Im back again. Finished all treatment Nov 2007. 6 x FEC and 33 rad. No herceptin/tamoxifen needed.
Well on the road to getting life back again. I should not moan as i consider myself as one of the lucky ones as this time last year was dx. What a year!
I am finding life hard, i am in the middle of looking for a job, can’t seem to find anything and I am struggling financially! Feel like i trying to regain my identity back, getting to know my body again. I am usually a confident person and try not to let things get me down, but ifeel i have lost a lot of confidence and this frustrates me. i am angry now that this b******d BC has taken a year of my life away and turned everything upside down and inside out and i left to pivk up the pieces. i do have friends and family can talk to but feel like I always moaning and dwelling. my partnet is very busy at work at the momne and feel he is not here as much. Sorry to moan and be depressing, i know there are people out there much worsre of than me. JUst needed to talk to people who may understand.
I think what you are going through is very common, but obviously very distressing nonetheless. I think we are all so busy getting through our treatment and coping with all the side effects, that we don’t really think about the wider picture - if you know what I mean. It’s only once the dust has settled and some sort of normality has returned, that it suddenly hits us and we start thinking about all the ifs and buts etc. I too am a coper in that I am brilliant when needed, get on with it until the crisis is over. It’s only afterwards that I tend to crumble into a wet rag!!! My family found it very hard to cope with me, because as far as they were concerned, everything was over and done with.
I think you need to give yourself plenty of time and ‘me’ time. I promise, you will get over this and find your personal equilibrium again. You may - and I know from talking to others - get the odd months or day when things look very bleak, but those days will get less and less over time. In the meantime, good luck with the job search and hope you find something suitable.
I know how you feel and you are not moaning, I think all of us feel he need to shout and scream, to cry and just to let out any emotions that come. I am nearly two years on since diangosis but I still feel very angry and upset at times. you know where we are and we just want to give you support.
Hi girls, I am now 2 years post dx, whilst I dont feel anger, I feel very unsecure about the future. I remember going into town alone .
for the first time after I finished treatnent and feeling very frightened. I could not believe how I felt. Friends and family just think once your treatment is over that’s it , you are better, now get on with it Shame it’s not so easy.
Thank you for your replies, it is nice to know that i am not going mad! I am hope this horrible chapter will pass and life can feel worth living. I think that i am so eager to move on with life and move on away from bc. Thank you for you kind words.
Also don’t beat yourself up by comparing yourself to others. I might well be one of the people out there in breastcancerworld who you feel is ‘worse off’ than yourself…and I feel that about others furtehr down the line than me sometimes BUT…
We each experience our own very personal hells with this disease. Its not a competition. Treatment and its aftermath can be physically and emotionally harrowing. You are not moaning…your feelings are yuor feelings, real and hard. You will have good days in future and bad ones too…go gently with yourself.
I’m glad to see that you are finding this thread helpful. As well as this support you might find it helps to phone our helpline and talk through your feelings with one of our trained members of staff. Sometimes just talking to someone can make a difference. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
perhaps this isnt isnt the right thread to put this on, and last week i was feeling really low, hated the fact that it was me who had cancer and couldnt see a future for myself at all, not that i was suicidal, just one where the future was about reaccurance etc etc, then something happened today that made me feel amazing, the sun shone!!! i decided i would walk into town on my own, first time ive walked anywhere since being diagnosed last july, and been on my own, and i managed!!! and guess what i got wolf whistled at twice, dont get me wrong im happily married, but i had felt absolute crap, i hated my “new hair” very grey at 35, really short and ive put over a stone on since dx, and now i feel like a woman again!!!
Anna
Don’t get me wrong, I have my bad days but if I’m honest they are very few, most days are good now, I go to work (back to full time), I come home and play mummy then when he’s off to bed I play wife. I have great support from friends and family and yes, it is the first thing I think if when I wake up and the last thing I think of at night but overall I am living which is great. I do get upset and frustrated at times, we all will but everyday is a bonus, I have to be strong for my son. I like my new hair, I hate that I am 2 stone heavier in weight but I now go to a slimming class, it might work it might not but this is my normal life…its a chapter that is closed and new chapters begin…I don’t know if it will get easier in time, everyone is different. that article that Jane mentioned is fantastic and a very good read.
Take care and lots of love and cyber hugs to you all.
can you believe its a year since we were diagnosed??! What a year its been eh! I totally understand where you are coming from and your post really struck a chord with me. I’ve been able to talk to those closest with me most of the time but nowadays I feel like they’re gonna be thinking ‘enough already, when you gonna get over it?’. Its like I should be moving on and getting on with my life but I can’t quite manage it.
Anyway, enough about me! Please don’t ever apologise for being depressing or moaning. You’re not either, and anyway even if you were, it wouldn’t matter as thats what this site is all about (well, you know what I mean?!).
maybe we should start a looking for ideal job thread.
I’m only 2 months post dx and still got some treatment to go and at the end of last year I started my perfect job, and I do mean perfect, top of my game etc and as a web developer it’s easy to get behind very quickly so I’m more scared of losing my career than anything else right now which I know is very unbalanced.
I haven’t seen my onc yet but being triple neg I know that chemo may very well be on the cards and the idea of not being able to work for 6 months scares the heeby jeebies out of me so I seriously considered saying no if I’m offered it, how mad is that maybe.
So please give yourself a break, these are very real feelings you’re having and it’s probably going to take a bit more time that you’re prepared to wait, at least that what I’m reckoning.
So what rough area of the country are you, and what job would you like. You never know the fates may bring something to you, it does happen.
Shame it’s not so easy.