Hello Sapphires and Happy New Year to you all. I was extremly miserable this New Year. Last year we celebrated New Year with friends and a big dinner party at our house and drink wayyyyyy too much. This year, I was in bed by 10.00 and really not bothered about seeing the New Year in - just glad to see the back of 2012!!!
I did not sleep for long as, between the residue of chemo and the Tamoxifen, I am have superpowers! I am so hot, I reckon I could be called “Heatgirl” or “super lava lamp lady” or " I will fry your brains if you upset me, chemo gal!). God, I am soooooooooo hot. I feel like the Wicked Witch of the West (or the East) in the Wizard of Oz - “I’m melting!”. Not fun I can tell you. I no longer need a warm hat - I need a freezing cold bucket of ice water on my head to cool me down!
I am glad some of you found the knitting article helpful. I never learnt to knit or sew, but wish I did as would be good to be creative at the moment and channel what little energy I have into something positive. That said, I am starting to feel a bit better, post chemo - COME ON ITS BEEN 4 WEEKS ALMOST CHEMO GIVE A GIRL A BREAK!. And finally got to see The Hobbit but burst out laughing every time I saw Hobbity feet as remembered Sukiems’s post. Made me giggle again.
I suppose most of us have finished, or nearly finished, our foray into the darkness that is chemo now. We all have multiple things on the next step of our treatment plan to look forward 
. I have surgery, still not definite as to when but not booking any spa treatments, trips away or “fun” things up for a few weeks as inevitably will be end Jan/begin Feb latest and then after Radiotherapy which I thought would be a walk in the park, but saw my other doc today (endocrinologist) re thyroid who advised me to expect “build up” on rads and to be tired by the end of it! No way, more tiredness, I think I am just going to build myself a nice quite den somewhere and hibernate, like forever, until all treatment is done! I think if tiredness was like winning the lottery I would be a millionaire by now! So anyway, was wondering (this was late last night - I was up at 3am with my ipod listening to JazyZ and Kayne West - No church in the wild - decided gansta rap was a good way to “chill” me out!) if we need to start a new thread, and if so, what should it be? Any ideas ladies? It has been really good to share our experiences through chemo and we all still have so many more to share, as well as advices, top tips, rants, questions and most importantly of all friendship! (trying to think of a good name - Sparkling Sapphires Still Smiling perhaps?)
Hopeing all you ladies have a healthy, happy and NED 2013! And two fingers in the air to all this cancer rubbish! X
Hi spooky, i think thats a good idea, especially as we are on page, 20! thanks for such a good post, have to admit i just couldnt deal with this another day yesterday and went back to gp, was scared I couldnt do the last chemo if it was sending me so low and also felt i was gonna be stuck like this and not get me back. I hope there will be no negative posting after this but i have been given small dose of tranquillisers and cannot believe the difference, havent needed one today and that is my intention as last resort. i also hope that the anti depressants will kick in from the increase and that will be enough.
New year, was a joke spooky, couldnt get to sleep, didnt want the tellly on but still saw Big Ben and loud fireworks with soundtrack.
yes, Spooky up yours to this cancer.
and i love Yibbys phrase, it may be long but its not forever, thank you.
It also looks like the top of my hair is growing and then i read someone else after number 6 and they lost their eyebrows, i am hopeful mine will just stay thin. but who knows?
Happy new year and thanks for all your friendship, words, tips, support, stories, etc.
Hi Anne so sorry you are down. I feel like I have been in a very dark dark place some days - if I can reference the Hobbit, sometimes feel like I have been to Mordor via the Mirkwood -which is not a pleasant place to be! And don’t worry about getting something to help - I am so envious. I have wanted to go on something to help me with my anxiety and to help me sleep but not allowed anything (I am hyperthyroid as well - dx two weeks before BC - which means I have an overactive thyroid. This hasn’t helped my BC as caused my metabolism to go into overdrive and especially kicked out loads of Oestrogen etc. Anything that “depresses” my serontinon levels etc can cause me to go into “Thyroid shock” which can be fatal! Yeah great - more crap! So not allowed anything - so generally tend to self medicate on wine which is not helping the liver!). So don’t feel bad Anne, whatever you need to do or take, go for it girl, we all have to get through this the best way we can.
I have noticed there has been some negative posting the last few days, but it shouldn’t be directed at you Anne. I think, and understandably, people were very offended by one of the posts, which referred to us “baldies” as looking like freaks. I have found people are curious about how I look and almost too scared to ask in case they cause offense. I have never been called a freak and find people are pretty sympathetic. Indeed. once I start to laugh and joke about it, I find people find it easier to deal with. I think the lady that posted is obviously having a really tough time, like all of us, and not dealing with things very well.
