Hi All years ago I suffered severe agorophobia after coming off tranx called Ativan.Think I was psychotic during withdrawal and also suffered awful depression, horrifying thoughts which made me feel I just want to die… I have fought long and hard to overcome all this. I was just getting my life back together when diagnosed with BC. and it has really rocked my boat and I am frightened of falling back again. My stomach lurches when my husband mentions going away a few days (WE Caravan) I know doing is the only way to overcome fears and phobias as i have learnt fron past experience . I am even dreading how I’m gonna cope at my son’s wedding in Sept , have had panic atttacks again since chemo. I do not know where I am gonna get the energy from to fight all the fears that are coming back, whilst I have cancer and chemo to deal with. I am one of those whose had a really rough time every chemo. I have accepted counselling at hospital which helps a little. Please Girls send me some hope that I will cope and not go down that long lonely road of depression again. I do have a lot of support from friends but I feel so Alone sometimes , I am so scared but don’t know what to do!!!
AS anyone been trhrough a simiiar experience. Love to all you fighters out there. Bobbie

Hi Bobbie,
I just wanted to send you strength because I can hear your panic and distress from reading your words. I am sure someone who knows more will post very soon but didn’t want to walk away without letting you know that I was listening to you. My neighbour has been crippled with agrophobia for years, meaning that she could not even visit her family when one had an inoperable tumour. We started regularly going out to eat at a pub almost on our doorstep, at a time when it was quiet, I talked for England, we kept busy eating and then came straight home. I don’t think this has been a solution but she insists that it was and that the break through was so gradual she hardly noticed it. She has recently even managed to go to visit the relatives, over 6 hours away and amazed herself. Do you have someone you can totally rely on and somewhere close to go to so that you can start to take some very small steps. Try just concentrating on the very next step and not big events like the wedding, you have time , don’t rush yourself. Wishing you a good nights sleep and peace. Please let me know how you are.
Lily x

my mum suffers from anxiety and depression and the best way we have all found of her coping with things is just not to dwell on anything but “today”

so when I visit her (can’t at the moment) I only ever tell her I’m arriving just before I get there - or it sends her into a spin

September is a long way off so instead of worrying about it between now and then just forget it! there are always too many people trying to organise a wedding anyway - just worry about your outfit nearer the time

the only thing to do is take it a day at a time …
good luck
love FizBix xxxx

Also - I think you have to remember that before you were suffering from drug withdrawal symptoms - just because you got ill then doesn’t mean you have to again. Don;teven think about any of that. Just relax and take a day at a time.

It must be so frightening to you right now - with the panic attacks, past of agrophobia, your son’s wedding and bc on top of it all. First, many many hugs to you.

I am standing with Lily in support of your anxiety. This is a safe place to vent and cry and shout and be yourself. Perhaps as each person draws round you in our circle, it will help you to step out of our fears.

One of the things I can do for you now though is to pray for you – for strength, courage and adaptability as you grow out of agrophobia, out of panic attacks and out of your fears. It that doesn’t offend you, I would like to do that for you. And if you’d like to read about others who have found that reaching beyond themselves has helped, go to this thread, Chit-Chat & Fun, Prayer. It is about all types of prayer, it is non-denominational, it is for all who need inspiration.

Just know that you are not alone. We are with you.

Many hugs

Emily, fizbix and Lily. You are STARS … thank you so much for having the time to get back to me …even though you are going through the mill yourselves.
You are so right one day at a time… and I can cope with whatever comes when I need to… MY love to you all Bobbie

Hi Corsa,
I have irritable bowel syndrome and get constant panic attacks if out of my familiar environment - it got much worse after BC. I know it isn’t the same as depression but anxiety does make it worse. I’ve recently tried hypnotherapy - recommended by my Doctor, I was very douptfull (especially as it cost £70) however wierdly it does seem to have done some good - might be worth a try for you? certainly it was a very relaxing experience - I went to the ladies consulting room but you might find one who would come to your house?
Hope things improve soon

Thanks Caroline i do have a hypno she sent me a CD as I live in Rugby and she is in Bromsgrove , so as soon as I can manage I will get back to her. Using CD does help and I have purchased some relaxation music from Bristol Cancer Centre , find that helpful when I can’t sleep. Love from Bobbiexxx

Dear Corsa
I can hear you starting to turn that corner. Go girl Go!!!
Little little steps, remember the tortoise beat the hare.
More Hugs
Lily x

Hi Lily lovely to hear from you. I will be glad to see Onc tommorrow hoping he will be able to help me with awful side affects. I start to panic before I have chemo and do’nt enjoy the few better days I have before next treatment… I am definetly my own worst enemy . love and hugs Bobbie xx

