Another funny and in the right place this time...LOL

The sharing of marriage…

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, “That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?”

She answered

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“THE TEETH.”

that is so funny
at first i thought i had to continue the story was just about to click off when i came to the punch line lol lol

Thanks Babyboo - love it!

Dilys
xxx

nice one !

Diane x

Brilliant Babyboo,
And on the right site too.

Northerngirl I was on that same wave length too. I remember a game using paper being passed around and people put their own ideas on it, When they were opened up the ‘story’ always made us laugh.

Cheers
Carol

Loved it - thanks Boo !

xx

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close
to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden…

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of
eet.”

“Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee”.

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and
there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon… every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!”

“Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?; We ees in the Desert
don’t forget.”

“Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon…ees nomeerage, ees a bacon tree”.

And with that …Luis races toward the tree. He gets to within 5
metres, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he
manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

“Pepe…go back man, you was right…ees not a bacon tree.”

“Luis Luis, mi amigo…what ees it?”

"Pepe…ees not a bacon tree…

Ees…

Ees…

Ees…

Ees…

.

Eees a Ham Bush

Quisie

That is well funny!

Heres one that my nephew has just told me;

A mate of mine has just offered me 8 legs of venison for £50! Do you think thats too deer?

Sorry but I laughed!

oh Lynne - that was good !!!

Heres three funnies for you!

Old Man sitting in a park. Teenager sat next to him, his hair spiked red, orange, yellow, green, blue & violet. The old man couldnt help but stare and stare. Finally the teenager says "whats the matter old man, never done anythign wild before? Old man says "yeah got drunk once and slept with a peacock - I was wondering if you were my son!

Just been to the gym to try out the new machine they have just had installed. I could only use it for half an hour then I had to stop because I felt sick…its good though, its got kit kats, crisps,mars bars, everything!!

Bit rude but hey ho!

Wife gets naked and asks hubby; What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body? Hubby looks her up and down and says…your sense of humour!

All of you very very funny

Thanksxxxx

This was sent to me from one of my colleagues, made me laugh although a bit rude…(hope it doesnt offend anyone

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test…we couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car…

Loved it - ha ha

Caroline x

Oh great stuff Lesley, and all of you!

Dilys
xxxx

Brilliant - well done girls on making me laugh today !

Julie xxxx

very good !!

Diane x

Hi

Glad you ladies enoyed the joke, I do get quite a few from work most of them include pictures so cant add them.

If I receive anymore I will add them.

Lesley
xx

That was brilliant!!!

Another one from my colleague not a joke as such
Part of this poem is incorrect obviously whoever wrote it hasn’t been through chemo and had to shave their head!!!

poem for girls…

I shave my legs,

I sit down to pee.

And I can justify any shopping spree.

Don’t go to a barber, but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage without getting a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,

I can pump my own gas.

Can talk to my friends about the size of my a.

My beauty’s a masterpiece and yes, it takes long.

At least I can admit to others when I’m wrong.

I don’t drive in circles, at any cost.

And I don’t have a problem admitting I’m lost.

I never forget an important date.

You just gotta deal with it, I’m usually late.

I don’t watch movies with lots of gore.

Don’t need instant replay to remember the score.

I won’t lose my hair, I won’t get jock itch.

And just cause I’m assertive, don’t call me a b*tch!

Don’t say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.

In your dreams, my dear, cause I can do better!

Flowers are okay,

But jewelry’s best.

Look at me you idiot…

Not at my chest !!!

I don’t have a problem,

With expressing my feelings.

I know when you’re lying,

You look at the ceiling.

DON’T call me a GIRL ,

a BABE or a CHICK .

I am a WOMAN.

Get it? you D*CK