26 when I was diagnosed, 27 now and in my first chemo cycle (EC). Tumor was hormone receptive and HER2-, so I know it could have been way more aggressive and I will have hormone therapy to help.
On good days I feel that getting cancer young will help me appreciate life and prioritise what is important. But bad days mean I wonder if I’m really fighting to survive… or if I’m just suffering to prolong the inevitable. Surgery had clear lumphnodes and clean margins, so I know I’m lucky, but I feel so certain it will get me before I can grow old that I can’t move past it.
There was “before cancer”, when I knew logically that I’d die one day but it felt inconceivable and almost theoretical. Now I feel like I’m living in the “after” where I will never feel safe and will be existing with a noose around my neck.
Does anybody have advice on how to mentally move past the bad days when you know you can’t actually “win” the fight?
Is there anyone that was diagnosed young who can tell me what it will feel like to try to live after treatment knowing I have so many years for it to recur?
Apologies for the morbid topic - nobody I know has faced it young.
I was 38 when first diagnosed and now 42 so still a good 15 years older than you but I still struggle with what the future holds for me despite having finished treatment.
I hope someone nearer you in age will be able to give you some advice as well. I wonder if it would be worth asking if you can be referred for some therapy too, it might help you process it a bit more.
I am older than you (56) so not in the same boat but I hope this will give you some hope - my neighbour had breast cancer when she was 26 and she is 72 now and well.
Your description of the before and after feeling really resonates with me and you have put it better than I could, but I do appreciate that your potential after period is a lot longer to consider than mine.
Thank you - it’s strangely nice to hear that other people feel it too, and that it might not just be because I have so little life experience.
My partner and I do couples therapy, but I think you’re right about some individual therapy too.
I was thinking of joining a local support group, but I always get a lot of “Oh you’re so young” from older patients I meet and it just makes me feel worse .
I also meant to say that if you’re anywhere near a Maggie’s Centre, they do a course called “Where Now?” which you can do when you have finished the main bits of treatment. Part of this course addresses the noose around the neck feeling. I have found the course really helpful.
Hope you will get some replies from younger people too.
I know what you mean about the “oh you’re so young”.
Not sure if I’m allowed to say this (admins please delete if not) but there are other forums on other social media platforms specifically for younger breast cancer patients as well that you might find helpful.
Sometimes they hold specific events on here for younger ones too.
Hi @dazedandconfused98 sorry I’m late to this thread but just want to point you towards Shine if you’re in the UK - they’re a cancer charity for young adults. I was 32 at diagnosis and have gone to meet ups in my area, the youngest person I met at a meet was 21 so there will be people your age, either going through treatment or having been through treatment. I’ve been going for a couple of years and it’s makes such a difference to my day, just speaking very openly about the exact way you’re feeling with people who are at similar stages of life. Breast Cancer Now also hold “younger women together” events, you’ll find more info on the website. I’ve not been to one of those yet but I’m hoping to in the future.
I hope you’re feeling better either way, it really does mess with your head sometimes but fingers crossed for you and your treatment
Hi @kazaroo just a quick message to say please do share any resources you think would be helpful! There are so many forums and so many charities out there, we can all help each other
I couldn’t remember the rules on here for sharing and linking to other forums etc but as you’re a champion I guess that means it’s ok to.
@dazedandconfused98 I have found a Facebook forum called “Younger breast cancer support group-UK” helpful. There is always younger women on there that you can talk to and ask questions. Hope it helps
Me too. Its a horrible thought to confront about it all.
In recent weeks I’ve kind of realised that is what every human does - cancer or no - in a way. It’s helped me a tiny bit with adjusting my perspective and coming to terms with my mortality at a young age.
If you ever want to talk about how stupidly unfair it all is and commiserate together, feel free to drop me a message X
I feel all the drugs evidence it too - I thought things would ease at the ‘end’ of treatment but now i realise there isn’t an end as such. (Team want me on injections for 5 years & tablets for 10.) None of this to me is ‘living’. X
Yea, the end of “active treatment” is misleading, especially if you need monthly injections for ovarian supression etc. I had the end of radiotherapy as my goal, but now it feels that my biggest challenge yet will be after that.
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