still have surgery to come, as well.
Also wanted to mention that codeine doesn’t work for everyone. Some people aren’t able to princess it.
Hello all - I love the thought of princess codiene sdfmeg! Talking of which, think someone must have stuck a pea under our memory foam mattress since tax because I just can’t get comfortable. It’s definitely been worse for me than FEC. Think it’s the cocktail of effects rather than each one individually - terrible thrush in every orifice, sore palms and soles of feet (palmar plantar I’m told), aching joints, muscles spasms, diarrhoea, constipation, no sense of taste, moan moan moan…feel like an old lady. My idea of a good day now is being able to walk to the shops and back.
Still, it was my birthday yesterday and managed to have a reasonable day in the end - cinema (excellent film, THe Sapphires), restaurant meal and cake (couldn’t really taste the last two but the thought was good) - even if it started with an early morning row in which I told OH I wanted to divorce him and no he couldn’t come to the hospital with me because I didn’t see the point of him coming if he wasn’t going to behave himself (we’d spent the previous night in A&E due to me having a bit of a temperature and feeling ill after Look Good, Feel Better workshop - irony - it was very very busy, took ages to be seen, some awful ‘patients’, police coming and going, only two toilets both needed cleaning with vomit and urine everywhere, and he got grumpy).
sukiem - watched a bit of Real Housewives yesterday. I think you have to be ill to enjoy this show. Can’t decide who I dislike most - really spoilt for choice. Kelly is probably the only one with any redeeming features. Do you think they are genuinely all that shallow and bitchy or do they act it for more attention? Can’t wait for the Morocco episodes. This is how sad my life has become.
Nicola x
Your post did make me chuckle Sukiem. I am sitting waiting for chemo no 5 and read your post laughing out loud with the mental image of you holding it all in. Good job there is no one else here. I must look like a right mad old bat, laughing out loud with my dodgy hat, glugging steriods and bottle of water (shame it’s not the gin!). Hope you are ok post chemo and have minimal SE’s. Gotta go - chemo calls! Hugs. X
Hi Nicola-sorry you have felt so rubbish and had to go to A&E. I’m day 2 after tax and feel pretty good but I know it won’t last and think I’m still on a steroid high.
You will never watch Real Housewives again-I regard it purely as an annoying side effect of the treatment! I think they are all genuinely quite bitchy and shallow. I love the protracted arguments about well-nothing much. I am transfixed by all the ramblings about class vs low class as they knock back the vino and destroy each others characters. Don’t worry we swon’t be watching it for much longer I hope! really hope you feel better soon too x
Spookymoo-don’t worry about laughing out loud. I was so elated on steroids after chemo yesterday and so v loud that the adorable Chemo reception worker told me ‘Go home crazy lady’ as my mum held my arm and escorted me out. Good luck today and keep laughing xx
p.s meant to mention that although tramadol is constipating its not as bad as codeine as told to me by the hospital phramacist)
Dragged autocorrect! (I actually typed “dratted”. Computer suggested drafted this time…). That will teach me to preview before posting. Still, Princess Codeine does have a ring to it.
I’m not sure whether I find Tax preferable to FEC or worse. On balance, I think I would go for the Tax. More painful, but at least you’re not totally spaced out for the first few days. And it’s great not to feel nauseous for two weeks at at time. However, I guess it’s different from person to person - and maybe from chemo to chemo. I can’t say I am looking forward to the next three Tax. Still, took an antihistamine last night and it does seem to have helped with the rash and itchy palms. Slept eight hours for the first time in I can’t remember when.
Sukie, spookymoo, the threads are taking me a long time to absorb, cos you are so good Em to write so much, everything yousaid in the first one about looking so well, etc i just moan back i may do, but the head isnt the right place at all. perhaps its cos they can see so much of our faces and the mineral make up i slap on makes me look healthy.
anyway, you scary 2 i am sittng here after fec 3, hoping to God i dont get any of your se;s.LIke you sukie i almost said, but i wont say it too loud, well whats the fuss, 1 and 2 were okay apart from tiredness, it all sounds crap and then it will be my turn to leave the long posts. a silent prayer and wish to my guardian angel that its okay.
thank you for the humour. and love to all Sapphires. AND AM going back to read posts properly
anne xx
Hiya Sapphires
I havent posted for ages, though I make sure to read this thread every few days. Its amazing that it continues to give me a feeling of safety and familiarity - so much positivity and power on one thread, I love it lol.
