Angry at bc nurse

I’ve just had a call from my bcn regarding recent dx of secondries she went on to say oh they don’t give u a large dose of chemo cause now it’s about quality of life rather than cure I’m not stupid but it’s nice to hear so they just give up on us ladies do they don’t even try so upset after her call hope she don’t call again laura

So sorry you have been made to feel upset they can be so thoughtless.
Is there another breast care nurse you could talk to or perhaps the help line here just to talk about how you feel.
Remember there are lots of ladies on here with secondaries that are doing well many years down the line. Thinking of you.

Hi Laura

Sounds like a bcn who lacks insight into how it feels to have a secondary diagnosis. Hopefully you will see from these forums that there’s lots of hope for our treatments. Just wondering when you will next be seeing a doctor to talk about your treatments. I know that when I had my diagnosis (April last year) I was unable to ask questions as I was is a state of shock but if you can write down questions and take someone with you then you might get some answers. Just wondering what chemo you will be having - lots have people have lots of success for years with some of them so hope their stories help you to find some hope too. I don’t feel like I’ve been given up on - I’ve a new quality of life that I’d love to continue to enjoy and feel supported with my treatments.
Thinking of you - do keep in touch
Fran

Laura I’m sorry to read you’ve been upset by ur bcn :frowning:
I’ve had a similar experience with a chemo nurse + a much worse conversation with a very negative onc following stage 4 dx. The thing to remember is noone has a crystal ball so Boone can accurately predict how we will respond to treatment. My onc told me my cancer is probabl. ‘chemo resistant’ + so chemo probably wouldn’t work (this was also said in my report from the marsden!!). Not what I wanted to hear but as you know, my last scan has shown nodes have shrunk by 70% in 3 cycles. My onc was all smiles when I went for results not an apology in sight…
Once you reach stage 4, treatment is classed as palliative (to prolong life + control the cancer), as opposed to ‘curative’. But you knew that anyway+ didn’t need your bcn to tell you that. It is very possible to go into remission during treatment for stage 4 so hope+ pray for that. Lots of ladies on here have reached ned so hopefully we can too. …Triple neg or not :slight_smile:
love tina x

Laura - it wasn’t a helpful response. When I was given my initial diagnosis the bcn gave me NOT one smile, just some leaflets. Thought about this and decided I wasn’t prepared to work with her, so when I saw someone else who gave one small smile I asked for this to be put on my notes. My surgery is at a London Teaching Hpl and I am appalled at the lack of ‘customer care’. Y’day I had routine onc appt (3.45) and was seen at 6pm - receptionist: no smile and typing with 2 fingers. As time went on I was joined by 2 friends (one of whom works in a different clinic at same hpl) - she was gob-smacked at the way stressed patients were treated and the other, whose h’b has had t’ment for prostate cancer could also not believe it. Another patient y’day said that at an earlier appt, she felt so unwell she told the receptionist she had to leave and was told: you’re lucky to get an appt!!! Dear God and the cuts aren’t biting yet.

Take care and, where you can, take control! Send PM if it might help Barbara

Laura, I was given the same sort of info when I was first diagnosed. I also felt very let down that medics were not going to try curative treatment, and that I would just receive palliatives (Letrozole and bondronat). Anyway, I found out that some Cancer Hospitals (like The Anderson Cancer Centre at The University of Texas), regard some forms of metastatic BC ( oligometastatic disease), as potentially curable, with aggressive treatment (by which they mean long term survival rather than cure in the conventional sense). I then found a Hospital in the UK that offer a similar style of treatment, and have been treated there. They were shocked that I had been offered such a conservative treatment.
So what I want to say is, please don’t give up hope, and if you’re unhappy, then vote with your feet, and get the treatment you want.

Hi all thanks for your lovely post was just having a low day don’t like my Bcn anyway all she does is pat u on the arm going it be ok no love it won’t! She lives local so I see her out and about in a local pub enjoying her life and it just winds me up any how hoping to get on treatment soon give me something else to moan about lol

Tina yea I know what’s wat just makes you angry don’t it but all we can do is hope.

Have a lovely weekend everyone laura xx