I’m waiting for a ct scan and mri scan I’m doing my own head in and family head in I’m overthinking everything all the time the swelling under my arm has been there for a while I used to get intermittent swelling due to Covid and flu vaccine but just before routine mammogram noticed it was not going away I have four or more nodes involved will need auxiliary clearance I’m just convinced it has already spread and if not it will soon in the time it takes for scans and surgery the lobal cancer is grade 2 my usual things I do to help with anxiety is not working also the area where the cancer is is inner upper quadrant and cons told me this can be difficult for lumpectomy but did say may be able to have some kind of oncoplasty has anyone had this but I’m also convinced I will need a mastectomy I’m not in a good place I’ve had antidepressants previously but they don’t tend to help I’m better of doing mindfulness and exercise except I can’t do much exercise at the moment as I’ve got a long standing foot injury oddly enough this was probably about to get sorted with surgery in the next few months sorry for long post xx
Not much advice I can offer you really because it is such a worrying time. This is one of the worst bits but you will get through it & whatever the outcome there will be a solution. I too have had and mri & ct and waiting for the results was horrible. I was told by the BCN that mri shows up every little detail & not to be too worried if I was called back for another biopsy. And yes I was called back for an ultrasound on my good breast. Luckily it turned out to be lots of cysts that hadn’t shown on the mammogram. My ct showed a nodule on my lung & thyroid, these are non cancerous but are being monitored. Keep up with your mindfulness practices and other things you usually do. Even if they don’t seem to be helping they are passing the time. You will get through this 
Thinking of you x
Hi @daisy69 I’m newly diagnosed.
In the last 3 weeks & 3 days I’ve had a mammogram which showed something and then needed an ultrasound which confirmed a mass (which they thought was 2.5 cm) biopsies taken then the wait for results. Back a week later to be told it was cancer. 
Everything went through my mind but straight away my anitial thought was ‘I’m gonna die’ …
Later that night the floods of tears and worry along with severe anxiety (which I suffer from anyway) started along with more of ‘I’m gonna die’ …
I’m 50 years old & my children are 26 & 16, but my son has major health conditions that need managing.
Following the ‘you have cancer’ appt I went back for a contrast mammogram.
This showed not 1 but 2 masses in my breast and was in fact 6cm. I totally lost the plot at this point and just broke down. The staff and my husband were fantastic.
Another 2 biopsies taken and a clip put in place.
I went back weds of this week for what I thought was a treatment plan to be told I actually need a CT scan to confirm it’s not spread.
At the moment they are pretty sure it’s not spread but the CT was the only way to confirm this.
I took a cancellation appt yesterday for the scan & now I wait.
The what ifs are just the worse. The not knowing is agonising BUT it’s weird that I’ve kinda found an inner piece (atm) & I’ve accepted I have this.
Everybody is different and deals with things differently but for me I just thought how many people out there actually live their daily lives and live with cancer.
I still don’t know what my treatment plan is and I’ll feel so much better once I know but I just need to know it’s not spread.
I’ll take whatever treatment plan I can to kick this space invaders ass.
I know it’s gonna be a long road but I do have amazing family and close friends that can support me.
I actually woke up this morning and thought to myself I must really try my best to live the best life I can.
I’ve gone from thinking about nothing else for 24hrs solid over 2 weeks to having little 5 minute or ten minute breaks where my mind isn’t consumed with it.
I do wish you well and please message if you need too. Sending huge hugs 
P.s I forgot to add the smaller lump is benign xx
Hello @daisy69
So sorry to hear of your situation. It is a most stressful time and you have done brilliantly by verbalising your thoughts here on this forum.
I was diagnosed in 2021 and initially existed by being pushed through the appointments reading their literature and talking to the professionals. In between appointments i was a mess at first. My GP was brilliant, she told me to do whatever it takes to get rid of the cancer. That was my mission. So then I went information hunting and spent my time hunting replacements for my toiletries so they didnt contain petrochemicals. List on Goop. Finding the right vitamins and powders and building a new routine of exercise, breathing and mindfulness.
My first stop was Colon Cancer Healed With Alkaline Diet (Allan Taylor) - Cancer Compass An Alternate Route
I felt I then had some control whilst i went through chemo and then a bilateral mastectomy
I still follow my regime and have been cancer free for 3.5 years. At the time every day was an eternity now its a distant memory
So take one day at a time, sometimes even the next few mintutes at a time. do whats important, incorporate some gratitude meditation from youtube the mindful movement. She helps me sleep most nights. Its important to feel a sense of wellbeing and the meditation really helps. When you start thinking dark thoughts. Stop yourself and take yourself to somewhere you love in your mind and have a mantra to say to yourself to stop the dark internal narrative. Mine was i wish i was on Benidorm beach then i would imagine myself being there. I still use it now when something comes into my head that i dont want there.