Spookymoo - your posts really hit home with me, too and made me laugh and nod at my screen. Hope you’re feeling no worse since the last chemo.
Im on day 10 of FEC 3 with 3 Tax to come - so halfway through. I havent found the third FEC to be a drastic wallop (so far!) like many people, but really am feeling like its piling up, about to overwhelm me. Guess we just keep going - makes me think of the quote “When you’re going through hell, keep going”
I have an arsenal of responses in my head to comments like: “Tracy’s doing really well” “she’s not finding it too bad” etc.etc. In fact, I can find myself hilarious with my imagined replies (which usually include a few hours worth of exactly why I am not doing really fricking well AT ALL, thankyou very MUCH) - To be fair, I do try and play down how awful I feel on a day to day basis, so shouldnt really complain when people I love are happy and positive for me. Cancer eh?!!!
… off to the freezer now to open the next 4L tub of icecream to partly soothe the fire in my mouth and add to the stone and a half Ive collected around my middle since August.
Keep on shining
x
Hello all sapphires
Anne/Tippy I suspect my 3rd FEC was awful because I was severely anaemic (and didn’t have a clue that I was!). I too am told all the time that I look well (I slap the make up on with a trowel these days).
sdfmeg-if you are Princess Codeine can I be Tsarina Tramadol?
Hello Tsarina Tramodol. What a fantastic idea! Princess Codeine would have been a much better name for me. I’m always stumped when I need to think of one. Takes ages, and I end up with something boring. Really envious of all those great noms de plume on the forum.
Hello Sapphires hope you are all doing ok. Tax no 5 done and dusted but not without a bit of excitement! Nurse started putting Tax thru and got this horrible stinging pain. Much drama! Nurse stopped infusion and flushed it -still ouch! So thought I might have a fracture in PICC line so started pulling blue tubing out. Weirded me out a bit. No fractured line but still pain so she pulled the whole lot out as worried it might be a blood clot. Off we trot to a very nice doctor who said “It might be a clot, possibly life threatening, but nothing to worry about! We’ll send you down to have an ultrasound!” Off I go and explain to receptionist the problem. Look of slight horror from receptionist "we have to find someone who can do arms! " time passed but evidently noone available who could do arms and then a machine broke. Realised then was not going to be a good day! Eventually several hours later chemo recommenced through a cannula and normal tax service resumed! And then this morning three lots of falling over so decided best to crawl on hands and knees to the loo. Apart from all the fun, all usual SE’s have made appearances - horrible taste in mouth - pineapple juice tastes like dishwasher -how that can be possible I have no idea , legs feel like a tank has steamrollered them and horrid heartburn -think there must be a little imp on fire poking me with a flaming trident and cackling saying “That’ll teach you to have chemo, you bad bad girl.” So glad I had chemo yesterday - really needed that - such a pleasant experience! Anyway - I have been able to surface from my pit to watch the gorgeous Bruno on Strictly talking smurfs so all is good with the world. Hope all you sapphires are ok - keep sparkling. Loving “diamonds” by rhinna at the moment - it should be our theme tune - I know it’s quite not the right gemstone, but we can still sparkle and shine, shine like a diamond / sapphire. In the words of Prof Brian Cox, we are all made of stars and stardust - we can do anything girls. All this cancer malarky is a total inconvenience and we will beat it. Cyber hugs.
Thanks spookymoo, i love the end of your post xxxxxxxxxx
Its a bit quiet on our thread so how is everyone?
i am normally in a primary school, workwise before this and went in today for a staff training morning, as no children. but it is very hard to leave, i feel guilty that i am not really ill enough but obviously I cant be there because of all the germs. I know how busy everyone is and I miss the team, I then come back to just me and no-one really knows what to say. they say I look well, but they dont know what is going on in my head. they say great, halfway there but thats only the chemo, of 6 but then I have radiotherapy so the end seems too far away. I dont know how to answer, because like spooky says i know they are being positive.
I know you lot cant fix it, it just feels difficult, and wanted to let it out. Its now early evening when I pick up a bit because I realise another day is over.
anne xx