Hi Bobbie

Reading your post brought a tear to my eye. I know exactly what you mean about the fear of depression and anxiety returning. I had OCD and severe depression for about 17 years and I felt trapped in a bubble. My mum was dx with bc in March and I myself have a lump. My histology reports have come back inconclusive, probably benign but the have to remove the lump to be sure. Since the above events have happened I have spiralled back into despair and anxiety and panick attacks. I also suffer with the dreaded irritable bowell, and have found I am constantly running to the loo as the date for my operation (this Friday) gets closer. Have you spoken to your gp about maybe some help to see you through this. On the advice of the bcc helpline yesterday I contacted the emdocs and have been perscribed vallium to help me get through the days when I need that little bit of extra help. I know what you mean about your tummy. My tummy has felt like its being tightened in a vice for days. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

Jules xxx

Jules1964,Good luck for Friday and the results. It sounds like you still have a good chance of it being ok, that would be brilliant. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Corsa - hey great to hear you a bit chirpy and now I can hear a totally different frame of mind. Isn’t this a great place to shout it out when you need to? Just keep plodding, no attempts at marathon events for a while!! Hope the onc is helpful tomorrow, write your questions down or you may forget something in the stress of the appointment.
I am up and down with the thought of my first chemo on Tuesday but I expect as usual I will just plod in there and take it after worrying and moaning to anyone who will listen. I have never been on such a roller coaster in my life with my emotions.
Thinking of everyone, which I hope will be like counting sheep when I try to go to sleep tonight. Baaaaaaaaaaa
Lily x

Hi Corsa,
dont worry about how you are feeling towards the holiday, my friend who has had cancer cant stand holidays and only goes to shut her husband up, she says its to do with being away from your own gp, etc
dont be hard on yourself and how do you feel about a coffee soon
lots of love Anna

Hi Corsa,

My Gran and dad have suffered depression and my dad still gets it occassionally. A lot a people dismiss it and don’t understand its an actual illness. from what I understand its to do with a lack of certain cells in the back of the brain. Don’t be to hard on yourself and try and fight this alone. Have a good chat with your councellor and let it all out. It may be you might need something mild and non adictive to help you through. Might be worth speaking to your doctor as well.
Be strong and don’t be scared. I found food is always a good help.
Lots of love and hugs to you.

Hi to all , knew I could rely on you cyberbabes to help me through . Annamarie have left you blog on subject of wedding Yes we must get together for coffee. Things have changed drastically for me Prof has ended my chemo , should have had two more but I have been so ill with each one that he has said I ca’nt take anymore . Have blog on chemo site called chemo ending, decided to go to site for help because I am a bit taken aback by it allL love and ((((hugs))))) to all Bobbiex

Hi Bobbie
I am another who hates holidays!! They take up so much energy to get ready and then to sort yourself out afterwards! We bought a caravan last year (my husband wanted one for ages). I am like Victor Meldrew whenever we go anywhere cos I hate it. We have now paid a load of money to have it on a seasonal pitch in the hopes that not having to unpack, pack, put up bl**dy awnings, fetch water etc will make me enjoy it more. We spent two days on the weekend. It was OK, but I was itching to get home.

As for the panic attacks and agrophobia, I can relate to that so much. I have always been prone to panic attacks, I think because my mother had them, they were almost a learned behaviour. I always coped with them (sitting at the back of theatres etc ready to escape) but 10 years ago began getting them relentlessly - it was all down to loads of awful things going on. I struggled for weeks until I could take no more. I got put on Citalopram which saved my life and got sent to a counsellor to learn how to breathe through them. One of the most helpful books I ever read was “Self help for your nerves”. It was written by a doctor called Claire Weekes (who is long dead from old age) and she speaks so much sense. Basically she recommends never to fight the panic as this just saps your energy and leaves you more vulnerable, but to go with it, like a tree bending in a wind. So when I felt a panic attack coming on, I would try to ignore it and walk around or carry on shopping or whatever I was doing, but never to run away. It worked well for me. I came off the meds after a few months. I still prone to panic and can feel it welling up when I am stressed or like when having a CT scan, but can control it so it never bothers me now. You will be able to live with it, but may need some help in the meantime?

Hi Cathy Dr Weekes books were my bible and I still use them know and again. I had struggled for many years with holidays but the last couple of years was getting on top of i t . Then wham had BC and I am having to start all over again. Thanks for getting back to me . Soooooooo agree with you about holidays being hard work Love Bobbie