Sending you much love
Be brave and strong you’ll do fabulous 
Aw thanks for the reply and the suggestions I will look at the gratitude mindfulness I write three things in a journal every day I’m grateful for have done this for some time ok will keep going think I will feel better when I’ve had these tests and know my treatment plan as well and I’m glad your doing well as well xx
Aw it’s an awful time isn’t I’m glad you are a little calmer I felt a little calmer yesterday afternoon decided to blitz tidy and sort my flat out today I’m going to see my mum in a care home see the grandchildren I have two boys 6 and 4 they will help distract me and just hope the dates for these scans come in soon let me know when your results are back and your treatment plan we can support each othe I like this forum it’s nice to chat to people in the same situation I have a 30 year old son who lives with me and a 29 year old daughter who lives not far away with her partner and the boys she has high functioning autism and Tourette syndrome I’m worried the stress of me will set of her tics but touch wood at the moment she is okay must be diificult for you with the health conditions of your family wishing us both good luck will look forward to hearing from you soon glad the other one is benign I have one lump that is benign xxx
Hi thanks for the reply I have been told the mri does pick up other things as well it’s just this waiting is awful think a lot of my anxiety has come from suddenly stopping hrt as this snd frequent uti was the main reason I took them it’s good to talk to people where are you in your treatment plan hope your doing well thanks for the kind words xxx
I’ll update hon … here anytime x x
Hi @daisy69 & everyone else
My update as follows …
It’s not spread … I’m so greatful & thankful for this
I’ve have lobular stage 2 invasive breast cancer measuring 6cm x 4 cm plus one benign tumour.
This is oestrogen + HER2 -
My plan is the following (but as we know things can change)
I’m in next Tuesday as a day case for a procedure under general for some lymph nodes to be removed & tested for microscopic cancer cells.
They still not sure if I will need chemo/radio so I think this will tell them.
I’ve discussed with my surgeon my options and have decided on single mastectomy with immediate reconstruction (Diep) so only 1 surgery but slightly longer recovery …
I’m terrified beyond belief for the anaesthetic next week and going forward due to my anxiety & panic attacks. I’m terrified of blood clots … I’m just terrified in general
I do hope you’re doing ok ???
Please update when you can 
Aw I’m glad you have some information the thought of surgery is scary but you will be in good hands and they will look after you the risk of clots is very small they will give you medication to prevent this and they will get you out of bed quite quickly to help prevent this as well try some mindfulness it has been helping me with some of my anxiety I use headspace it’s good but not cheap there is a lot of free stuff around on utube and a Google search I hope everything turns out okay for you xxxx
I’ve just had some good news in this scary journey I had my ct scan in wed the breast care nurse from the centre rang me my ct had been reported on and she told me there was not any metastatic spread anywhere I’m very relieved as have had stomach issues and aches and I was starting to think it was all linked to spread mri Monday then discuss in mdt on Friday and prob appointment after that possible surgery the end of month even though don’t know options yet hang in there guys we can do this xxx
That’s such fantastic news !!
Good luck with yr next steps x x
Hi @ginger1
I had pretty much the exact diagnosis as you in 2023! I’d just turned 50 and noticed a mound on my breast. Mammogram and ultrasound showed a 21mm lump, ER+ HER2- invasive lobular. MRI then showed more extensive disease with multi focal tumours covering an area of 6.5cm. So lumpectomy and radiotherapy quickly changed to mastectomy and possible chemotherapy. Wanting reconstruction, my only choice was Diep flap with small implant and reduction on other side…
I also had an upfront SLNB because the wait for my surgery was significant. Fortunately my lymph nodes came back clear! Following my Diep surgery, with clear margins, My MDT were unsure about chemotherapy and as I was borderline, I had the oncotype DX test, which indicated a low medium risk of recurrence and the benefit of chemo outweighed the risks.
Apparently lobular doesn’t often respond to chemo, and aromatase inhibitors are the big guns for our type of cancer. I’m now on letrozole and coping as well as anyone can on these rotten pills! Keeping everything crossed for you that you’re as fortunate as me, and that surgery gets rid of the cancer and you don’t need chemo.
After a few ups and downs, I’m now really happy with my reconstruction and although I live with a niggling fear of recurrence - as everyone who’s had a cancer diagnosis does -life is good and I’ve now had 2 ‘satisfactory’ mammograms on my real boob. Hooray!
If you have any questions about any aspect of your journey, please fire away - this forum is so good for support. We really do get it. Wishing you all the best for your surgery - you’ll be well looked after, don’t worry 
Sending hugs , Diddy xx
Thankyou so so much for this
I’m glad you are doing so well
It’s exhausting isn’t it as you get one thing in your head then it can all change last minute. I too was having a lumpectomy but then due to it being much bigger and having another benign lump this was now not an option.
I’m just terrified of being put under for my lymph nodes next week then the mastectomy & diep after that.
I don’t like how I feel when I come round from anaesthetic as I don’t feel in control and causes me great anxiety.
I had stomach surgery last august and that took a full 8 weeks to recover from so I’m prepared for the recovery it’s just the pain and limited mobility and everything else … I do not like being in hospital, I’m terrified of clots, I’m nervous about bathing. Some of these things may seem so trivial in retrospect to the cancer which is weird. I know I can get through it but you just feel you need it over & done with … it’s like I know in 3 months time everything surgery wise should be over, but it’s getting through those next 3 months x x x
It’s perfectly natural to feel like you do. The lymph node biopsy is a quick operation, and I found I came round from the anaesthetic quite well and was up and home within a few hours. The DIEP is a much longer op, but you are closely monitored and very well looked after - the nurses are just wonderful. The drugs actually made me feel quite jolly and apparently I was giggling after my Diep! 
This doesn’t take away from your anxiety of course, and I can totally understand your lack of control fear…
The lymph node biopsy was a more painful op than the Diep weirdly. Although the DIEP is a long recovery, it’s more discomfort than anything and absolutely the reliance on other people to do everything.
The anticipation is worse than the reality in a lot of ways, and the stage you’re at now is just horrible. Keep busy and before you know it, it’ll all be over and you can start your road to recovery. It’s a strange thing to not feel ill, and have to go through all of this!
Keep us posted and take care, my hope in replying is to offer you some reassurance xx
Thankyou so much … yes you have