I have lost my eyebrows now - and that probably looks worse as I can hide my baldness under hats etc. I do try and use an eyebrow pencil when I go out - but I still look strange. But I am at that point now, where its just bloody too bad if people can’t handle it. I am not ashamed of how I look - to me it is a badge of honour, WE ARE WARRIORS! and I wear my bald badge with pride. I was so hot in Sainsburys the other day I had to take my hat off. I fully expected people to stop and stare at me, alarm bells to go off, klaxons to sound, loudspeaker to announce “Move away from the bald lady! There is nothing to see here!” no-on - absolutely no-one - batted an eye at all. Most disappointing! I do miss my hair, and my eyebrows and eyelashes - I used to love wearing mascara - alas those mascara wearing, carefree days are temporarily over! But it will grow back eventually - and looks like it is coming back grey from the few bits I have! Damn!!!
Enough rambling, just really wanted to send you cyber hugs and wish you a better day tomorrow. Day by day, we will get through this crap, Anne and I know you feel down, and thats o.k. I am down with that. we all have down days, even when we didn’t have cancer and all the crap that goes with it to deal with. We are allowed down days, But I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Hugs. Emx
Hi everyone Happy New Year. sorry its a bit late. Have been getting over SE’s from Tax, really horrible aren’t they.Spent 3 days on the bed as all the bones in my legs disappeared! Thought I had pulled my back, then ached everywhere, finger nails really hurt, bottom of my feet on fire!
I can’t wait for the next one on Wednesday.
The rest of my hair whispy bits are falling out now, do the new bits growing fall out too?
Amd66 I just read about you feeling really down etc I am sorry about that, I have noticed that you will be travelling to Maidstone for some of your treatment. I go there too, I expect that we both go past each other like ships in the night. Maybe we may be on the same days
Hope you all have a good evening.
Story so far, yay someone near me, mine will be for rads in february I think.
Thanks Spooky, i hadnt seen any negative posts it was just re my tranquilisers as people can be funny.
I have taken my hat off several times in costa, etc, dont think about it, and you are right, no-one looks, like we would do the same and from now on will have such empathy with anyone when I notice bandana, or scarf. Cannot believe that my chemo is nearly over, today I can see the other side. Got to keep hold of that, maybe keep chanting it like a mad hippy.
havent much else to say tonight.
Thanks for your messages, I WANT to say something more upbeat next time,
biglove xxx
Hi Anne Glad to hear you are good and up for kicking butt! You can do it and life is good (although chemo is really really pants !) sending luv, hugs, good vibes, solidarity and cake! Go my warrior girl! X
Hello everyone,
as we are all either finished with chemo, or coming to the end, I wondered if anyone was thinking of trying I-glutamine to help with peripheral nerve damage? I have just been to Holland & Barrett. If you buy a copy of Men’s Health you can buy some for half price, so with the magazine you pay £5.14 instead of £8.29 for 50 tablets.
It had better work, or I have just wasted a tender! Tax 4 on Monday and my toes are decidedly numb - when they are not preventing me from sleeping by being incredibly itchy. Chemotherapy: the gift that keeps on giving…
Hi to all the sapphires. I hope everyone is ok?
I’ve been at a bit of a low ebb which I think may be the anti climax of ending chemo as well as dreading my mastectomy on 22nd Jan. I still can’t quite believe this is happening!
Is anyones hair growing back?-my armpits (dammit!) now need attention and the hair on the side of my head seems to be growing back (although I still have a huge bald spot and long tendrils at the front courtesy of using cold cap-a bit like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror show if anyone remembers). I’ve decided to have a pixie cut at some point and dream of looking like a young Mia Farrow
I also think I might try the Faster shampoo (thanks for posting on that Spooky xx) when it comes out in Boots.
Margaret, I read your other post and was really pleased that your chemo has been more effective than you thought. I bought L Glutamine powder which I took initially during my first taxotere treatment but stopped it intending to use it after chemo had finished.
I’ll definately start retaking it soon. Apparently you have to take quite a lot of it. There are some recommendations for the dose in a good book I bought by the nutritionist Suzannah Oliver (‘The Breast cancer diet’)-but let me know if you want more info.
Lots of xx to everyone
l-Glutamine powder, whats that all about? Silly me Margaret, you just said it was about peripheral nerve damage.
Sukie I am the opposite of you have very thin spiky bits on top because I didnt shave that completely, it looks new to me, but at the sides I have nothing because the clippers were too close to my head!
