Hi everyone. I’m not really sure if I should be posting as it’s not me with the diagnosis but my mum. She has stage 2 triple negative breast cancer. It’s been two weeks since the diagnosis and I think I’m still in shock. I’m 36 and this is my first experience of someone I love having cancer, which I guess makes me lucky but I don’t feel lucky. I pretty much think of nothing else from the minute I wake up to the moment I go to sleep; I look forward to going to bed as a release from the torture of thinking about it all.
I have two young children and my mum is a very active grandmother and provides childcare one day a week. So there are practical considerations to deal with, but the thing I’m struggling the most with is thinking she’s going to die and my children will be robbed of a grandmother who adores them. I can’t bear it.
I go down a google rabbit hole of statistics and triple negative sounds like such an aggressive type (it’s grade 3 as well) that I just feel like she’s going to die. And no one can comfort me because no one can tell me it’s going to be ok. I want to be there for her and I will try my best, but so far I think she’s coping much better than I am.
Looking on this forum has opened my eyes to how many people are quietly dealing with this. I feel like a fool for not appreciating how good my life was before
I was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative, I have 2 daughters, they were 25 & 17 at the time. Stay away from google is my advice. This place was my saviour, if your mum is going to do chemo i 100% recommend she joins the monthly chemo threads. I’m still in touch with some of the girls from my group. Also you need to remember this site whilst excellent is full of people going through cancer, once people are cured they have no need to come back.
I had a mastectomy, chemo, followed by reconstruction surgery 6 months later. Not gonna lie but that was a year from hell!
All worth it because here I am 12 yrs later, cancer free.
Just wanted to give you some hope that it’s not all doom & gloom.
Best wishes to you & your Mum x
Good morning. It could have been me that wrote your post 8 years ago. I was 31 when my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was an absolute shock, they found it at a routine aged 50 mammogram. We were not prepared at all and she had no idea it was there. My daughters at the time were ages 3 and 5 and I had the same thoughts as you. They loved their nana more than anything, how was we going to cope losing her but I kept those thoughts to myself. My mum was extremely frightened and she had a really hard time finding the strength to get through it. So I had to be the positive one. I went to all the meetings with her because my dad was too upset. I had to do the research for her. When she was in bed for 3 days and wouldn’t eat, it was me that had to call the breast care nurses. It turned out the chemo had given her a bad case of thrush in her mouth and it was making her feel rotten. They swooped her up and sorted her out. I only recently told her it was me that contacted them, she though they only called her to check up on her haha.
For a little while, you might need to be that positive force for your mum. Only now that I am going through this myself do I truly understand the fear that my mum was feeling.
Please remember this diagnosis is not a death sentence. It just means some changes for the year. It is very, very treatable nowdays. Keep your mum eating as healthy as she can, keep her hydrated, keep her moving, keep life as normal as possible and let her grandchildren shower her with love. Our only rule during chemo was no nana kisses until she is feeling better. As far as they knew nana just had a bit of a cold 
And like others will tell you, before you google anything come and search here. It is a lot more helpful to have real stories from real people.
My mum and I don’t look back on her cancer diagnosis with sadness we celebrate it. They found a lump that would have otherwise taken her from us. Finding it means she is still here and will be for many years to come
Sending you all big hugs
Well put, Foxgem. It is a problem for a year or so which the vast majority of us will get through. It does NOT define us. I went through it all four and a half years ago and am great now. But a friend of mine was diagnosed last week and honestly it is almost harder than having it myself! Big hugs to anonymous. You will be a wonderful support to your mum and together you will come out the other end.
What great advice from everyone, it is sad that we all need to be here but the treatment for all the different types of breast cancer is very advanced and whatever one you have the support and advice from your team at hospital, BCN, family and friends plus this great site is what keeps you going, encourage your mum when she’s ready to jump on hear it really does instill hope and good knowledge of what to expect from the massive changes to the small bits of advice that enable you to have the best journey possible. Take care and we’ll all be thing about you and your mum. Xxx
Thank you so much everyone for the replies. It really helps to hear from other people who understand and can relate to how I’m feeling, rather than the ‘you’ve got to stay positive’ responses you get from well-meaning friends.
When you’ve already had the bad luck to be in 1 in 8 who get breast cancer, it feels all too real that you could be one of the unlucky ones who don’t beat this and that is where my mind keeps going. From what I’ve read triple negative/grade 3 is aggressive and I can’t help but fear the worst for my mum. It does help to hear from those who have had the same/similar diagnosis though and I will encourage her to look on the forums. I think she is still a bit in denial
Hello Anonymous
I have been reading the responses to your post and just wanted to say how much I agree with them. I had a mastectomy for triple negative breast cancer in 2022. Three out of four lymph nodes were cancer connected and so I had 15 rounds of radiotherapy. I am absolutely fine and just want you to let your Mum know how much support you and she will get from this forum. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you both are managing. Take care and best wishes.
Wow thank you so much for your reply. Sounds like you had a very tough road but it’s lovely to hear you’re doing well now and gives me hope to cling on to x