Hi ladies
I just wanted to ask if anybody out there has had to manage looking after small children while coping with chemotherapy. I found out I had a grade 3 tumour in my right breast when I was 38 weeks pregnant - less than two weeks ago. I had to be induced the next day so they could begin the endless process of scans and now treatment. I will start chemotherapy next week followed by surgery and then radiotherapy.
As well as my newborn I have a two year old and a five year old so life would be pretty hectic without the diagnosis let alone with it. So far it hasn’t been too bad as my husband is on paternity leave but am very worried how we will both cope once he goes back to work.
It would be great to get some support from others in the same boat as feeling very scared and completely overwhelmed by my diagnosis at what should be one of the happiest times of my lives. We’ve had offers of help from family and friends so that help get us through but any practical tips welcome…
My chemo regime will be four cycles EC followed by four cycles Taxotere. Not sure how this will affect me…did people find they had to spend days in bed or were you okay being up and about/doing school runs etc?
Hope to hear from some of you…
x
Hello InShock
Welcome to the forums. I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis, the first few weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with your diagnosis and treatment.
As well as the support you will receive on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-
You may also like to talk things through with one of the helpline staff, they are there to offer emotional support as well as provide information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open again in the morning at 9.00, normal hours are 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.
Best wishes
June, moderator
Hello In shock. Im sorry you have had to join this particular club!
I was dx at 30 weeks and had a c-section 14 days later. My baby was in scbu for 5 weeks and i started chemo 6 weeks after the op.
I have just finished my chemo 3xdocetaxel 3x fec. I didnt have any delays and on paper i flew throgh it!
I had help the first week each session. Then managed the next 2 weeks. You have lots of appointments as well as treatment so bear that in mind as well. My HV offered a nursery place so that might help with the bigger ones. The problem is that everyone is different and you dont know until you start But it is doable. I would say put in place a plan for help the first time then see how you go. This place is a life line and someone will always have an answer for you. Feel free to ask anything else xxx
Sending big hugs
Hi In Shock, whilst no experience of your particular problems, my heart goes out to you and hope that you do get all the help that you need, any offers of help grab with both hands. I am sure you and your hubby will be glad of it, even just chatting on here will help, I know that you will find it a life line just as we all have, if you feel that you cannot cope, someone will come along and offer good advice.
good luck and gentle hugs x Pam
hi in shock i havent got newborn but i have 8 children youngest is 3 it is hard at time but like harryduck says the first week is the worst so take as much help as u can im on day 11 after 4th chemo and feel normal if there is a normal lol .there is a august thread that you could join with lots of ladies starting chemo like u that can help you thro this …if u want to chat bout anything and i can help then pm me good luck with your journey sending u a hugg xxxx donna xx
Hi there, I don’t have small children but did do chemo -and had to learn the hard way about how much help I needed. my suggestion is GET HELP for the first week of each cycle , lots of help for the first one as all our bodies are different and we don’t know how we are going to react…so get as much help as you can muster and imagine not really being in charge for the first week …you will probably be better than that but its reassuring to know you can lie down when you feel tired …and sorry to be so honest but chemo does build up so how you are cycle 1 is not how you will be cycle 8…
the good thing is we get through it, its tough no doubt about it but we get through it and the friends who helped me are much better closer friends now…and never forget people love to help, makes them feel useful in the face of a crisis.
very best of luck, Nicola
Hi inshock,
No newborn here, but I did go through the same treatment as you: 4EC, 4tax, tmastic followed by radiotherapy. I have two children, who are a little older than yours. I agree with the advice given by others above.
The EC chemo will make you tired, and a little more tired after each session. Getting as much help as possible the first week is really important. Often people offer to help, but may not know what they can do - so be prepared to ask for specific things. If someone offers to shop for you, say yes yes yes. If someone gives flowers - ask them if they can put them in a vase for you. Don’t be afraid to ask - it will help your friends to know what they can do. It’s hard enough dealing with a newborn and your two little ones, and having treatment on top of that is going to be tough. So anybody keen to do your washing, change a nappy, put the bins out, anything… Say yes or ask.
With your eldest going to school - that will give you some more time. Plus I found doing the school run while going through chemo was actually very good for me ( when I wasn’t too tired or sick to walk). It meant I had a routine, a walk, and I met lots of other mums who were being very supportive. Another mum who’d I’d never spoken with even came to me having completed her chemo a few years before, and it was very nice to be in touch with her. But I must admit there were days especially in the first week after each chemo that I could not walk to school. So anyone offering you to take your child to school or back - say yes. Also speak with teachers at school, and make sure they are aware of what is going on at home, they can be a great support to all the family.
There is a great book called ‘mummy’s lump’ which explains to small children what breast cancer is and what treatment means. It is a picture book and it may be helpful for you to use with your children - I think it is even available as an ebook on this site. It is a Really good book.
Any questions, please do pm me.
With all the very best wishes to you,
Christine
Hi Inshock,
Here’s the link to BCC’s publication ‘Mummy’s Lump’ that Christine mentions. I’ve also put you the link to another of BCC’s publications for younger women that you may also find helpful.
Mummy’s Lump: www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/mummys-lump-bcc164
Younger women: www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/about-breast-cancer-care/support-younger-women-breast-cancer-sm24
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
I am not in your position but my aunts daughter has just undergone six chemo with three children under 10 so I have witnessed the effect on family life .She is about to have her surgery in four weeks time.
She managed by organising a circle of friends to do housework school runs etc and by farming the kids out to grandma on the days she simply could not get out of bed.
I have had two EC chemo and yes the fatigue may well mean you cannot do anything for a few days but by week three I am near normal so plan anything you need to do in that week . Drink loads of water and take all the anti sickness drugs theyprescribe. Eat fresh pineapple as much as you can . This will prevent mouth ulcers . Use salt and water mouthwash too.
Cant begin to imagine having to cope with newborn baby and I hope you hear from others better equipped to help you but I was so moved by your post I wanted to get in touch
Wish you the very best of luckxx
Hi
Here is another BCC publication you might find useful. It’s called “breast cancer and your child’s school” http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/schools\_factsheet.pdf
Janet
BCC Moderator
Thanks everyone for your kind comments and top tips.
I’ve got my toddler in childcare for 3.5 days a week and my eldest will be at school so that will help alot. Also trying to arrange some kind of plan in place so that friends and familiy are on hand during weeks one and two at least for the first cycle. It’s difficult to know exactly what to plan as I don’t know what kind of effect the chemo will have on me and don’t want to farm my kids out to other people if I’m going to feel alright to look after them…
Now need to work on getting my two week old baby to sleep through the night asap as broken nights plus chemo isn’t going to be a pretty combination!
sx
if u come on to the facebook breast friends we do have a few on there x
Oh honey you poor thing, I know exactly what you are going through. I was diagnosed with grade 3 in August last year when 34 weeks pregnant. I was induced at 36 weeks and unfortunately my baby had to spend 2 weeks in scbu, we had 3 days with him home before I started chemo. Between surgeon, myself and husband we opted for chemo then surgery. Turned out to be the right move as I responded really well and chemo shrunk my lump so much I only needed a WLE. I couldn’t cope with 2 major surgeries within weeks of each other.
It is really really hard but it is doable. Take all the help offered (there will be loads) from friends and family. I only found out later that my local college have students that go out and help mums in their homes. They are usually in last year of childcare courses and are crb checked but it might help for a few hours a week.
The very best of luck and don’t forget we are all here if you want to shout and scream.
xx