Good luck for the 22nd, Will be thinking about you, it must seem a way off I hope the days go quick or slow depending on what you want it to do! Just do something nice for yourself beforehand.
love to you all xxxxxx
Thanks so much Anne xx-I cheekily treated myself to a Tiffany necklace when I was in the throes of self pity!! (glad I did though)
hi ladies
happy new year to you all, hope you are all feeling side effect free now you’ve stopped your chemo. amd66 i hope you’re feeling better and sorry to hear it’s been so difficult for you these last few weeks.
unfortunately 2013 so far is shaping up pretty darn bad thus far. i was booked in for paclitaxol on NYE as i had an allergic reaction on my second tax just before christmas. after only one minute of the infusion i went into full on anaphalytic (spelling??) shock - trouble breathing, severe pain, everything started swelling up and i was sick. pretty fricking scary in all. it was at least over pretty quick once they stopped the infusion and gave me more meds to counteract my reaction.
anyway the upshot is that i am no man’s land chemo-wise because it’s very rare to have a reaction to both docetaxol and paclitaxol so my surgery has been brought forward to friday (gulp). even worse, an ultrasound showed more spread to new lymph nodes and my onc is sufficiently worried to order a ct scan which is giving me TheFear big-time.
lucky me gets to try a third type of chemo after surgery although don’t know which one, i just know that the taxanes were supposed to be the big hitter and my onc won’t prescribe them for me in any shape or form because of how i reacted.
sorry to offload but am feeling very down and very worried 
sx
Inshock-I’m sorry that you have really been through the mill. Its such a difficult time particularly when things don’t go to plan
I know that the taxanes are supposed to be good but also that other folk with BC also get prescribed 6FEC and other chemo’s (I think its us neoadjuvant and herceptin folk who get docetaxol). I think allergic reactions to taxanes are not uncommon (why they prescribed twice as many steroids as FEC)-I know this is no consolation to you though.
I just wanted to say that I hope your op goes well on Friday. Are you having a WLE? I’m having a mastectomy on 22nd Jan and it all feels very fast.
Take care and keep posting xx
Hi and Happy new year all you Sapphires
Just been catching up on everyones posts and sorry to hear that some of you are still suffering. I finished my chemo on 19th December and I embark on rads tomorrrow for 4 weeks.
Sukiem - my hair is a bit odd too but is growing back. After the cold cap I still had longish bits at the back, around the hair line it is fairly thick (sort of friar Tuck) and has grown about 3inches since starting chemo. I didn’t develop any bald patches but it was very thin on top. It is starting to fill in a bit although its VERY grey and fluffy but oddly I love the feel of it. I now comb it every day as while the chemo was still going on I tried to leave it and not touch it as it used to fall out. Its lovely looking at the comb and not seeing any hair in it (little things please little minds!).
Well hope everyones SE start to ease as we carry on with this journey. Take care Sapphires
LOl
Hi all sapphires. Been mooching about a bit. Inshock - so sorry to hear you had such a bad reaction to the recent chemo. As you say, blooming scary. Sending hugs out and hope oncologist manages to get something sorted for you.
Lollo01 - good luck for your rads tomorrow.
Regards hair mine is growing back (slowly) but is flipping grey mixed with white. Not a good look. Stupid chemo!
Anyway wishing all you ladies well on the unexpected journey we find ourselves on. X
Oh and good luck Inshock for surgery - sending good vibes out that all will be well and you will get a good result. X
Good evening one n all,
having chemo tax 2 tomorrow which means only 1 more after this on 30th Jan. Saw onco yesterday and because of so many SE’s ( thrombosis and hospital stay etc) I have had he has reduced the last 2 by 20%. I only hope that it will still be as effective.
Amd66 I am going to have my rads start in March so will miss you when yours starts. If you wish to meet up with me, PM me and we can then arrange something.
Going off to do some ironing now as had my steroids and wide awake!
Thanks story so far, will do that once i get info about the rads,
Inshock so sorry for your scare, at least you were in the right place and altho surgery is soon, it is one stop closer to getting cancer done. i think you started our thread as well so thank you, i have needed all of you so much.
lollo, 3 inches thats amazing! mine is just spiky on top.
have followed thread on fast shampoo, but didnt know about the sodium laurete stuff, is it dangerous for our new hair then?
love to you all, dare i say i have felt normal today. about bl**dy time
Anne xxxxx
Inshock, I’m sure the ct scan is just to get the whole picture. I was just too quick in my last post, but I wish you all the best. Hope today has been okay, will be thinking about you over the next few days,
much love
Anne xxxxxxxxx
Just wanted to post to say I hope all went went ok for In Shock (Sam) with your surgery. We are all thinking of you. Hugs x
Hope inshock is okay,
just a quick one you all knew i had really suffered with anxiety and low mood after last chemo after /christmas, spoke to onc today and she has agreed steroids were most likely the reason, she will reduce the dose given in my picc line and said if i dont need them, dont take the ones i take home, or just take one or two.
it will be a psychological thing but at least I know I have done something that should stop it happening again.
big hugs everyone xx